When I Deserve You
by Mosshh
Summary: Graduation is over. Rachel reads her yearbook for the first time but reads something she never expected to find. Suddenly she is running with the words of the yearbook echoing in her head, "Find Puck." But what if it's too late? What if time runs out?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Glee or any of the characters unfortunately. **

**This was just an idea floating around my head and it ended up longer than I planned. This is the first of two parts and it would mean a lot to me if you reviewed it please.**

**Other than that, enjoy.**

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><p><strong>When I Deserve You<br>**

Chapter One

As the end of graduation loomed over the grounds of McKinley High, Rachel knew that everything was about to change; some for the good and some for the bad. Not just herself, but every member of the New Directions was about to start a new chapter in their lives, embarking on a journey into the unknown.

Rachel made her way to her fathers' car where they were waiting to congratulate her for the umpteenth time. She let her dad's embrace her simultaneously, letting their words wash over her, yet at the same time not taking any of them in. She withdrew from their grasp and smiled up at them, but despite the smile she couldn't suppress the pang of longing that she felt deep in her gut.

Before getting in the car she took one final glance at her friends who were laughing and cheering, ecstatic that their time at McKinley had finally come to an end. Santana and Brittany, who were finally happy and out to the school were holding hands talking with Artie, Mike and Tina. Finn, Puck, Sam and Blaine seemed to be joking around with one another, mimicking football tackles. It was sad really that they would never play football as a team again, that the Glee club would never do another number as a group, that the cheerleaders would never be part of another Pyramid. But when one door closes, a window is opened, or, in Burt Hummel's words, an entire wall is knocked down. Her eyes continued to flicker over the various stragglers still left, Mercedes was hugging Kurt, and Dave Karofsky briefly lumbered into view before heading over to the far side of the field and leaving. The only person Rachel couldn't see was the only person she had wanted to see.

Quinn.

She had been there, of course, but had also left rather quickly. No words and a brief hug was all Quinn had managed and it infuriated the brunette greatly. It hurt Rachel that Quinn hadn't bothered saying goodbye properly, but the feelings of hurt were soon shrouded by those of anger. Just the week before the brunette had started to feel something for the blonde that was more than friend like love, it was something much deeper. Every time Rachel had tried to tell Quinn, she seemed to brush it off as if it was nothing and carried on their friendship without a blip.

The rev of the engine pulled Rachel from her thoughts and as her gaze focussed she realised that there was nobody left stood to look at, so she averted her eyes to directly ahead before closing them.

Her eyes weren't closer long before her father Leroy asked, "Did everybody sign your year book liked you'd hoped?"

Instead of bouncing up and down in her seat, straining the confines of her seat belt, Rachel sat stock still and contemplated her answer. But even after moments of hesitation Rachel gave a bland, empty answer.

"Yeah, I guess."

Leroy wasn't too surprised by his daughter's lack of enthusiasm; she must be overwhelmed after all with the thought of attending NYADA so soon.

Rachel slumped further into her seat and closed her eyes once more reminiscing in the painful memory of year book signing. It happened during one Glee Club session, well when else was it going to happen, apart from the New Directions what friends did she actually have? Everybody passed each other's books around, laughing and joking at previous comments, then picking up a pen and adding their own words of wisdom, advice and love. For most people it took them a good few minutes or so to think of a meaningful thing to write, after all the last three years had taught them that these would be the best times of their lives, so they might as well remember them for a brief few minutes. After each member had stumbled across a memory that brought a grin to their face, they'd scribble in the book, sign it and then pass it on to the next person.

However, what Rachel didn't expect was Quinn's ease at writing in her book. After the previous week of her personal confessions you'd think Quinn would be slightly flattered or concerned by the Diva's growing affections, but once again as Quinn signed Rachel's year book, she acted as if nothing had happened. Tears had formed in Rachel's eyes and she decided not to read it until she was alone in a space in which she felt comfortable, where she could cry after reading the predictable message of "Good luck."

The engine stopped and Rachel jerked awake. She was home. Her Dad's were in the door first and the brunette quickly followed. As Rachel entered her bedroom and saw the closed yearbook on her bed it began to dawn on her that she'd never actually read Quinn's comment. Rachel walked tentatively over to her bed and picked the book up carefully holding it at arm's length as if it would explode any second. When the expected explosion didn't occur, Rachel began flicking the pages look for Quinn's handwriting. It wasn't as if she was going to see the blonde again, except for a reunion when she was thirty. The pages continued to flick until suddenly she stopped. Rachel held her breathe, counted to three and then began to read.

Rachel's look of apprehension turned into a whirl of confusion. There on the page, in Quinn's curly, almost antique handwriting were the words, "Find Puck. All my love, Quinn." What the hell was that supposed to mean, Rachel thought to herself? Why didn't it say 'Good luck' like Rachel had expected, that would have been much simpler and easier to explain? This however, was not.

Her heart began to race. Questions filled her head. Should she find Puck? Should she find Quinn? Maybe she should ring first? Is this a sick joke, if it is, maybe Puck's in on it. That wouldn't surprise her, she thought to herself, one last final dig at Rachel Berry before leaving. After having this thought Rachel began to feel guilty remembering how much she'd watch Quinn change and grow into another person, and that's why she'd started falling for her. Without a second to spare Rachel grabbed her jacket and bolted through her bedroom door.

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><p><strong>The second part is longer than this and it will be updated this time next week unless I get a bundle of reviews asking for an earlier update (of which I highly doubt.)<strong>

**I hope you enjoyed the first installment, feel free to check out my other fics, two Faberry and one Brittana. **

**Have a nice day/evening, whichever it may be for you. Review and comment! I'd be grateful for anything you leave. Thank-you.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Glee or any of the characters.**

**Yes I decided to update earlier due to the reviews, ad promised.  
><strong>

**Before I say anything else I would just like to thank everybody who has taken the time to review the first chapter, add me to any type of alerts and browse through any of my other stories, I really can't express how much it means to me.**

**So, this is the second and final part of this ficlet, I really hope you enjoy it!**

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><p><strong>When I Deserve You<strong>

Chapter Two

As Rachel pounded the streets of Lima the message in the year book etched itself onto the inside of her skull, _find Puck, find Puck._

Puck didn't live far away but it was far enough away that Rachel felt she needed to run. Half way through the park she doubled over, her ragged breathes coming quick and fast. The back of her throat began to burn as she gulped in the cold air as if her life depended on it. Evening was beginning to fall and the light was rapidly fading. After a few more mouthfuls of air Rachel set off at a brisk walk, hoping that the consistency of walking would measure up to the same speed as if she was running and stopping to take breathers every so often.

It took fifteen more minutes to reach Puck's front door after leaving the park. Rachel held her breath as she knocked on the door, silently begging that he was in and not having a Halo marathon with Finn or celebrating their graduation with some of the guys from the football team. Her silent pleads were granted by Puck casually opening the door and greeting her with the usual words of, "Hey Jew babe."

Rachel rolled her eyes but proceeded to chuckle under her breath at the familiarity of their friendship. Without wasting a second Rachel tried to push past him but was stopped by Puck shuffling in front of the door frame.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"The interior of your house, so that I can converse with you in a civilised manner of which I deem necessary. It's important Noah. Please."

"No can do, sorry," Puck replied a little apprehensively.

"What? Why not," Rachel almost shouted.

"Keep it down, my um," he looked over his shoulder before quickly glancing back at the frowning diva, "my sister is sick and unless you want her germs then I think it's better if we talk here."

"Oh, well thank-you Noah for your courageous act," Rachel replied, half smiling.

"My what-now sorry?"

"Your courageous act of not letting me in as you are worried I might get sick."

"Um yeah that," he blurted out as if in a hurry for something.

Rachel was about to talk when Puck interrupted.

"I'll grab my jacket and then we'll go for a drive," Puck said before slamming the door in Rachel's face.

Taken a back Rachel took a few steps backwards and leaned against the door of Puck's car. A couple seconds later Puck reappeared and told Rachel to jump in.

Just as the vehicle left the drive, Puck's front door opened once again and a tearful blonde girl emerged. Despite the tears however, a small smile was plastered across her face and wasn't going to be moved any time soon. Quinn listened to the hum of the car's engine get further and further into the distance before deeming it safe to leave the driveway completely unnoticed. As Quinn made her way down the road only one thought filled her head: Rachel Berry. All she could do now was hope against hope that Puck would do everything that she told him, in exactly the right order. She'd given him the directions and reminded him countless times of what he was supposed to say. Quinn just had to hope that that was enough.

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><p>Silence encompassed the pair in a comfortable fashion but that didn't stop Rachel's relentless itching to ask Puck about the year book message. Puck's eyes stayed transfixed on the road trying to memorise the make shift map that Quinn had drawn on his bedroom wall just twenty minutes previously hoping against hope that Rachel hadn't suspected anything due to his tetchy behaviour.<p>

"You seemed very jumpy earlier Noah, is everything okay?" Rachel asked trying to start a casual conversation before jumping straight into the heart of what she really wanted to know.

Damn, was Puck's first reaction to the diva's question but he knew he needed to play it cool. Quinn meant the world to him and he wasn't about to blow up her only shred of happiness by losing his cool for the first time in, well, ever.

"Everything's fine, I didn't want my hot little Jew getting ill that's all."

Good thinking, Puck thought to himself. Casual but cool.

"Oh Noah you are so considerate, people really underestimate your tender and loving abilities sometimes."

Pucks brow furrowed but nodded all the same, adding a very convincing, "Yeah that," after the diva's words.

The evening had fully set in by now and the loss of light caused Rachel to wonder where on earth they were actually going. They didn't need to go to the other side of Lima just to talk surely?

Another five minutes passed and Rachel's patience ran out, "I really don't mean to be impolite but where in the world are we going?"

"We've been in the car nearly thirty minutes and you only just asked, you've been biting your tongue I bet," Puck joked trying to steer the conversation away from Rachel's original query.

"As a matter of fact, yes I have, because I'd find it very impolite if someone interrupted me whilst driving, and I didn't want to lay those feelings onto you, but I couldn't hold it in any longer. Sorry." Rachel finished, blushing slightly at her outburst.

"Its fine, we are almost there now."

"Almost where?" Rachel asked her patience having completely evaporated.

"What sorry?" Puck yelled back as he turned up the radio, "I can't hear you over the radio!"

Rachel's hands dived for the volume dial but Puck reached it first pushing the dial in slightly as to lock the volume.

"I think you are displaying very immature attributes that won't be looked upon highly in regards with your upcoming occupation as Lima's Pool Manager."

"I don't care what you think," Puck laughed knowing that he was really starting to grate on the brunette's nerves.

Rachel huffed and turned to look out of the passenger window but was met with nothing but darkness and the faint outline of trees. She didn't have much time to dwell on this however as Puck had stopped the car and was telling her to get out.

"Take my hand," Puck said, grappling about for the diva's hand.

"Why?" Rachel asked as she grabbed the mohawked boys hand to stop him flailing about aimlessly.

"I don't want you to get lost."

"Where are we…?"

But was interrupted by Puck saying, "Shhh."

A ten minute walk was all Quinn had said, anything longer and he hadn't followed the path correctly. Puck was starting to worry as the time felt as if it was dragging on forever but a clearing up in the trees ahead signalled his anxiety to stop.

As the pair stepped into the clearing Rachel's mouth fell open. They were on a grassy bank just outside of Lima and it was tall enough to see the entire town below, lit up in all its glory.

"Wow," Puck and Rachel breathed together, their breaths falling as icy whispers as they hit the chilly night air.

The mind blowing view had ripped everything from Rachel's mind and even Puck himself had to mumble under his breath the words in which Quinn had told him to remember as not to screw it up. A couple of seconds passed with the couple just staring at the sight in front of them, their mouths hanging open. Puck's glance then hit the sky and every little star sparkled a blink at him and he felt that it was an indication that he should start the ritual of which Quinn had ingrained into his skull.

Puck got down on one knee and this movement caused Rachel to turn around and nearly laugh.

"Noah, get up you look silly."

But Puck didn't move. He could feel the damp grass engrossing his knee but not even that would stop him. He had to do this and he had to do it right.

"Quinn will kill me if I get this wrong, so listen up okay," Puck instructed.

At the mention of Quinn's name realisation hit Rachel and suddenly she remembered why she was here. Anger bubbled inside her again; she wanted Puck to stop distracting her.

"No, let me talk first. You knew I wanted to ask you something so stop evading the question!" Rachel shouted.

"No Rachel, it's your turn to listen. We've all listened to you for the past three years; let someone else speak up for a change."

Rachel closed her mouth instantly and nodded, motioning Puck to carry on.

"Quinn will kill me if I get this wrong, okay, so listen up. What I'm about to say, I'm only allowed to say once. Understood?"

Rachel stood frozen to the spot.

"Just nod if you understand," Puck said in a much softer, calmer voice now as he became fully aware of the diva's wariness.

Rachel nodded hesitantly.

"This is directly from Quinn," Puck cleared his throat, "I know you'll be mad and upset that I didn't say goodbye but I do have a reason. My reason is that I don't see it as a goodbye, not unless you want it to be. I see it more as a hello. I come up here a lot, to contemplate life, school and most importantly you and it was here that I first felt something, something for you and it was here that I realised what Puck is about to relay for you. Look up Rachel," Puck instructed before clearing his throat and quietly singing, "Look at the stars, look how they shine for you, and everything you do," Puck finished as he thrust his hand in his pocket and pulled out a small black box.

A tear escaped from Rachel's eye, she wanted to talk, to say something, anything, but she'd promised Puck to let him talk.

As Puck opened the ring box, Rachel gasped trying to hold back the steady flow of tears that was protruding from her eyes.

"Take the ring."

Rachel did as she was told but before putting it on, she examined it, on the inner surface the word 'promise' was engraved next to the letters 'R+Q.'

"Put it on, Rachel," Puck choked out, trying to hold back his own tears. Rachel could tell that he was no longer talking as Quinn.

She put the ring on and just stared at it, then from the ring to Puck and back again.

"Quinn wanted me to say one more thing once you'd put it on. If you are wearing the ring Rachel then you accept my promise."

Rachel looked confused but Puck continued imitating Quinn's exact words.

"When I deserve you, I will come and find you, my promise. The stars are my eyes and until the point that I feel I deserve you, I will always be watching over you." and with that Puck stood up indicating that he was finished holding his arms outstretched.

Rachel flung herself into Puck's arms and allowed herself to cry freely into his chest, tugging at his shirt, wishing that it was Quinn's.

"If she wants to contact you, she will, but until then, let her do this Rach, don't go after her. You put the ring on, you accepted her promise, respect it. Respect her. Please."

Just as he'd finished talking he began humming in Rachel's ear the same tune that he'd just been singing.

Rachel couldn't do anything apart from nod at Puck's request and cry even harder because of the comfort he was displaying. The only thing holding her up was Puck's firm grip and Quinn's words, _when I deserve you, I will come and find you, my promise._

She was coming, Quinn was coming. For her. Quinn was coming for Rachel.

All that was left to do was play the waiting game, and the thought that kept Rachel on her feet and stopped her from running to find Quinn was that, waiting can't last forever.

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><p>Quinn's tears had finally subsided. She rolled over in her bed and looked at her clock. Midnight. Puck would have told Rachel by now and she'd be at home crying her eyes out. It hurt Quinn to know that she'd hurt Rachel, but she meant every word of what she said and if there was one thing that Quinn didn't do, it was give up and she was damn well determined to deserve Rachel.<p>

She rolled back over onto her side, staring at the picture on her set of drawers. The first ever picture of the Glee Club together. Then her eyes darted to Rachel's beaming face causing the corners of her lips to curl slightly.

Quinn closed her eyes; her lips still curled and muttered what will be the most important words of the next few years of her life, to herself, like a mantra until she lost consciousness, falling into a hazy daze of sleep and dreaming of being with Rachel for just one last time.

Suddenly the final utterance of the words fell from her lips and Quinn was asleep.

_When I deserve you, I will come and find you, my promise._


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Glee or any of the characters**

**I think I have some explaining to do. I had always considered doing a third part to the fic but didn't think it would be anytime soon, however, I then recieved quite a few reviews asking for a third part as everyone wanted to know what happened, so I caved. I decided that if I was going to carry it on, I wanted to do it properly thus this will be now a continuous fic.  
><strong>

**This part is not the final part, I don't know how many parts there will be although I do know where the story is going and where I would like it to end. Don't fret it won't end up twenty chapters long.**

**Thank-you so much for the author alerts, reviews, story alerts etc, they really mean a lot.**

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>When I Deserve You<strong>

Chapter Three

The mohawked boy dwindled his way around the kitchen, humming to himself in exactly the same manner in which he had done, every day, for the past three years. A shuffling sound from behind him caused him to abruptly stop humming as to not start yet another argument.

"You don't have to stop, I'm used to it by now," a sleepy eyed Rachel said before yawning and walking over to where Puck was standing.

He ducked his head as if to apologise, but still didn't speak. Arms snaked themselves around his waist and a warm cheek came to rest on his back. A smile crept across his face for the briefest second before remembering how everything had ended up the complete opposite to what he had ever planned.

"Carry on," Rachel prompted her grip tightening slightly.

"No, I've got to go, sorry Rach."

"Please," Rachel pleaded her grip so tight that Puck felt a slight pinching sensation.

"Rachel, I can't, I have to go to work," Puck replied more forcefully.

"Fine, go then, you'll be back before the day is out claiming that you quit when actually you were fired," Rachel shot at the mohawked boy as he grabbed his suit jacket from the couch.

Puck continued to pull on the jacket completely ignoring Rachel but the next words cut through him like a knife and he couldn't help but retaliate, despite knowing it wouldn't help.

"You're just going to ignore me and leave without a word, just like everyone else then?" Rachel yelled, not daring to look at him, because the hurt she knew she'd caused would reflect in his broken gaze and it'd break her heart just as much as it broke his.

"That's not fair Rachel and you know it."

"Isn't it? I didn't think fair came into it, or at least that's what you told me after _she _abandoned me all those years ago."

"Her name is Quinn, Rachel," Puck shouted back, "And being fair now and being fair back then are two completely different things, and you know it, you just don't want to accept it because you hate being wrong!"

Rachel tried not to blink as she knew that as soon as she did the tears would start to pour. Crying showed weakness, and she was not weak. However, blinking wasn't a choice, it was a necessity.

Hearing Quinn's name mentioned was enough to send Rachel over the edge. It was enough to cause her to lose control and lash out at people, usually Puck, as he was always around. Not that she minded him always being there, on the contrary, she loved it, but she hated what she turned into when her name was mentioned, but more than that, she hated that it was him she took it out on.

Rachel's mouth continued to open and close soundlessly while the tears stained her cheeks.

In a much calmer tone of voice this time, Puck spoke again, "You have to start using her name Rachel, she's a person, just like you and me and…"

But Puck was cut across by Rachel's anger.

"Yeah she's a person alright, but she is nothing like you and me. She isn't loving or forgiving or anything nice for a matter of fact."

"Don't say that Rachel, you don't mean it. You're just angry."

"Don't you think I have the right to be?" Rachel bellowed causing Puck to wince just the tiniest bit. "Three years and she hasn't had the courtesy to call or write or even check how the hell I am. She wants me to wear this piece of jewellery just to taunt me, to remind me everything I'm missing out on!"

"That's enough Rachel! Stop this! Stop this now!"

Rachel stopped. She stood. She stared. What else was she supposed to do? And then, not for the first time, she lost control and cried. She collapsed and just let herself cry.

Puck rushed over to the falling girl and caught her just before her head hit the side of the kitchen worktop. Rachel wrapped her arms around his neck as Puck used his strength, not that he needed much, to lift the petite girl up and walk her to her bedroom where he laid her carefully onto her unmade bed.

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><p>Two hours later Puck found himself in a similar position, walking around the kitchen, this time making himself some toast humming that oh-so-familiar tune. A door opening somewhere in the apartment would normally be enough to make him stop the humming, and usually, everything he was doing to make sure that Rachel was okay, but this time he didn't.<p>

Puck knew it was time for Rachel to get over herself and just as much as it was hurting her, it was hurting him too. No calls, no texts, no letters, nothing from a certain blonde Fabray. The pain was excruciating at first, not knowing when he would ever see the mother of his child again, but it got easier as the days passed. He convinced himself that she would come back, that she'd want to find Rachel, but as weeks turned into months and months turned into years his hope was hanging thin. The only thought that kept him believing that one day she would return, was the constant presence of Rachel and the constant presence of Rachel, reminded Puck of everything that Quinn Fabray loved and one thing Puck knew for certain about Quinn Fabray, was that she never gave up on something she loved.

A timid voice broke through his consistent humming and he paused, mid mouthful of toast.

"I'm sorry Noah. What I said earlier was once again completely unforgivable and I hope that you'll accept my apology and find it within you, somewhere forgiveness for me."

"If you just said that what you said was completely unforgiveable then how am I going to find forgiveness for it?" Puck joked before finishing his mouthful and turning to hug the diva as she slowly edged closer to him.

"Check out you actually listening to me," Rachel joked back.

"Hey, that hurts, I always listen to you," Puck mocked pretending to clutch his heart in pain.

"She'll come back, I know she will," Puck whispered into the diva's ear before starting on his second slice of toast.

Rachel let these words flood her, allowing them to find the optimism that she'd lost some time ago.

"Thank-you," Rachel smiled but it quickly faltered when she remembered something, "Wasn't you supposed to be at work two hours ago?"

"Yeah, they just rang up, I'm surprised the phone didn't wake you, they fired me."

"Oh my God Noah, I am so sorry."

"It's fine, I'll just have to look somewhere else, it wasn't really my scene anyway, sitting in a suit all day at a call centre where nobody is going to see how sexy I look in one," he laughed before winking at the brunette.

"As wonderful and sophisticated as you look in a suit Noah, it's not going to make my guilt subside any quicker."

"Honestly Rachel, I should be thanking you, you did me a favour. Now I can go and get a job that I really want, one that I really have to aim for. You inspire me Rachel Berry, that is the right word isn't it, inspire? Or should I have said aspire? Okay, I don't care which word it is but whichever one is the right one, is the one I meant."

Rachel giggled, "Inspire was the right word Noah, although I'm not really sure how I do that."

"Well, you're always going after your dreams, why shouldn't I? I mean, I left Lima to go to New York, that took some guts you know, but now I'm closer to my kid and I have my favourite Jew babe as a roommate, what more could I want?"

"I'm proud of you Noah, really, I am," Rachel replied, "but just as a reminder, you are _my_ roommate, not the other way around and I hope I am your only _Jew babe_ as you like to call me, otherwise I would be rather offended," Rachel pouted.

"The one and only Jew babe, Jew babe," Puck laughed, "Now come and join me on the couch where we can watch crappy TV and movies all day whilst eating junk food and then we can order a take away tonight, how does that sound?"

"Perfect," Rachel said as she threw herself onto the couch next to Puck, her eyes fixated on the screen, but not watching it at all.

Her eyes were looking through the screen, and through the wall behind it. The apartment around her, the arm around her, it was what home was now, but something was still missing. Something inside her still ached out of loneliness, it needed to be filled, to be loved, to be desired, but only one person could do that, and she wasn't even sure if that one person wanted her anymore.

Noticing that Rachel's gaze wasn't on the screen, Puck knew that she was in her thoughts again, well not in her thoughts, thinking about someone, a special specific someone and it sure as hell wasn't himself.

He didn't mind though, he didn't mind that he didn't mean as much to Rachel as she meant to him because whatever happened he would always be there for her, he would always be her rock and when she grew up, more so than she had already he would have to let her go, and it would be the most painful experience in his life, possibly more so than losing Quinn, because he'd be losing the equivalent to a sister. However, these thoughts were better off in his head, and he would never dare voice them out loud.

A gun shot from the film the pair were watching startled Rachel out of her thoughts and she felt Puck's warm arm wrap around her waist, making her feel safe, letting her know that she wasn't alone. What would she do without him, she thought to herself? What would happen to her if Puck found someone special and moved away? How would she possibly cope with losing a brother? And that's when she remembered that Puck wasn't the man he used to be, he wasn't the High School bully. He wasn't on the football team at the top of the social pyramid. He was just Puck and just as sensitive as every other man. Just because he chose not to show it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Rachel loved him like family, more than family, but that was a thought she would always keep to herself.

As if Puck could read Rachel's mind, he spoke, "I'll always be here, through thick and thin, through long and short, wait, that doesn't make sense, but anyway, I'll always be here, so long as you need me."

Rachel smiled and hugged the boy, man actually, tighter.

"Good, because I'll always need you, just as much as you need me."

A smile etched itself onto Puck's face.

"What about when Quinn comes for you?"

"My heart will always be hers but family can never be replaced," Rachel spoke quietly looking up at Puck.

He turned his head slightly and made eye contact with the diva. When had she become so mature? How had she gone from the cockiest girl in school, only caring about music and grades, to a sweet, mature, sentimental woman, who saw a boy who was once an idiot, in a light so bright that she now deemed him as family?

"Good, because I don't I can be called a _bro_ without having a sister," Puck joked before leaning forward and kissing Rachel's head.

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><p>A week had passed and there had been no arguments between the pair and everything seemed to be looking up. Puck was volunteering part time at the local nursery school and seemed to be enjoying it, Rachel had three Broadway auditions lined up for the upcoming weeks and Kurt had rang for the first time in months announcing he was going to propose to Blaine.<p>

"Great news," Rachel yelled through the apartment, "Kurt is going to propose to Blaine tonight!"

Puck emerged from the bathroom with shaving cream covering half of his face and a towel wrapped tightly around his waist.

"Are you serious?" he asked.

"Yeah, he's proposing tonight. Blaine had a work dinner but it got cancelled and Kurt thinks it's his now or never moment. He's cooking him dinner and then taking him on a stroll around central park where he'll pop the question," Rachel almost squealed, not being able to contain her excitement.

"That's great, I'm really happy for them both, I completely forgot they don't live more than a ten minute walk from here. You should catch up sometime; you haven't seen Kurt in ages."

It was at times like these that Rachel realised how much Puck had matured. Three years ago Puck would have laughed off the idea of marriage and the idea of Kurt proposing to Blaine, but he was a different person now and that different person made Rachel smile.

"I'll consider it; I think I'll wait until after he proposes though, the excitement would kill me. Now, throw some clothes on Puck; it is extremely uncouth to be seen in just a towel, even if it is only by me."

"Yes Ma'am," Puck saluted, nearly slicing his eyebrow with his razor before heading back towards the bathroom.

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><p>"The mail is here," Rachel yelled through the apartment not ten minutes after the near eyebrow fiasco.<p>

Puck appeared, this time fully dressed in a pair of jeans and a tight fitting cotton white shirt.

"Didn't recognise you with your clothes on," Rachel joked.

"You are just hilarious," Puck replied bluntly as he playfully punched Rachel on the arm.

Rachel rifled through the pile of letters rolling her eyes at all the junk mail until she found something of interest which at first made her frown, and then made her smile.

The frown was due to the fact that she had no mail again. She'd once convinced herself that Quinn would write, but that thought soon died away after three years of nothingness. She guessed she'd just have to wait, although, that didn't stop her checking the mail every day, just in case. Typical Rachel Berry.

"You have a letter Puck," Rachel called as her eyes scanned the letter and the cursive writing.

At first she thought she recognised it, but quickly brushed it off with a smile, knowing that it was just her imagination running away with itself.

"I think it's from Shelby again," Rachel said as she handed the letter to Puck.

Shelby had began sending letters more frequently since she'd heard of Puck's current situation of living in New York, this made Rachel wonder if she had contact with Quinn. Was she sending Quinn the same kind of letters?

Rachel's thoughts were interrupted by Puck taking the letter from her grasp. He wandered off to his room hoping for another picture to be occupying the envelope, he'd got one with every other letter, so why shouldn't he with this one. However, there was no dark outline to be seen behind the envelope. Puck's heart dropped: no picture. Maybe it wasn't from Shelby after all, but who else would he get mail from?

Suddenly Puck's heart stopped. It couldn't be, could it?

He tentatively flipped the envelope over and scanned the front of it. A light bulb switched on in his head as he recognised the swirly writing that spelled out his own address.

After flipping the envelope over once more he sat down on his bed, pulled the letter out from inside, swallowed, and began to read.

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><p><strong>I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I do have to confess that I'm not sure how regular updates will be as I now have two fics on the go, so please, if you want to find out what happens next, bear with me and I promise it will be worth it. <strong>

**Reviews and comments are wonderful! Who do you think the letter is from? Do you think Quinn will come back to say goodbye to Rachel or come back for Rachel?**

**Like Rachel needs applause to live I need reviews to live. Nope, just kidding, but it really would be nice to know what you think and once again it may prompt me to write and update quicker, knowing that people are looking forward to it and wanting to read it.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of the characters  
><strong>

**So here is the next update and ****if you guessed that the letter was from Quinn, then you were right.  
>Thank-you for the reviews and alerts so far, they really mean a lot to me.<strong>

**Sorry for the slowness of this fic, but it'll pick up soon I promise and the wai tiwll have been worth it!  
><strong>

**Enjoy!  
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><p><strong>When I Deserve You<strong>

Chapter Four

_Dear Puck,_

_I don't quite know where to start, so I assume the best place, as ever, is the beginning. Firstly I'd like to apologise for not making any attempt to contact you. I can't begin to imagine how hard this has been on you but I can assure you it hasn't been the time of my life either. I don't want to go into too many details about why I haven't written because I'm sure you already understand why. Three years is a long time, there's a lot to tell you and a lot to explain but now isn't the time. Someday I'll tell you, I promise._

_Finding you was a bit of a challenge, the internet is great but unfortunately you can't just type in "Noah Puckerman's" address and hope for it to appear. So how did I find you I guess you are wondering? Well, I've moved into the area of New York, ominous really seeing that its home to seven million people but that's beside the point. I ran into Kurt. He was very reluctant at first to even talk to me seeing that I 'upped and left Rachel' as he kindly phrased it, but after a few minutes of explaining myself he softened up and told me that you were living with Rachel. I was shocked at first, especially seeing I remember you being offered a pool managing position back in Lima, but then I guess three years has passed. You living with Rachel made things harder as there was a chance Rachel would recognise the hand writing on the front of the envelope, and if that has happened then all I can say is I'm terribly sorry. If that isn't the case however, then it is purely your choice on whether you show her this or not. _

"Noah!"

Puck jumped completely oblivious to the real world and when he didn't answer Rachel's calls he heard footsteps slowly getting closer to his bedroom. The door was open. She wouldn't knock. He leaped to his feet and turned around, looking for somewhere to hide the letter. Puck couldn't show it to her, not yet, not until he'd read all of it. His eyes suddenly fell on his bedside drawers. He wrenched the top drawer open, shoved the letter in it and closed it with a loud bang.

"Noah, are you deaf?" Rachel asked now standing in Puck's doorway with her hands on her hips.

When Puck's mouth just moved making no sound Rachel brushed it aside and continued.

"How is Shelby? Not that I'm interested of course," Rachel blushed looking at the floor. "Is Beth okay, that's what I should be asking, she'll be five soon won't she?"

Puck simply nodded, the pang of guilt growing ever larger in his chest as he didn't bother to correct Rachel as to who the letter was from.

Rachel moved closer to the bed that Puck was occupying eyeing him with an inquisitive expression, "Are you okay? You look, well, a little shaken up to be honest. Has something happened? Oh my God she isn't okay is she?"

Puck turned to the mirror that was balancing lopsidedly on top of the drawers that he'd just shoved Quinn's letter in to. He looked like he'd seen a ghost. His eyes seemed slightly puffy despite not having cried and this was only emphasised more by the now pale complexion in which his face consisted of. A cough from behind him brought Puck to his senses.

"Babe, I'm fine, promise," he lied, the pang of guilt now spreading to his stomach.

"Beth is okay then?"

"She's fine, more than fine actually," Puck smiled unconvincingly.

As unconvincing as Puck's smile was, Rachel didn't seem to care and skipped from the room humming the tune of Defying Gravity to herself.

Once Puck was sure that Rachel was definitely gone he jumped from his bed once more and carefully closed the door, trying not to make a sound. With the door closed Puck let out a breath that he wasn't aware of even holding. Slumping back onto his bed, he reached over to the drawer and pulled the letter back out of it. He sighed to himself and scanned the letter checking where he'd got up to and then paused once more. He re-read the same line over and over again and finally understood what people meant when they said they had the angel and devil sitting on their shoulders.

_If that isn't the case however, then it is purely your choice on whether you show her this or not._

If he told Rachel, there was no knowing what she would do and he more than definitely couldn't take anymore shouting than what he had already endured. On the one hand if he told Rachel she might be happy, especially as she'd said earlier that her heart would always be Quinn's. But on the other hand there was that unpredictable completely insane side of Rachel that would possibly involve plotting her revenge on Quinn if he did tell her. His eyes widened at the latter idea imagining the horrifically awkward conversations Rachel would make Quinn endure if they ever spoke again and thus decided that he'd make that decision after reading the letter.

_You and I always had a connection Puck. I think it still would have been there even if we hadn't had Beth. You'd always catch me staring at Rachel in a way that girls had been taught not to by society. Despite catching me you'd never question me about it, you'd just smile and carry on whatever conversation that you were involved in. If I'm honest I'd never realised how mature you were until the night I told you about Rachel's feelings for me, and my reciprocation of them. I suppose I expected you to either disown me or take it as a joke and just say 'that'd be hot'. You didn't though; you calmed me down when I got hysterical. You hugged me until my tears soaked your shirt through. You coaxed me to talk about my feelings although you knew I wanted to bury them. You made me a better person Puck. I'm not blaming you in any way and please don't take any fault on my next words, but you made me realise that I needed to sort myself out before I could allow myself to get close to somebody else. That's probably a hard thing to take in, and I'm sorry if I'm causing you more unnecessary pain than what I already have but you need to know. I want you to know._

Puck diverted his eyes away from the letter and to the ceiling hoping that the tears that were forming wouldn't fall. He didn't blame Quinn for anything; she did everything that he never had the chance to do but if he was honest with himself, even if he'd have had the chance, he never would have had the guts to do it. He admired Quinn from this point of view, but he also, selfishly, hated her for what he'd been put through because of her actions. All the times he'd been shouted at by Rachel, blamed by Rachel, he'd wanted to then shout at Quinn and tell her to clean up his mess. But then he remembered, he remembered that he'd chose to look after Rachel, she'd never asked him too. He could have walked away, Rachel told him to enough times, but he never did, he wanted to be the better person. The old Puck would have leaped out of the third story window of their apartment, climbed down the drain pipe and left without even saying goodbye. But he wasn't that Puck anymore and he wanted to stick around, so he guessed he had no one else to blame but himself.

_Everyday has been a struggle, some easier than others, some much harder than others, but I scraped through them. It became easier when I realised what I was looking for, I was looking for myself. Most people say that's a hard thing and I guess it is, but once you know what you are looking for, you stop looking as hard and it just comes naturally. People often tell me I run away from things and I'd like to believe that that isn't true. I didn't run away from Beth, I did what I believed was best for her at the time. I didn't run away from Rachel, I just did what I needed to do and one day I hope Rachel will let me explain that. I hope she understands it, because, well, she is all I want. She really is. I wish it hadn't taken me three years to realise that and obviously it isn't the only thing I have realised, but I honestly believe that that is the most important thing I have learnt._

_When I left I felt as if the colour was draining from my life. Everything was new and exciting and should have been full of colour but I found it dreary and daunting, knowing that I was going to an unknown place and going to have to make friends with people I'd never met before. I was scared of forgetting, forgetting the memories that I'd made with Lima and the people in Lima. Obviously I couldn't forget because it was where I spent the first eighteen years of my life, but I didn't want the memories to be weaker than they used to be, if anything I wanted them to burn brighter when people asked where I'd come from. _

For some reason Puck smiled, and knew exactly where Quinn was coming from when she said this. He'd felt the same. When he left the pool cleaning job and decided to find Rachel in New York he suddenly realise that he didn't want to forget what he'd done, he didn't want to erase the mistakes he'd made because they were what made him, him. He rolled his eyes at the next line because it was a typical Rachel Berry thing to say, and she had clearly rubbed off on Quinn unknowingly.

_I want to tell you a story, its short though, I promise. I was at a student bar one night and the girl serving me started talking to me. I thought it was odd to be honest that she was starting a conversation with me who was sipping orange juice like a toddler when there were so many interesting people around her drinking much more fancy drinks than I. Anyway, she asked where I came from and I told her, she then asked what it was like and that's when it hit me. In my head it was as if faded pictures had been strung up, crumpled and torn that represented my life. A picture of my house, my family, the school, the Glee Club etc… and I remember feeling dull and empty because of how discoloured the memories seemed. But as I started talking about them it was if the life came back into them. The colour came back and the tears seemed to vanish and it was only then that I realise that my memories would stay alive, so long as I kept them alive. _

_Keep that story in your head and now think about Rachel. That's how I feel about her Puck. When I talk about her I feel complete. I feel everything settle back into its place. I don't want to walk past Rachel in the future and think 'I recognise her' and not be able to remember where I recognise her from. I want to be in the future with her, with her by my side, and holding my hand, if she'll let me of course. _

_I know who I am now, but that isn't for a letter, that's for an in person conversation, if you'll permit it. _

_So with all of that in mind, I'd like to meet up with you. Soon preferably, but I don't want to put you to any trouble or effort. If you'd rather not see me that's fine. If you'd rather Rachel not see me, then I completely understand, but I'd like an explanation please. My address is on a piece of paper inside the envelope if you haven't already found it. Write to me, please._

_I miss you Puck, your goofy smile and your bizarre obsession with the Mario Brothers._

_I hope to hear from you soon._

_Yours sincerely,  
>Quinn.<em>

Tipping the envelope upside down a tiny piece of paper fell out and landed the right way up, on his bed. After reading the address his eyes nearly popped out of his head. How the hell had Rachel and Quinn not ran into each other, he thought to himself, they live three blocks away. He'd have to reply sooner than he thought if there was even the slightest chance that the two girls could run into each other without any warning.

Without even thinking about what he was going to write, Puck grabbed a pen from in front of the mirror, stuffed the letter from Quinn into his drawer and ran with the address in his hand to the kitchen. Luckily Rachel's music was loud enough, her singing even louder, so that she couldn't hear Puck clattering around looking for a piece of paper, and more obviously an envelope and stamp. After opening and closing every drawer in sight he gave up and decided on a post-it note.

"It's shabby but it'll do," he said to himself out loud, smiling at the thought of being in touch with Quinn again.

It had been a long time but no time would be long enough for him to feel only hatred towards Quinn. He loved her in a similar way to that of Rachel, and if there was any chance that Rachel would stop moping around after three years, he was going to take it.

After scribbling on the post-it note, Puck reached for his leather jacket that was lying on the couch, checked his wallet was in it and then bolted for the door. The air was crisp enough to burn the back of your throat but that didn't stop Puck from gulping mouthfuls of it in as he tore down the street heading for the post office. On arrival he doubled over, his hands on his knees and caught his breath back. Once he was able to breathe again he entered the Post Office and approached the counter. The woman sitting behind the dirty glass scowled at him.

"Yes?" she asked bluntly.

Puck decided to ignore it and get straight to the point, "Um I'd just like an envelope and stamp please."

The woman continued to scowl at him whilst she reached underneath the counter and pulled out five different shaped envelopes.

"Which one?" the grumpy woman asked even more bluntly than before, although Puck didn't believe it was possible.

He looked down at the post-it note stuck to his finger and then looked back up to the woman. Even the smallest envelope was huge to put just a post-it in but he guessed it would have to do, so he pointed to the smallest one. After being handed the envelope through a hatch in the glass the woman spoke again.

"What class stamp would you like?"

Puck screwed his face up, damn, he thought to himself. Why did he never listen to Rachel when she explained which class stamps got letters to places quicker.

"What one will get the letter there the fastest?"

"First class."

"Okay," he paused, "then that one," he finished as he reached for his wallet.

The grumpy woman opened the hatch once more and passed him a first class stamp in which he stuck to the front of the envelope before handing $5 over to the woman to pay for his purchase. Whilst she added up and sorted the change out puck thrust the post-it note into the envelope, licked the seal and closed it firmly. He held the letter in his left hand as he held his right hand out for the change which the woman reluctantly dropped in his hand.

"Hey, I could have dropped that," Puck complained a little loudly.

The grumpy woman shrugged her shoulders, closed the hatch with a loud bang and picked up a magazine and began to read, not looking back at the mohawked boy once. Puck shoved the change into his wallet and turned to leave the post office but was called back by a familiar voice.

"If you post that now it'll be there by tomorrow," Kurt smiled.

"Hey, sorry I didn't see you there," Puck apologised, "thanks though," he finished as he put the letter into the post box attached to one of the four internal walls of the building. As he turned around the smaller boy spoke again.

"I hope it's a lengthy letter like she sent to you," Kurt continued a coy smile still playing on his face.

Puck looked a little confused until suddenly it dawned on him. He blushed a little thinking of his post-it note in comparison to Quinn's essay, he'd just have to hope she understands.

"Yeah, something like that," Puck replied.

"No I'm just kidding," Kurt joked, "I didn't expect to see her to be honest, I suppose she told you that she's seen me."

Puck nodded.

"I'll admit I wasn't friendly at first but after she explained I understood. She asked for your address and when I told her you were living with Rachel she was shocked. Genuinely shocked."

"Well we're hardly the likely room mates are we," Puck laughed and Kurt nodded, clearly agreeing.

A silence fell over the pair until Puck broke it.

"Thanks for telling Quinn, if you hadn't I doubt I would have received the letter."

"You're welcome, everyone deserves a second chance, or a third or a fourth," Kurt said.

"We all make mistakes," Puck prompted and Kurt smiled.

"Indeed we do, anyway I have a proposal to finish planning so I'm going to go," Kurt said pointing to the door of the post office.

"Oh yeah, Rachel said, good luck by the way," Puck said genuinely smiling.

"Thank-you, I was just picking up stamps for the wedding invites."

Puck looked perplexed.

"Assuming he says yes we have a wedding to plan, and that involves invites" Kurt explained, "He better say yes, stamps are really expensive."

Puck laughed before bidding the smaller boy goodbye and then leaving the building himself. The cold air hit him once more but he didn't mind. It felt as if a weight had been lifted from his chest and he was hoping against hope that he would be seeing Quinn very soon.

Okay, the post-it note didn't say a lot, how could it, it's a tiny square of paper. All that was written was, "Meet me at The Winter Café 11am tomorrow – P"

All he had to do now was make sure that Rachel wasn't suspicious of anything. As he entered the apartment once more and heard Rachel singing still he knew that that wouldn't be as hard as he'd first thought.

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><p><strong>Reviews would be wonderful, the next update will be roughly a weeks time unless there people are desperate for it to be before hand in which case, let me know!<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Glee or any of the characters unfortunately.**

**Thank-you so much for the alerts and reviews that you guys are giving me, they really mean a lot!**

**Just to clarify the seasons of Glee are only slightly relevant in the storyline, obviously Beth happened but Finn didn't propose to Rachel.**

**Review!  
><strong>

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><p><strong>When I Deserve You<br>**

Chapter Five

"Where did you go yesterday afternoon?" Rachel asked with a quizzical expression upon her face continuing to fiddle with the hem of her shirt.

"I uh, went to the shop, we were out of milk," Puck tried, crossing his fingers and hoping for the best.

Rachel frowned, "I got some the other day when I got my soya milk."

Puck mentally cursed himself. Why was he no good at lying? Maybe it was just Rachel being Rachel.

"I drunk it all, lots of bowls of cornflakes?"

Rachel's brows knitted together as she walked forward to the boy who was sitting on the couch keeping his eyes deliberately fixed on whatever was on the TV screen. She stopped fiddling with her top enabling her to place both hands on her hips in a typical diva stance.

"What's going on Noah? Since that letter yesterday you've been acting odd, secretive even."

Puck didn't answer and continued to watch the TV.

"Noah I know you aren't watching it, you never watch daytime TV so nice try but you aren't getting out of this that easily."

Puck screwed his eyes together hoping for a sudden stroke of inspiration to hit him. Nothing. Rachel was now sitting next to him but he refused to turn around and meet her gaze.

"If you are in some kind of trouble you can tell me you know," Rachel pleaded with a genuinely worried tone lacing her voice.

He couldn't ignore her anymore so he turned and spoke, "I went to meet a girl okay?"

Rachel's frown turned into a grin but just as quickly turned back to a frown again.

"Why didn't you just say so Noah?"

Good point, why didn't he say, oh yeah, because he actually went to indirectly converse with Quinn through the forms of a post-it note.

"It's early days and I didn't want to jinx it."

"You're a big softy really," Rachel smiled before she rose from the couch, turned on her heel and headed back to her room.

Within seconds the soundtrack to Rent was blaring out making the walls vibrate. That was a good sign, Puck thought to himself. Anytime that Rachel spent in her room by herself either meant she was crying, thinking or sleeping, and neither of the above were a particular positive in the life of the diva.

"The neighbours will be knocking on the wall again!" Puck yelled despite knowing that Rachel wouldn't be able to hear a thing he said.

As time passed Puck found himself becoming more and more nervous. It had been three years, what if Quinn had completely changed? What if he didn't know what to say? What if it was awkward? These thoughts continued to crowd his head the entire time he was sprucing himself up. Just as he thought he was ready and was able to leave without being questioned, the music coming from Rachel's room suddenly stopped.

Odd, Puck thought, but shrugged it off. Rachel couldn't have gone from high to low in that small space of time surely? His hand unlatched the door whilst his other grabbed his jean pocket to make sure that he had his wallet on him. The door was now open but Puck found himself rooted to the spot. His stomach was flipping over and over and the guilt he felt was becoming unbearable. You just have to get through today and see how it goes, after that you can tell her, Puck told himself under his breath. One last deep breath and Puck had his foot over the threshold but a timid voice called him back.

"She was," Rachel paused shifting her weight between the balls of her feet, " I mean Quinn," Rachel swallowed clearly finding it painful to say the name out loud, "Quinn was at your house the night you took me to the hill wasn't she. That's why you wouldn't let me in," she finished, her eyes directed at the floor because she was too scared of looking up just in case she watched Puck walk away from her too, just like Quinn had.

Puck screwed his eyes up. Was it all a coincidence or did Rachel know something was up he thought to himself. Another thought quickly popped into his head and then suddenly he remembered why he was lying, well not being honest anyway, it was for Quinn. Quinn deserved to be heard out before Rachel started shouting the odds, if it comes down to that anyway and with that Puck turned around and looked at the hunched over diva. Her hair hung loosely over her shoulders. She'd lost weight, probably from not eating properly unless Puck cooked for them both, and on odd occasions, just for Rachel if she didn't leave her room for the day. How she managed to graduate from NYADA was completely beyond him, but he didn't ask questions so he couldn't be told any lies.

Whatever happened, he would have always been there.

Rachel lifted her gaze from the floor and they met with Puck's chocolate orbs and he merely nodded.

He didn't know what to expect but just an affirmed nod from the brunette was definitely the last thing on his list.

A silence fell over the pair, it was comfortable but at the same time it felt as if something was in the air that needed to be cleared and it wasn't just Puck's conscience. But after almost an entire minute of just the sound of the ticking clock Puck spoke.

"I'll be back soon, do you want anything?"

Rachel smiled, "A soya cappuccino."

Puck returned the girls smile with a grin, "Sure thing Jew babe."

Rachel beamed before picking up an apple and throwing it at the mohawked boy, "If there's no milk I know you didn't have breakfast, oh and good luck on your date," Rachel winked.

Puck smirked, rolled his eyes and then left the apartment wondering if Quinn would actually show up or not.

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><p>Quinn shuffled forward slowly as the queue in front of her slowly ceased. It wasn't a particularly busy day at the café but that could just be because it is more of a comfort based place tucked into the heart of New York unlike the more popular, teenage and business folk filled cafes such as Starbucks.<p>

Finally the queue was nonexistent and Quinn found herself staring up at the menu attached to the wall behind the head of the waiter currently serving her.

"What will it be today," smiled the young waiter, pen in his hand ready to take the order.

Quinn quickly scanned the menu one more time before smiling to herself; she still remembered Puck's coffee order.

"I'll have a regular Vanilla Spice Latte, no cream though and a large Caffè Americano with two sugars pl…" But before Quinn could finish she was interrupted by a rather deep voice coming from somewhere behind her and it wasn't until he'd finished speaking that a sad smile crept upon her face and she was able to put a name to the voice.

"Keep the Caffè Americano but make it a medium and no sugar," the mohawked boy finished thrusting his hands into his jean pockets looking at the floor.

"It's changed," Quinn replied without turning around. "A lot has changed that is much more important than my coffee order."

As his words fell upon Quinn's ears her heart sank, it was going to be a lot harder than she had expected.

Puck regretted it as soon as he said it, he wished he could take it back, he wished he could leave the shop, enter again and hug Quinn before he'd opened his mouth, but it was too late, it was already out there.

A timid cough from behind the counter caused both blonde and Mohawk to look up at the waiter who had a pink tinge across his cheeks out of embarrassment for interrupting their conversation. "Is that all you would like off of the menu today?"

"Yes thanks," Quinn smiled before pulling a ten dollar bill from her pocket and handing it to the young boy behind the counter, "Keep the change."

At first the boy was taken aback clearly not having this happen to him very often but suddenly realised his professionalism wasn't at its peak so quickly thanked Quinn and rushed off to complete their order.

There was nothing left to do now apart from turn around, but Quinn found this the hardest part of the entire situation. As soon as she were to turn around she would be face to face with her past, the anchor that she didn't want to take into her future, the anchor that weighed her down in high school, the anchor that she hoped she'd one day be rid of. Until of course, one day the unexpected happened, the person that Quinn had had a crush on for almost two solid years admitted that she had feelings for her and all of a sudden Quinn had a hole blown in her plan as well as through her heart.

She'd never had to cope with genuine feelings before, all of her previous relationships revolved around popularity and high status. Quinn didn't want to run, she wanted to embrace Rachel with everything she had, only she knew that everything she had wasn't enough and that's why she needed to leave, she needed to be enough, she needed to be more than enough but more than anything she needed to deserve Rachel in the way that Rachel believed she deserved her.

"Q? Quinn," Puck almost shouted through gritted teeth.

She jumped. Not for the first time she'd phased out, lost in a daze of nostalgia, only this time it was good. This was the start of something new and it had to be done right. It was now or never.

"Sorry," Quinn apologised as she turned around to face the boy with the Mohawk.

Her eyes raked up and down Pucks seemingly tall stature. Had he grown? What a stupid question, Quinn thought to herself. He looked older, more mature and tired. The bags under his eyes were much darker than when they were at high school together. Guilt flooded Quinn, and she bit her lip. What if it was her fault that he looked so tired?

But whilst Quinn was assessing Puck and trying to figure out how much blame she should put on herself Puck was questioning Quinn's appearance. Her hair was much longer than it was in senior year, almost as long as it was when they were juniors. It hung loosely over her shoulders, her fringe clipped to the right side of her head allowing full view of her honey coloured eyes. She was still beautiful, if not more beautiful than Puck remembered and there was him standing there looking shattered and feeling almost the same.

"Here's your order."

"Thanks," Quinn and Puck said in unison.

Quinn reached up to grab the tray that the two steaming mugs of liquid were situated on but Puck quickly dived forwards and took it from her hands.

"Always the gentleman," Quinn joked darting a look at Puck and piercing his gaze with her own.

He smiled back politely but didn't say a word. Once seated both Quinn and Puck dived for their mugs and began to sip slowly not wanting to be the one to talk first.

After both mugs were drained there was nothing left to do but, well, talk?

"You look well," Quinn feigned as she laid her mug to rest on the table.

"I look shattered and feel pretty similar but nice try Fabray," Puck smiled before sipping the dregs of his coffee and then putting his mug next to Quinn's.

Finally the ice was broken and a comfortable silence fell over the blonde and the Mohawk. Despite being almost midday the café wasn't heaving. There was a fair amount of people occupying the various tables scattered over the floor of the place but not too many that it was noisy and you had to shout just to be heard.

"I've never had a post-it note sent to me in an envelope before," Quinn mused while Puck chuckled.

"First time for everything," he smirked, "You should be thankful I replied at all, I couldn't find paper anywhere; god knows where Rachel put it all."

And there it was, the reason they were there in the first place, her name voiced and so early on in the conversation. If it caused pain to Quinn hearing her name out loud she didn't show it and merely continued their conversation.

"I would have thought everything would be in labelled separate drawers, if not colour coordinated."

Puck grinned, "It is, I just didn't pay attention when she showed me round the place."

"Typical," Quinn laughed.

"Hey," Puck pouted nudging Quinn's foot under the table pretending to be offended.

General conversation overcame the pair and soon enough they were laughing and joking as though Quinn had never been away, however of course, they both knew that the pretence of everything being fine between the pair wouldn't be able to last forever. Thankfully, in Puck's opinion, it wasn't himself who had to bring the conversation to a serious stance.

"So how come you ended up in New York, I thought you were offered a managing job at Lima's pool?"

Puck smiled before answering. It wasn't that he found half quitting half being fired funny it was just that it seemed such a long time ago yet he was here laughing around with Quinn as if he'd only seen her yesterday.

"I was, I took the job as well actually then I half quit half got fired," Puck said in a matter of fact tone.

Quinn raised an eyebrow.

"Don't look surprised, I'm Puckasaurus, I was born to be bad and get fired and stuff," he smirked.

"Whatever you say," Quinn grinned, "So are you working now?"

"Yeah actually, well, it's voluntary at the moment but if it continues to go well for me I should get a job," he said before calling over to the waiter serving the couple on the table next to them asking for another drink.

"Oh good, I'm pleased for you. What are you working as?" Quinn asked a hint of hope in her voice. She'd always wanted Puck to do well and when she heard that Puck was in New York and not in Lima still she was slightly concerned and wondered what on earth had happened.

"Actually I'm working part time at the local nursery," he replied not meeting Quinn's gaze hoping that she couldn't see the pink tint crawling up his cheeks.

"Full on bad ass that is," Quinn joked and Puck couldn't help but lift his gaze from his lap to meet the blondes and smile along with her.

He'd missed Quinn. Not just her presence but everything she brought along to a situation: humour, generosity and a general concern for your well-being. He'd really missed her and it wasn't until now that he'd realised just _how_ much he'd missed her.

General conversation immersed the pair once more. Puck found out that Quinn had successfully passed and graduated her course of creative writing and drama. Quinn found out that Puck had never intended to leave Lima after quitting/being fired from his job and that he'd remembered Rachel was going so he rang up and asked if he could see her.

"I spent the weekend with her just after I got fired and the evening I was going to leave she asked me not to go, she never really said why, it was just an unspoken mutual understanding of one another's needs I guess," Puck shrugged as he took a mouthful from his second steaming mug of liquid.

"You talk like her, did you know that?" Quinn asked a smile etched upon her face.

"I do not!" Puck retorted almost choking on his drink.

"You do, there is no way that the Puck I used to know would have used words like _unspoken mutual understanding._"

She was right, Puck thought to himself, although he was never going let Quinn have the satisfaction of knowing that.

"How is she, Rachel I mean?" Quinn asked tentatively.

Puck sighed, he didn't know why he was so bothered about Quinn asking this question especially since it had been the main reason in which the pair had agreed to meet up, but he knew he had to answer it.

"Honestly, she's better," Puck replied his gaze piercing the blondes.

Quinn's heart skipped a beat. What the hell was better supposed to mean? Was she ill? Had she hurt herself? Quinn was dying to know the answers to her questions but before she could speak, Puck noticed the look of anticipation on her face and continued without needing to be prompted.

"She's fine Q, honestly. She wasn't but she is now, well, she's getting better at least."

Quinn's heart returned to its normal speed however the thought of Rachel not being fine at one point didn't settle with her quite rightly.

"After you left she was a mess, instead of leaving a week early for NYADA like she'd planned to she ended up starting the term late which caused both herself along with her dad's a great deal of stress. They had to go to NYADA themselves and have a meeting with the board to explain that Rachel had been going through a tough time and that she really did want to be on the course. Obviously the board were reluctant about letting Rachel continue with the course because apparently not showing up for the first week of term doesn't show nearly enough commitment that is required to attend NYADA."

Quinn's mind was racing, not only with questions but with apologies and explanations, but she knew she needed to save them for when the time was right.

"Leroy and Hiram were so pleased when they found out that I'd moved in with Rachel because someone was there to keep an eye on her. She didn't eat properly for a while actually lets rephrase that, she didn't really eat at all, not unless somebody else cooked for her."

"I swear to God Puckerman if you didn't cook Rachel a three course meal each night I will hang you from the rafters by your testicles," Quinn seethed her fist clenching around her empty mug causing her knuckles to turn a ghostly white.

Pucks eyes widened, "I did make her eat, I promise, not a three course meal obviously, she was a student for Christ sake and I was getting jobs wherever I could with the only qualifications I own," he retorted trying to make it known to Quinn that he had tried the best he could and tried to make the best of a bad situation.

"You're right I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for leaving. I never should have…"

But Puck cut her off, "You have nothing to be sorry for, you only did what the rest of us weren't brave enough to do. I would love to think that I'd have been able to have done what you did, but I wouldn't have, and I respect you for the decision you made."

He laid his mug onto the table and put both of his hands around Quinn's that wasn't attached to an empty mug, although her grip did cease on it and colour poured back into the previously white knuckles. Tears filled Quinn's eyes at the tender acknowledgment of their friendship being rekindled on a completely new level.

"I tried to write. I wrote letters and never sent them. Some complete, some only half finished, some blurred so much that they are now illegible due to my tears washing the ink away," Quinn said trying to keep her tears at bay.

Puck didn't know what to do. Should he stand up and hug her? Or should he tell her it'll all be okay? Of course he couldn't do that, he couldn't lie to her, this could all go tits up and who knows what could happen, he didn't want to give the blonde false hope, so instead he squeezed Quinn's hand tighter hoping that she would understand what he was trying to say.

After a few minutes of Quinn's silent tears streaking down her face Puck decided that he needed to speak.

"That letter you sent a few days after you left, she still has it you know," Puck's tone of voice was very soft and almost visibly calmed the blonde. Her breathing slowed to a normal pace and her voice didn't tremble as she spoke. "

She tries to hide it from me, act as if she hates you and that she doesn't care, but she does though. On more than one occasion I've caught her reading it before she sleeps. She throws it onto the floor, quickly turns of the light and tells me goodnight, I usually leave it about an hour or so and then go back into her room again to make sure she's asleep and many a time she's picked the letter back up and fell asleep with it clutched to her chest," Puck continued.

Quinn smiled both at what Puck said and at the memory of writing the letter. She'd never wished Rachel a proper goodbye thus had decided to write one letter to her, telling her that one day she'd find her and for now she'd just have to take Quinn's word for it that she was in fact coming back.

Quinn swallowed before talking, "Does she hate me?"

She didn't quite want the answer, but she knew she needed the truth if she was going to get any closer to getting Rachel back.

"Are you really asking me that?" Puck replies trying to suppress the grin creeping across his face.

A wave of magenta washes over Quinn's pale complexion as Puck continues to talk, "Of course she doesn't hate you Quinn. She falls asleep hugging your letters and if she doesn't know what to do in a complicated situation she writes on a piece of paper WWQD and then decides which the best route to take is."

Quinn snorts at the last part, "What would Quinn do, really? She actually does that?" Quinn asked completely amazed.

"No, I made that last part up, but it got you smiling," Puck smiled at the blonde whose face softened at the comforting look the mohawked boy gave her.

"She's crazy about you," he paused, "you just have to prove that you're still crazy about her," and with that Puck removed his grip from Quinn's hands and made to stand up.

Quinn watched the boys actions but didn't follow him, she needed to be alone, to absorb everything she'd just been told and to decide what she should do next in her attempts at getting Rachel back, but before she did that she needed to talk to her.

"Are you not coming?" Puck asked.

"No, I need to do some thinking," Quinn replied, "Thanks though."

"No problem, shall I tell Rachel I've seen you or what?" Puck asked not knowing whether he could lie to Rachel for much longer.

"I'd like to see her, but out of the pair of us you know her best, so you can tell her and then she can meet me if she wants to, or you can arrange to meet her somewhere and not show up and mysteriously I'll show up instead," Quinn smiled, "Whichever one will give her the smallest heart attack."

Puck frowned, "Really, you are leaving this kind of a decision up to me?"

Quinn laughed, "You haven't changed a bit have you, just think WWQD."

Of course he had changed, and she knew it, but he hadn't changed in the way that he acted and spoke around Quinn and that made her smile. It made her smile because in a city that she barely knew there was a familiarity somewhere in the vastness of the unknown and that familiarity just happened to be Puck.

Quinn dug her hand into her pocket, pulled out a pen then reached for Pucks hand. She scrawled a number on it and then said, "My number, text me when you decide what to do."

"Will do," Puck replied.

"It was really great seeing you again and thank-you, thank-you for everything," Quinn smiled and her eyes sparkled.

Puck knew that sparkle anywhere, although it wasn't so much a sparkle, more of a glimmer: a glimmer of hope in this dull world that he liked to call life. Puck nodded as to acknowledge Quinn's words and turned on his heel to leave. After he'd taken a step he turned back to Quinn who was still watching him.

"Do you know how I knew you were coming back? Pucks asked.

Quinn shook her head hesitantly and Puck continued, "The fact that you never give up."

Quinn opened and closed her mouth but by the time she'd found her words, her eyes readjusted to the sight in front of her and she noticed that Puck had gone.

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><p><strong>Review review review! What did you think?<strong>

**Next chapter: Rachel meets up with Kurt, Rachel reads the letter that Quinn sent her when she left and Puck organises a meeting that could either make or break Quinn and Rachels friendship.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Glee or any of the characters unfortunately.**

**Thank-you once again for all the alerts and the reviews!**

**Here is the next update, don't you remember that Rachel asked for a cappuccino because I'm almost certain he didn't pick one up. Will Rachel notice though?**

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>When I Deserve You<br>**

Chapter Six

"I'm all for believing in Puck having an unpredictable side to him but I really do think you're looking way too much into this situation Rachel," Kurt replied to a huffing diva before taking another mouthful of his coffee.

"But he said he was going to get me a cappuccino and he didn't come back with one, he didn't even seem to have any recollection of actually asking me if I wanted anything or not," Rachel retorted with a look of exasperation strewn across her face throwing her hands in the air.

Kurt rolled his eyes forgetting how bad Rachel's tantrums could really get.

"Have you ever thought that he might have simply forgotten?" Kurt asked but immediately regretted it.

"No of course I haven't because that's simply too simple. There is more to this, I know there is and I am determined to find out what."

Kurt sighed, "Look I understand that you feel insecure about…"

He was quickly interrupted by a fuming diva, "You do not understand at all! You haven't got a clue Kurt! Did Blaine up and leave you? No I didn't think so, so stop pretending to understand how insecure I feel."

Kurt's mouth closed before opening again to drink the rest of his coffee in one large gulp. Silence fell over the pair. The scuffling of chairs around them broke the silence but other than that, the situation was tense.

"I'm sorry Kurt, I just, I'm so mad. It's not because of you, it's because of her! I know it's been three years but seriously. Even a note saying I'm never coming back would be better than that everlasting existence of hope that sadly enough I'm still clinging on to," Rachel almost whispered as not wanting to alarm customers by a sudden outburst.

Kurt stayed quiet not wanting to antagonise the diva anymore but luckily enough Rachel continued to talk anyway.

"You know in the movies where someone is stranded out at sea and the family never know if they are dead or alive and they just want confirmation either way? Well that's exactly how I feel. I feel pathetic for not being able to let go. I feel pathetic for holding onto the same string of hope that's lasted for three years and only ever got smaller."

As the diva came to a close Kurt shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He felt guilty for not mentioning that he'd seen, let alone spoken to Quinn. He couldn't even begin to imagine the burden of guilt that Puck was carrying and he suddenly found a new found respect for the man.

"Kurt?" Rachel questioned, "Kurt, hello? KURT!"

He jumped a little dazed from his thoughts and made eye contact with the brunette sitting in front of him.

"Sorry, yeah I completely agree, Kurt replied blindly.

"You weren't even listening were you?" Rachel asked down heartedly.

"Of course I was Rachel, I just think you should stop looking to blame other people. Puck has done everything for you and you still jump down his throat for the slightest thing that may or may not have been his fault. You haven't seen me in months and the first thing you do is rant about how unfortunate you are for not being spoken to by Quinn even though she did freaking warn you."

Rachel looked taken aback but couldn't say anything as Kurt was nowhere near finished.

"We've been sat here for forty minutes Rachel and you haven't even asked how I am. You haven't mentioned my engagement. You haven't seen Quinn in three years well poor freaking you because neither have the rest of us! Puck had a baby with her and he hasn't seen her, don't you think he's been wondering if she's been getting letters from Shelby as well? But has he yelled at you? Has he taken everything out on you? No he hasn't, he looked after you. He's looked after you for three years out of his own choice. He wasn't forced to, he could have walked away, but he didn't." He paused trying to catch his breath back.

A tear slid down Rachel's cheek but Kurt had one last thing to say, "Stop feeling sorry for yourself and put your feet in other peoples shoes for a change, we all feel sorry for you, of course we do, but that doesn't mean the rest of the world has stopped."

"I…I didn't realise I'm sorry Kurt. I'm so sorry. I've been so stupid and naïve and oh god it's like school all over again. I need to make it up to Puck don't I," Rachel pondered aloud looking for some kind of confirmation from the boy and it was quickly granted by a slight nod.

"I'm sorry Rachel, but the world doesn't revolve around you, once upon a time, when you were younger, when we were all younger maybe it did: when our lives were focussed around winning Nationals with you as our best bet of doing so. But it's not anymore. This is our new world, the real world. You have everyone there to support you, just let them in and treat them right and they'll always be yours."

Kurt and Rachel held each other's gaze for a fraction of a second. But that second was long enough for Kurt to see deep enough that the brunette had taken everything he'd said on board. His lips twitched and before Rachel's gaze left Kurt's she noticed it and hers began to curl as well.

"What?" Rachel chuckled trying to hide the fact that she was smiling.

"Oh nothing," Kurt lied.

"Nice try now spill," Rachel probed leaning over the coffee table to poke the boy in the arm.

"Ow," Kurt over dramatised rubbing the spot that Rachel had poked as if she'd just shot him with a machine gun.

"I'll tell Blaine that you've been threatening to take my coffee away from me again and we all know that that is the _only_ thing that keeps me sane."

Kurt's face immediately blanked and he shook his head vigorously.

"Hey I'm not that bad," Rachel protested.

"Yeah something like that," Kurt laughed, "I smiled because I can see that mischievous look in your eye and from experience I know that that look is going to be someone's ticket to hell or someone's VIP trip to the land of put-your-feet-up-because-Rachel-Berry-is-in-town."

Rachel pouted so Kurt stuck his tongue out.

"Anyway I must dash," Kurt said as he rose from the table, "Blaine wants to treat me to dinner tonight and if I want to look decent then I'd better start getting ready now."

"Its 1pm?" Rachel questioned.

"Exactly, gives me five and a half hours to get ready," Kurt winked.

"Kurt Hummel you could turn up in a sack held up by string and Blaine would still kiss the ground you walk on."

"I know, and that's why I love him so much," Kurt smiled before holding his arm out to the diva and allowing her to take it.

"I'll walk you home so you can waste the hours away watching Rent or Funny Girl or both, whichever floats your boat today," Kurt laughed.

"I'm glad Blaine said yes you know," Rachel smiled at the boy and he just used this as an excuse to hold her arm tighter and almost skip out of the café doors.

The couple walked along the streets of New York laughing and joking with one another. Although they hadn't seen each other in months it felt as if they'd never been away and as Rachel waved goodbye to Kurt and closed the door to her apartment she began to wonder if she would feel the same if Quinn ever came back.

Would they still be able to talk as if nothing had ever happened?

They used to talk; of course they did, but never to the extent of delving into one another's feelings, secrets and desires. The furthest they'd ever got on that front was Rachel confronting Quinn with her feelings and Quinn running for the hills.

Rachel frowned.

That wasn't fair and she knew it. She knew Quinn had her reasons, she just wished she knew them so that she could understand her sudden departure more; so that she could understand why Quinn hurt her at a time in her life when Rachel felt as if she needed support and stability, instead of her world being ripped out from beneath her feet.

She threw herself down onto her bed sighing and starting at the ceiling. The longer she looked at it the longer she was convinced she could see the outline of Quinn's face made out of the glow in the dark stars that had been stuck there by Puck.

Rachel, if she was completely honest, was still in complete awe of Puck for doing such a touching thing. After a full twenty four hours of not leaving her bed she awoke staring at her ceiling to be greeted by a ceiling full of stars. She had no idea of what time it was but by the way that the stars twinkled and glowed she'd assumed it was late in the evening if not past midnight.

Any day that she'd spent in her bed usually consisted of crying, thinking and sleeping. Whenever she woke up she'd always feel worse than when she slept because she knew another day had passed completely wasted. On this occasion though she had woken up with a smile on her face. She dragged her exhausted body to Puck's room and found the boy fast asleep on top of his bed clutching an empty box of glow-in-the-dark stars.

They calmed her and reminded her of all the good times in her life. All of the ambitions that she'd had and many, reached.

Puck tried so hard and yet she still blamed him for something that was beyond his control. That particular night she kissed his head and curled up next to him tucking her tiny body beneath the clutches of his muscular arm that was holding onto the empty box. Once completely satisfied and nestled as tightly into his chest as she could be she fell asleep and had her first peaceful night in what felt like forever. When she woke up Puck was gone and she was under the blankets.

He did care. Of course he cared.

Rachel shook her head wiping the memory from the front of her mind. She stretched her hand behind her and under her pillow searching for a familiar piece of paper. Once her hand found the crumpled piece of paper she dragged her hand back into view. Rachel carefully unfolded the piece of paper, tucked her knee's up to her chest and began to read.

She didn't know why she still read it. It gave her no comfort just a list of unanswered questions. Puck reckoned that every time Rachel read it she was hoping to find something that she'd missed before, an answer that she hadn't yet deciphered unfortunately however, to no avail.

_Rachel,_

_I never said goodbye and I'm sorry. Beyond sorry, but this way there is less of a connection to break and hopefully it will hurt less._

Every time Rachel read this line she laughed to herself, not because it was funny but due to its irony.

_In our lives everything seems straight forward. We walk in straight lines; we only turn if it is required of us or if it gives us a short cut. Our life seems to be centred on what's right and wrong, not what's in between._

_Everything is either left or right or black or white but we don't seem to notice how much the in between effects us and how much it influences us in our decisions. I'm not trying to make an excuse for me leaving; I just want a chance to explain to you that I'm not running away. _

_I want to concentrate on that part in between the right and wrong, in between the black and white, I want to find the grey that is essentially me. When somebody asks what I did with my life, I want to be able to look back and smile before answering. I then want to explain everything that I've done. I want to laugh at the memories, feel sad about the mistakes I've made but most of all I want to squeeze your hand when I'm explaining the really tough times in my life such as giving up Beth._

_I want to go home every night to be greeted by you, or to go home to an empty house knowing that I can plan a meal for you. I want to hug you when you've had a hard day at work. I want to watch every single appearance you make on Broadway. I want to be able to say your mine when somebody asks if I'm with someone._

_I want all of that more than anything but right now that it is so much more than I deserve. I want to deserve you in the way that you feel you deserve me. I need to learn how to look after myself before I can learn to look after somebody else. I need to lead a separate life to make sure that I'm not going into something that's over my head. I don't want to regret it and I don't want to spend any longer away from you that I have to. _

_If I write or call or contact you in any way I'll be jeopardising what we could potentially have. I might make the wrong decision and I don't want to do that. This all sounds very selfish and I'm sorry but I'm also hoping that you understand. There's a lot more explaining to do and I know that, of course I do but I'll do that when I get in contact again. _

_When I deserve you._

_I understand that this could take time, but remember that it isn't forever. I promise that it isn't forever. If I realise that I don't want this, if I realise that the feelings were never strong enough to make something out of them, then I will be honest and contact you to let you know in hope that I can make you understand help you understand. _

_I never want to lose you in my life. _

_If I find you and you're with somebody else or you've moved on in general then I'll respect that. Doesn't mean I won't turn on my Fabray charm for a while though. I'd do everything in my power to get you back, but if that didn't work then I'd work through it and try and move on._

_This could go so many ways but one definite thing is that it will always go forward._

_When I deserve you, I will come for you._

_All my love,  
>Quinn<br>xx_

Rachel didn't get to the end of the letter before her eyes gave up on her, but she'd read it so many times before that she knew it by heart and repeated it over and over to herself until she fell into a slumber.

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><p>Puck pulled his phone from his pocket and began typing in Quinn's number but it had started to rub off so he couldn't tell if the last number was a 3 or an 8. He figured that he'd try putting a 3 to start with, text the number and if he didn't get a Quinn-like-reply that he'd then try adding 8 instead.<p>

_Winter café 2pm Friday. Puck x_

That gave him three days to convince Rachel to have a late lunch date with him and for him to think of an excuse for not turning up. He threw his phone in the air and caught it again waiting for a reply but when five minutes had passed and no reply came through Puck punched in the other number.

Just as he was about to press send his phone vibrated in his hand and he nearly dropped it due to shock.

_Perfect. Quinn x_

It was sorted. Puck swallowed. Now all he had to do was get Rachel there, actually, that's the easy part, he thought to himself. The excuse will be the hard part.

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><p>Friday came around and Puck's nerves started to kick in. He anxiously tapped his foot while he scoffed down a bowl of cornflakes hoping to leave for work before the diva woke up. Thankfully he was quick enough and just before he left he attached a post-it note to the soya milk carton saying, "<em>don't forget about lunch Jew babe."<em>

He'd asked her about the lunch date the night before and the chances of her forgetting were very slim but all the same, this had to go perfectly and Puck needed to be sure she remembered.

At roughly two o'clock he was going to text Rachel saying that an emergency meeting had come up about health and safety regulations and he couldn't get out of it. He knew she'd be annoyed but hopefully she'd already be at the café so might as well eat there anyway or worse already encountered Quinn by this point.

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><p>Rachel rushed down the street and doubled checked her phone which read 1:58pm. She was never late, how on this one occasion had she let her reputation of always being ten minutes early down.<p>

She rounded the corner and after nearly bumping into an old man struggling to keep hold of his brief case felt her phone vibrate against her leg. The brunette slowed her pace and pulled the phone from her pocket once again and noticed the message icon was flashing. It was Puck.

_Health + Safety meeting came up. Can't avoid. Sorry! X_

"You have got to be kidding me," Rachel said aloud in a rather annoyed tone of voice.

Instead of stopping and turning her direction back to the apartment she decided that now she was less than fifty steps away from the café that she might as well go there to eat anyway.

She neared the café and peered through the window. It was relatively empty apart from the odd business man on his lunch break typing away furiously at a laptop perched on one of the tiny tables. Rachel shrugged and continued into the café already knowing what she was going to order.

The queue in front of her only consisted of one other person. She was about five foot seven and had shoulder length dirty blonde hair. Her posture was one to be admired if she was honest and Rachel found herself straightening up her own body feeling as if she was in some kind of unacknowledged competition.

The waiter asked what the blonde girl would like and as soon she spoke Rachel's jaw and heart hit the floor with a clatter. It couldn't be, could it?

"Quinn?" Rachel barely whispered yet it was loud enough that it travelled to the blondes ears.

The blonde began to turn and Rachel didn't think she was ready. She couldn't be ready. Three years was not enough preparation time.

The blonde was now face to face with Rachel and the colour drained from her face leaving it a pasty white colour.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "I'm back."

The door behind her was still ajar, she could run or she could face what had been haunting her dreams every night for the past three years.

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><p><strong>So will she run or stay? What do you guys want to happen?<strong>

** Also not far off 60 reviews and it would be wonderful if you guys could help me get there?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Glee or any of the characters unfortunately. **

**Thankyou all for the reviews and alerts! I received lots of opinions on whether Rachel should run or stay so I tried to incorporate all of them to satisfy all of you! Hopefully I did a good job.**

**A review also asked why Rachel is still hung up over Quinn despite it being three years and in response to this: all will be revealed in the next chapter!**

**It's a bit slow, but a crucial chapter, please bear with me and enjoy!  
><strong>

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><p><strong>When I Deserve You<strong>

Chapter Seven

"_Quinn?" Rachel barely whispered yet it was loud enough that it travelled to the blondes ears._

_The blonde began to turn and Rachel didn't think she was ready. She couldn't be ready. Three years was not enough preparation time._

_The blonde was now face to face with Rachel and the colour drained from her face leaving it a pasty white colour._

"_Yes," the blonde answered, "I'm back."_

_The door behind her was still ajar, she could run or she could face what had been haunting her dreams every night for the past three years._

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><p>Rachel held Quinn's gaze for half a second before tearing it away and looking determinedly at the floor. She couldn't do this. Not here. Not now. She thought she was ready, but she couldn't have been more wrong.<p>

The talking and background noises around her morphed into a distortion of sound and the floor began to spin. Her head felt lighter and lighter. She was holding her breath but couldn't seem to find a way to take in air. She tried to breathe but nothing happened. Her throat was dry, slowly constricting, becoming tighter and tighter.

Panic took over the diva. She needed air and she needed it now.

The distortion of noise became more muffled yet seemed very close. Footsteps could be distinguished amongst the buzzing in Rachel's ears and suddenly she felt claustrophobic.

She needed to breathe.

She needed to get out of there.

Rachel whipped her head up but was met with Quinn at a very close proximity reaching her hand out to hold the diva's shoulder.

"Rachel? Breathe okay Rachel. Goddamn it, breathe!"

As soon as Quinn's hand came into contact with Rachel's shoulder she felt a burning sensation almost as if somebody had pierced her body with fire. The next thing Rachel knew was a similar burning feeling accompanying her other shoulder.

Quinn's skin was so close.

The flaming sensation was from Quinn's grip. It felt familiar yet so foreign at the same time.

Rachel's eyes were filled with tears from panic; from worry and from lack of air. Quinn's grip tightened and as it did so Rachel's grip on reality also became more apparent. Rachel turned her head and through a blur of tears she noticed that the door was still open. She had never felt more enclosed and vulnerable in all her life.

The first thought that popped into her head? Run.

The brunette bolted for the door and the blonde quickly followed hurrying an apology to the waiter who was trying to give her the drink she'd ordered.

The slowly growing crowds of people lining the streets of New York made it impossible for Quinn to follow Rachel's direction. She squinted into the distance as far as she could but nothing but bobbing heads of passersby greeted her gaze.

Quinn sighed and decided to go back into the cafe, have a very strong coffee and text Puck to warn him about Rachel's potential breakdown. She stood on the balls of her feet one last time craning her neck as far as was physically possible before giving up and turning to the door.

The blonde turned, her front foot inside the door and then something caught her eye. Rachel. A grin crept upon Quinn's face but she had to suppress it as the brunette made eye contact. There against the wall of The Winter Café was Rachel Berry doubled over, hands on her knee's obviously trying to take in oxygen like she never had done before.

It was a first for Quinn, and surprisingly enough for Rachel, to find the brunette uncomfortable in a social situation causing her to almost pass out with panic.

The blonde moved closer taking careful tentative steps as not to startle the diva any more than she already had done and to make sure their eye contact was kept.

The closer Quinn got the harder Rachel held her gaze. She didn't know what she was looking for. Maybe for some confirmation that this was all real. Or maybe it was deeper than that. Maybe Rachel was already looking for the answers she'd yearned for a little over three years.

Rachel tore her chocolate discs away from honey coated ones when she noticed that Quinn was now standing next to her and in the seemingly complicated process of kneeling down.

"It's not hard to kneel down Quinn," Rachel said sarcastically frowning at the harshness of how she spoke.

Quinn blushed and stopped the process so she instead stood over the brunette's body.

"I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable, sorry," Quinn muttered.

Rachel felt immediately guilty. A part of her still cared so much about the blonde but another part couldn't give a care in the world.

The scariest part though was the fact that Quinn was now a stranger to Rachel yet she still found herself head over heels in love with her.

"That's considerate of you," Rachel blurted out with only a hint of sarcasm coating her voice.

Quinn didn't answer. She didn't know what to say, what to do or how to act. In her head it was all planned out, it had been planned out since what felt like forever, but now that she was faced with everything she'd left behind suddenly she wasn't so sure.

Shifting from the balls of her feet to her heels, backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards Rachel final lost patience.

"Do you want something Quinn because recovering a near death experience is not something I or anyone for that matter take lightly and with you rocking backwards and forwards expectantly is making me feel nervous and paranoid," the brunette paused and when the blonde continued to move from ball to heel without talking, she carried on, "Look I don't know why you're here or what you're expecting from me but you've wasted a journey and an awful lot of time."

Quinn mused for a second and bit her lip concentrating hard on what she was about to say hoping that it didn't sound too corny.

"I'm here for you but I'm not expecting you to talk to me. I live just two blocks away and needed lunch so it's not a wasted journey and on top of that, time is irrelevant."

Rachel scoffed at the last part and Quinn's brow furrowed.

"Time seemed pretty relevant when you disappeared off of the face of the planet for three solid years, or is that different?" Rachel asked lifting her body from the floor, pulling her shoulders back and looking Quinn squarely in the face.

Quinn was taken aback by the diva's outburst but she should have expected it. Her mouth opened and closed but nothing came out. She was about to defend herself and explain that it obviously was different but she remembered why she had come back. She had come back to make amends and hopefully more than that, however that more than definitely wasn't going to happen if Quinn declared that they weren't equals when they most definitely were.

"No, you're right, it's not different," Quinn replied honestly.

Rachel's confused eyes searched the blonde's rather empty looking ones trying to find a trace of deception, but couldn't find one.

Whilst the pair stared at each other, completely ignoring the citizens of New York pushing past them Rachel found herself searching Quinn's eyes much more thoroughly but every time she did was greeted with the same answer. Nothing. The lustre of Quinn's eyes had vanished. They were empty. The various contrasts of honey pigments were still there but they didn't shimmer and glow like they used to. Rachel hadn't seen Quinn smile yet but if she had she'd notice that her eyes didn't match it anymore. They were yearning. They needed filling. But by what? Quinn knew, of course she did, but Rachel was still yet to find out.

Rachel shivered and Goosebumps appeared on her arms coating her skin in delicate bobbles with her hair standing on end.

Quinn wanted to reach out and touch her. Warm her with her own hands. But that was so beyond out of the question the thought shouldn't have even entered Quinn's head.

"Come inside," Quinn said crossing her fingers behind her back.

"I'm fine out here thanks," Rachel replied refusing to meet Quinn's gaze as she shivered again.

"Okay, I'll see you around."

And with that Quinn turned around and began walking away. The walk felt familiar to Quinn, not that she walked away from Rachel last time, but from all of the other good things she'd walked away from in her life, such as Beth, her friends and her Dad.

Rachel watched Quinn walk away and it felt like an invisible string had been attached from Rachel's heart to Quinn whilst they were having their conversation because Rachel felt an urge to follow her, go with her and call her back even.

"Quinn," Rachel shouted.

The blonde stopped in her tracks and she finally uncrossed her fingers. She always knew Rachel had been a sucker for reverse psychology. She walked back to the blushing brunette and waited for her to continue.

"I lied. I'm cold, freezing actually and with my three upcoming Broadway auditions getting a cold or throat infection is completely out of the question so I'll go in," Rachel motioned to the Café that they were standing outside of.

Quinn tried to suppress a smile but it broke through so she directed her gaze at the floor. She didn't want Rachel to think she was laughing at her after all.

"Come on then," Quinn said as she nodded her head to the window.

She held the door open for the brunette of whom reluctantly thanked the blonde.

As they stood in the queue once more looking in every direction but each other, Rachel spoke again.

"Just to remind you I'm only in here because of my Broadway auditions and the fact that I'm very low on caffeine today. We are also paying separately."

Quinn just nodded still not looking at the brunette just in case she could suss out that Quinn knew the real reason why she was in there: because Puck had stood her up.

* * *

><p>The girls sat down at a table right next to the window. Little did Quinn know but Rachel had picked the table deliberately so that if conversation ran low, which it inevitably would, she could pretend that she was looking at something interesting out the window.<p>

Quinn sipped her coffee looking over the rim of her mug admiring every fascinating feature that she could rake up with her eyes. Rachel's prominent cheek bones, her glistening brown eyes and the perfect way in which her hair still looked as if so much care had been put into it, yet she doubt it actually had.

Rachel noticed that she was being watched but didn't put a stop to the blonde's behaviour. She felt almost comfortable again. Comfortable with the fact that the blonde was looking at her like she missed her, it made her feel less stupid because she had sure as hell missed Quinn.

Another five minutes passed in silence in which Rachel pretended to find the pigeon sitting on the bin outside interesting before anticipation finally took over.

"One of us is going to have to talk sooner or later," Rachel scoffed still looking at the pigeon.

"Why would we have to do that? You're only in here because your career in Broadway is important," Quinn replied hiding her smirk behind her coffee mug.

Rachel blushed. She'd never been good with keeping up pretences but she didn't have to admit that to Quinn.

"Yes that is very true but while we are both here we might as well talk and clear the air, it might take some time seeing you have three years of explaining to do," Rachel replied, annoyance lacing her voice.

"Okay, well you ask whatever you want and I'll tell you exactly what you want to know," Quinn smiled putting her empty mug on the table before bringing her hands together fiddling with her silver bracelet.

"Or you could just tell me why you fucked off," Rachel blinked, "and the quicker we can get this over with."

"But you said I had three years of explaining to do, if you want a blow by blow account of what happened and how I felt each day then one, we could be here for a very long time, and two the conversation would be over within twenty seconds because I can't even remember what I had for breakfast, if any, the day I left," Quinn finished defiantly.

Rachel huffed and sank lower into her chair slowly drawing her gaze away from the pigeon to meet Quinn's eyes.

"Okay cut the crap Quinn, what makes you think you can disappear for three years, not call, write or anything and then come back and act like everything's okay?" Rachel near but shouted.

Quinn didn't flinch. She didn't yell. She didn't show any signs of emotions and that unnerved Rachel.

"I don't think its okay for me to come back and do anything. If you want to yell at me, berate me, hit me, throw things at me or never talk to me again then you have the right to do that. I won't stop you. If the roles were reversed I'd be the first to do it to you," the blonde said matter-of-factly.

Rachel just stared and she could feel the warmth of tears ebbing nearer and nearer to the surface. But she couldn't show weakness. Not now. Not to Quinn. So she reverted back to looking out the window only to find that the pigeon she had been previously staring at had gone.

"How can you be so calm?" Rachel questioned.

Honestly, Quinn didn't know but when she started to think about it, the answer was obvious.

"Because I've been planning this day for a little over three years. I'd never know what to expect but I always knew it was coming."

This caught Rachel's attention and her head whipped around.

Quinn had been thinking about her every day for three years. Had she always known she was going to come back? Had she always known that there was a chance Rachel could have moved on? These were just two of the questions that were floating in Rachel's head begging to be answered.

"Every night for three years and stare at the ceiling above me wondering if you'd changed, if you'd dyed your hair, if you were on Broadway, if you were with any of the Glee members and a lot of other things. I'd think about them all until I fell asleep; then I'd dream about them," Quinn finished realising how cliché she'd just sounded.

If she'd thought about her every night, why didn't she just call or write or something, Rachel wondered.

It was as if Quinn had read her thoughts because the next thing she said seemed to answer Rachel's question.

"If I'd have written or called or got in contact with you me going in the first place would have been pointless."

"You sent one flimsy letter! Is that supposed to make up for three years of lost time?" Rachel shouted and a couple of people in the café turned and frowned in the girls direction.

"The same letter that you fall asleep with clutched to your chest every night?" Quinn deadpanned.

Rachel stopped in her tracks.

How the hell did she know? She had only just seen Quinn for the first time in three years, unless, no, Puck would have said, wouldn't he?

As Rachel sat silently Quinn realised exactly what she had just done and her heart faltered.

"You've seen Puck," Rachel stated.

"Not in so many words," Quinn replied fiddling with her mug handling refusing to meet the diva's glare.

"How many, _Quinn_?"

The emphasis on her name told the blonde that Rachel was slowly becoming more and more agitated.

"Enough," the blond replied.

"How many is enough?"

"I" Quinn started and then stopped but a prompting cough from the diva made the blonde realise that she had no time to dawdle on this matter.

"I saw him briefly the other day because I didn't want to scare you right out of the blue. I didn't expect to meet him, it just, well, it just kind of happened. Sorry."

Quinn expected Rachel to explode with anger but she didn't. Instead a coy smile played on the brunettes lips.

She still cares about me, Rachel thought to herself. Suddenly Rachel realise that Quinn had noticed her smile so she quickly wiped it from her face.

The atmosphere was tense and Quinn was still half expecting that the brunettes acting skills were still in play but after a long silence Quinn's mind was put at rest.

"That was considerate of you," Rachel at last responded.

Quinn sighed with relief.

Neither girl knew quite what was happening and the surreal situation that was playing out in front of them confused them both as suddenly general conversation took over and it was as if nothing had ever happened.

As if no one had ever parted.

"Kurt and Blaine are getting married," Rachel smiled the familiar excitement back in her voice.

"Yeah I heard," Quinn replied also smiling.

Rachel stopped. There it was again. How did Quinn know something was about to happen before she'd even mentioned it? Puck wouldn't remember information like that so it must be…and before she could stop herself she was off on a rant again.

"You've seen Kurt as well haven't you?" Rachel asked bewildered crossing her fingers in her lap hopiong that it wasn't true.

Quinn shifted in her seat and didn't answer.

"Oh my God you have, urgh, I'm so stupid thinking that I would be the first person on your mind when you came back," Rachel said throwing her head back in exasperation.

"It wasn't like that. I ran into him and I asked if he knew where Puck was and he said that you were living together, that's all," Quinn defended.

"So who else have you seen then? Have you met up with Santana and Brittany in the last three years? Did you ring up Finn for a general chat? Anything else I should know about?" Rachel cried tears escaping her eyes.

"I'm always the last one to know, and there was me thinking you went away so you could come back knowing who you are, knowing what you want and who you want. I thought you wanted me and I was so stupid to wait for three years thinking that I wanted you."

Quinn's heart dropped.

"I couldn't have been more wrong," Rachel said as she looked to the door planning her route to leave.

"Look, I didn't plan on seeing any of them I promise. I wanted to see. If you would just give me a chance to explain I'll tell you. I want to let you in Rachel, not just into the last three years but my life in general. I'm not asking you to understand if you don't and I'm not going to beg for forgiveness for going if you don't want to give it, but I am _not_ going to sit here and beat myself up about something that I felt I needed to do," Quinn finished blushing slightly at her outburst.

"Well I'm not going to forgive you and I don't understand so you got both of those right," the brunette paused as she contemplated her words fiddling with the handle of her mug, "I don't want you to beat yourself up Quinn I just wish I could understand and that's something I feel I never will," Rachel said her tone softened somewhat slightly.

Quinn swallowed and just watched the diva jump out of her chair and walk away, this time though, Quinn didn't follow.

* * *

><p><strong>So Rachel has stormed out and Quinn is left reeling. Reviewsopinions/criticisms would be great****!**

**I'm really grateful for everything that I get and I'm glad you are all on this journey with me!**

**Next Chapter: Will Kurt and Puck both get an earful from a fuming and lovestruck diva? And will puck be able to coax it out of Rachel of why she still wants Quinn?**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Glee or any of the characters unfortunately. **

**Apologies for the slight lateness and sorry for the lack of length! I really needed to get this updated but the next chapter will be much better!**

**I've realised that my writing has gone down hill lately, so I'm sorry and I am trying to improve it!**

**Enjoy :D**

* * *

><p><strong>When I Deserve You<strong>

Chapter Eight

Rachel dashed along the street pushing past people who seemed to be moving too slow for the diva's liking. Nothing was moving fast enough. Time, her thoughts but more importantly: herself.

She needed to get home. She needed to see Puck.

Her head was spinning, her mind whirring. The questions in Rachel's head had mounted to such an extent that she was sure a mish-mash of words would soon tumble out of her mouth in no coherent order to the nearest passerby. Colours and noises blurred Rachel's senses the further and further she walked. As she finally rounded the corner to her apartment a wave of relief washed over the diva. She was a few more steps closer to some answers.

Rachel shook her head. It wasn't that simple. Everything just involved more questions. It was all just a puzzle. An impossible puzzle. Just when one piece looked like it fitted, it was either too big or too small.

So close but not close enough.

* * *

><p>"Hey," Puck greeted from the couch as he heard the apartment door close.<p>

Rachel chose not to reply and continued to walk over to the table with the four accompanying chairs, and lay her coat over the nearest one. She stood for a few seconds, her gaze not focussed on anything just thinking. How could he have done this to her?

"Funny story to tell you Jew babe," laughed Puck, his voice growing closer and closer until it was right next to her ear. Warm arms snaked around the brunette's waist and he kissed her cheek before pulling away.

You're doing well Puck, act casual, maybe she isn't mad, the mohawked boy thought to himself. Maybe it all went smoothly. He walked over to the fridge pulled out some orange juice and began chugging it from the carton.

Puck waited for the rant on the importance of hygiene, but it never came. Something was definitely wrong but he couldn't be the first to break so he tried talking again.

"Do you want to hear my funny story?" Puck asked a hint of worry lacing the tone of his voice.

Rachel lifted her eyes from the table and connected them with Pucks. He swallowed. He hoped to God Rachel had paid this month's rent already because the hell that could be unleashed may lose them a roof over their heads.

Puck smiled weakly waiting for the brunette to answer. He held his breath. His heart beat faster. His palms became sweaty.

Rachel knew how anxious she was making Puck she could see all of the tell tale signs. The loosening grip on the juice carton, the look of worry behind his eyes and the lump in his throat that she was convinced she could see.

She opened her mouth and closed it again.

"Come on babe, wanna hear or not, I don't have 'til Christmas," Puck joked turning around to put the carton back in the fridge only to turn back again to be met with a cold stare.

"I didn't have three years to wait let alone until Christmas so unless this humorous story is about how you managed to bump into Quinn then sit down and have coffee with her all without telling me, then I am not the damn bit interested," Rachel finished calmly.

Puck swallowed.

"Actually it was about one of the kids because the story _you're_ talking about is well, um," Puck struggled.

"Well, um what? What is it Puck?" Rachel asked a little angrily.

"Of course it's not funny, why did you bring it up like that, you could have just asked," Puck shot back.

"Maybe I wouldn't have had to ask at all if you had just told me!" Rachel yelled throwing her hands up in the air before placing them back on her hips in her typical diva stance.

"I couldn't tell you…" Puck started but he trailed off realising that he couldn't finish because he didn't know how to finish. The truth was he could have Rachel he just _chose_ not to. Not because he wanted to hurt or spite her, but because he wanted to protect her.

"You couldn't tell me because?" Rachel prompted agitation taking over.

"I lied. I could have told you, but I chose not to," Puck said bluntly, willing to take the consequences for his honesty.

Rachel's arms fell to her side. Her heart dropped. Thinking back to her meeting with Quinn, she hadn't said that she'd forced Puck to stay quiet; she'd merely explained her own reasons for seeing him first and not her.

Tears threatened Rachel's eyes.

"You knew and you _chose_ not to tell me. I've waited three years Puck, three long, hard years and you didn't even tell me she was back," Rachel cried, warm tears leaving pale tracks down her cheeks.

Puck's heart broke at the sight of Rachel breaking down again. He hadn't meant for this to happen. He hadn't meant for Quinn to come back. He wanted her to, of course he did, but if she was just going to cause more pain than before, he'd rather she'd have stayed away.

The mohawked boy moved his way around the table and attempted to bring the diva into a hug but was pushed away.

"I don't want your comfort, I want your honesty. I _wanted_ your honesty," Rachel sniffed the flow of her tears having slowed slightly.

"You have my honesty Rachel, I wanted to be honest, I did," Puck protested but the brunette wasn't interested.

"The last three years of my life have been based on the little ray of hope that was Quinn's return. You knew that. You've been here through everything, you've watched everything, you've watched me fall apart and nearly lose everything and then suddenly that little ray of hope becomes a reality and you hid it from me. Did you not want me to be happy again? Have you and Kurt spoken about Quinn?" Rachel yelled, her voice becoming more high pitched the longer she spoke and the anger coating her voice became more prominent.

"Puck just stood and took the abuse from Rachel. He let it wash over him like a wave crashing into the shore. His shoulders slumped and his eyes glistened due to the unshed tears. He didn't want to fight, he didn't want to argue. Their lives had been centred on arguing about Quinn's absence for the best part of three years and now suddenly Quinn was back and their arguing had intensified.

Puck watched Rachel. He watched her face going through a frenzy of emotions as if she was unsure of how she should feel.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Rachel asked still clearly annoyed.

Puck thought about it for a moment, and then answered, "I'd do it again."

"What?" Rachel asked a little confused by what the boy standing in front of her meant.

"If Quinn left again, or if anybody you loved left and then returned after a while I'd hide it from you."

Rachel's temper hit boiling point.

"What is wrong with you Noah! You are supposed to fight back, shout me down, tell me I'm just being stupid, why don't you? Why won't you?"

"I'd hide it from you again because I care too much about you to have you rushed into something that might be a little full on. If I watched you fall apart and had to slowly help you piece your life back together I wouldn't let you go head first into something I wasn't sure if you could handle or not," Puck paused to judge the diva's expression wondering whether he should continue or not and when Rachel closed her mouth and silence engulfed the room, he continued, "I didn't tell you about Quinn because I wanted to make sure that she was back for good. I wanted to make sure she was serious about being here and wanting to meet you. I didn't want her to just turn up at the apartment one day with a list of reasons of why she left without knowing if you were ready or not. I know I've handled this badly, and I know you still met her blindly but the way you've talked about her in this past week, the way you've spoken as if you want to see her again and not shouted about how she left you, made me realise that it'd be good for you to see her. You've been stronger this last week than you have in the last three years and that's what made me realise you were strong enough to take on the colossal task of allowing Quinn back into your life."

Rachel just stared at Puck not knowing what to say. He'd grown, she thought to herself. It probably started when he first joined Glee club and probably never stopped since, the process may have slowed over time but it never stopped.

She directed her eyes to his and noticed how a single tear had fallen from his eye. It took a lot to make Puck cry. She'd heard him at night sometimes when he'd assumed she was asleep jut because her eyes were closed. He only ever cried if it was about somebody he loved. And that somebody he loved at the moment was Rachel.

It was in that moment that Rachel knew she didn't need to say anything in response to the mohawked boy. If she had said anything, she probably would have ruined the moment. A mutual understanding of silence was made as Rachel bowed her head slightly still looking Puck in the eyes.

He knew that nod. It was a nod of defeat and a nod full of apologies, so he walked over to the diva and pulled her into a hug. He inhaled her perfume and it lay as a reminder of every single time they'd argued but stopped in the exact same way.

Just a mutual agreement.

* * *

><p>"You do know you're going to have to see her again right?" Puck asked as he shovelled another large forkful of food into his mouth causing Rachel to wince.<p>

"It is unsanitary to put that much food in your mouth at once Noah," Rachel replied her face contorted in disgust.

"Technicalities," Puck responded his mouth full of half chewed food.

"If those technicalities hit me in the face I'll shove this fork so far…" but Puck cut her off.

"Stop avoiding it Jew babe, when are you seeing her again?"

Rachel swallowed looked down at her plate and began pushing the remaining food around into a circle shape.

It was a very good question.

When was she going to see Quinn again, assuming that she didn't want to see her, right?

* * *

><p><strong>Will Rachel see Quinn again? What do you think?<br>Santana will be introduced soon but who's side will she be on, Quinn or Rachels? How do you think Santana should be introduced, send your ideas!**

**Next chapter: Rachel makes a decision. Puck talks feelings. Kurt talks sense.**

**Reviews and comments mean the world to me and they really help me with ideas and changes to my writing :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Glee or any of the characters. **

**_Sorry for the re-post but I needed to make some spelling corrections! _  
><strong>

**Thank-you all so much for the alerts and reviews!** **Thank-you even more for the amount of ideas you guys have sent about how Santana should be introduced and who's side she should be on, if any at all. **

**It is a rather lengthy chapter so I hope it makes up for the last chapter. I also hope this chapter helps you understand why Rachel still likes Quinn, if it doesn't let me know and I'll try and elaborate later on in the story!**

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>When I Deserve You<strong>

Chapter Nine

The food remaining on Rachel's plate now resembled a perfect circle. She continued to push it around a bit knowing that Puck's eyes were watching her over move but his mouth never stopping eating.

"Another drink?" Rachel asked clearly still wanting to avoid the question.

"Thanks but no, do you know what I would like though?" Puck asked a smirk spreading over his chiselled face.

Rachel stood up from the table and walked over to the fridge, pouring herself another glass of wine. She turned back to see Puck still smirking.

"What?" Rachel asked unable to suppress her grin.

She loved Pucks smile, but even more than that she loved the way his eyes shone when he was determined to get what he wanted.

"I'd like an answer to my question that I did ask," Puck looked up at the clock on the wall, "Twenty minutes ago."

Ah, Rachel thought to herself, about that.

She had always been good at changing the topic of conversation, unlucky for her though Puck had always had the gift of being able to go along with the new topic and slip in the old one somewhere along the line.

"Talk to me" Puck nearly asked, but then he realised, he didn't want to ask. He was sick of asking and not getting anywhere, so he made it a statement because he knew she'd never refuse. And if she did, he'd put on his perfect Puckasaurus pout, I mean, who could resist that, the mohawked boy thought to himself.

Rachel knew she'd put it off long enough and no longer had a choice so she nodded to the couch and said, "I'll be there in a second."

With those few words Puck was already off of his chair and darting towards the couch reader to grab a blanket so that they could tuck themselves up like old times.

Within ten minutes the pair was tucked up under a blue and yellow starred blanket and Puck had already managed to lure Rachel into to discussing the only topic at the front of his mind: Quinn.

"I don't understand why you still like her, I mean; it wasn't as if you were together at school or anything. You didn't kiss, hug or even talk that much to be honest. You were like two strangers most of the time that had a mutual understanding of when the other needed help," Puck said hoping that it wasn't too much for the diva to cope with.

Rachel thought for her second. She'd often asked herself the very same question, but the answer seemed to be different every time.

Not knowing quite what to say to Puck, Rachel just tried to explain exactly what was in her head.

"I don't know what to say, I suppose it all stems from Finn," the diva started.

Puck looked bemused not knowing whether to talk and give an opinion or just stay quiet but Rachel quickly carried on not giving the mohawked boy to dwell on anything but the diva's following words.

"I've never been popular; if having two gay dads wasn't bad enough the way I dressed and how I acted could do nothing but make any situation worse. People would laugh at me, and the summer before I became a junior I wanted that to change. When I saw Finn for the first time, he was everything that I wanted to be; popular, good looking…" but Rachel was cut off before she could finish her sentence.

"You were one hot jew-nior," Puck chuckled, "See what I did there?"

Rachel just rolled her eyes and playfully punched Puck in the chest before speaking again.

"Carrying on what I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted," Rachel said, a coy smile playing on her face, "I basically just wanted to fit in and I thought that if I could be with Finn then I could do that. Surprisingly enough it worked, okay we were never the perfect couple and we had our problems but I was happy and so was he and back then that was all that mattered."

Puck nodded showing his full understanding of the divas situation. He had no idea how she felt because he'd never experience it but he wanted to do his utmost best to try and understand and be supportive in the best way that he could.

"So what about Quinn?" Puck asked, "Where does she come into this?"

Rachel's smile grew wider, she still remembered the first time that she'd seen Quinn Fabray, head cheerleader walking down one of the many school hall ways and remembered how she'd felt in complete awe as the students parted like the red sea. Her neat ponytail bobbed up and down with each tentative step she took and her gaze was never at anyone, always forward, always looking ahead.

At the last thought Rachel's smile faded, Quinn always had looked forward until she got pregnant, it was then that time seemed to stop for Quinn, it was then that Rachel had realised she'd fallen for a girl not much unlike herself.

A nudge from Puck brought Rachel back to reality and she apologised for having briefly zoned out.

"Quinn was different and I think that's why she stuck out to me."

"Sorry, I don't follow. Quinn was the person that everybody wanted to be, there were a line of cheerleaders exactly like her, so why single out Quinn?" Puck asked a little confused.

"Everybody thought they wanted to be like her, they didn't though, they wanted the position of high status that she had. Quinn was once Lucy Caboosey and in that picture that Finn kept of her, her smile met her eyes, all of the other times I'd seen Quinn, her smile didn't meet her eyes. Not once."

Puck had never thought about it like that before, but it still didn't make sense as to why Rachel liked her so much.

"That still doesn't account for your feelings," Puck added.

"Quinn was a challenge. She was the 'me' that I wanted to be, the difference was was that I was happy at nothing. Quinn resembled how I wanted my life to be, the popularity, the looks but then I realise after seeing Quinn that if I became that person, I would be more miserable than I already was. I was miserable, but I was happy that I had to work for what I achieved; it was never given to me on a plate. I wanted to know if Quinn was the same. I wanted to know if Quinn was happier when she was Lucy, she says she wasn't but there are memories we are all fond of even if we didn't like our appearance in the picture reminding us of the event."

Puck nodded once more trying to get his head around this whole situation. It was the most he'd ever managed to get out of Rachel about Quinn without her breaking down and crying: or yelling for a matter of fact.

"So you liked Quinn because she was a challenge, or getting Quinn was a challenge, or what? I'm confused," Puck admitted bashfully.

Rachel smiled and rubbed his arm in a comforting motion.

"Quinn was my first girl crush and Finn was my first boyfriend. Finn depicted everything society assumed I should have, so when I found myself with feelings for Quinn I brushed it off. It became harder though, the more I saw Quinn and the more I saw Finn, the more I was realising how different the two was. I watched Kurt get pushed around and made to leave his own school because of being honest about himself and I was already an outsider, I couldn't let that happen to me," Rachel paused, "So I played it safe, I stuck with Finn until senior year until I realised that I wanted to remember my senior year as being a happy time with the people who I loved the most, not the time that I pretended to be someone who I wasn't. That didn't mean I had to shout it from the roof tops that I liked Quinn Fabray, but in my head I could admit it to myself without feeling guilty."

Rachel turned her head back to face Puck. She didn't realise that she'd turned away and was talking to thin air, she felt embarrassed but there were more important things at hand that needed to be dealt with.

"That all makes sense, you wanted to feel safe, there was nothing wrong with that. Why did you decide to tell her then, I mean you had all the chances in the world, why wait until the final week of term?"

That was a very good question, why had Rachel waited. Surely if she'd liked Quinn that much she would have wanted to tell her much earlier so they could spend as much time together as possible?

"Just because I wasn't with Finn anymore didn't mean I didn't want to feel safe. That one week still presented the opportunity of potential slushie facials, it still offered Quinn time to make my life a living hell, or worse, it could have offered Quinn an escape. She could have not spoken to me for the final week and left without a word. Not that she did much better anyway," luckily Puck didn't hear the last part as Rachel muttered it very slightly under her breath.

"Quinn and I shared intimate moments. Although she never helped me without having something in it for herself I was still willing to help her, because I would have done anything to have been let into the life of Quinn Fabray. I mean who wouldn't? But I was different, I didn't want her for her popularity or her looks, I wanted her because she was her, underneath the uniform and the façade she was and still is just plain and simple Quinn, with big dreams just like the rest of us. I love the determination she has. You know, I think I worked out why Quinn never mentioned me confessing my feelings for her: because she was scared. She'd never been in a proper relationship before and didn't know how to cope with someone having genuine feelings for her, let alone it being a girl. Every time I helped her she didn't help me back because she was scared of doing a bad job, therefore if she didn't try at all, she didn't have anybody to blame."

"Some of that was in the present tense," Puck pointed out.

Rachel blushed but said, "I don't know what you mean."

"You said that you love the determination she has. You used the present tense, you still like her Rachel."

Rachel pushed the blanket off of her and made to stand up but Puck grabbed her wrist. She turned looking him in the eyes.

"I'm trying to understand how you're feeling, I really am. You still like her Rachel and after everything she's put you through that must be almost impossible to accept. It must be humiliating and you must hate yourself for letting yourself like, maybe even love, someone that hurt you so much with so few explanations."

Rachel held the mohawked boys gaze and said, "I felt like the unpopular one again, who was pushed into the corner for how she looked or how she acted. By senior year I had gotten over that, and to be honest even in that last week if I had been pushed to the floor again and been treated like dirt I would have done so with my head held high, but I never expected it from her. Never. If she has her reasons, that's wonderful and I wish I knew them but I can't just forgive her. I can't and I don't think I ever can."

Rachel felt relieved; she'd finally got it all out in the open. She didn't know how much Puck had understood, but that didn't matter, it wasn't all bottled up anymore. A problem shared it a problem halved right, Rachel thought to herself.

"Oh God," the brunette suddenly realised, "I didn't answer your question."

"Hadn't noticed," Puck replied sheepishly, "I'd forgotten sorry."

Rachel grinned at the mohawked boy, "Will I see Quinn again?" Rachel thought about it briefly, "Yeah, I think I will, everybody is allowed to explain themselves even if there isn't room for a second chance," Rachel finished turning her head away, sadness filling her heart.

Puck smiled at the diva for her honesty and loosened his grip on her wrist allowing her to pull her arm away and walk off silently to her bedroom. He admired her honesty but he couldn't help but mull over Rachel's words in his head, _I can't and I don't think I ever can._

She didn't mean that, surely, Puck thought to himself.

* * *

><p>The next few days passed with no sign or sound of Quinn. Neither Puck nor Rachel knew if this was a good thing or not, but Puck dared not test his luck with bringing the subject up unwillingly into conversation. Although Rachel didn't say anything she was slightly hurt by the fact that Quinn hadn't tried to get in touch again, surely if she was that bothered about getting Rachel back into her life, she'd try everything possible?<p>

"You think she would have tried to contact me again by now," Rachel said crunching on a bowl of cornflakes.

Puck was shocked to say the least to hear him talking about the blonde willingly, but wasn't going to pass up the opportunity of helping Rachel open up even more.

"Yeah, maybe you should contact her," Puck replied pulling his phone from his pocket and throwing it at the diva.

"What's this for? And how do you suppose I contact her?" Rachel asked in annoyance as if to say _don't you think I would contact her if I could._

"I have her number," Puck stated feeling slightly guilty for not letting the diva know this piece of information before, but then again she hadn't asked.

Rachel didn't answer and silently scrolled down to the letter Q. Her face contorted into a state of confusion. There weren't any numbers under the letter Q. She continued to scroll frantically up and down the numbers but to no avail. She sighed; maybe Puck had deleted it just in case she found his phone and went ballistic. Considerate really, Rachel thought to herself.

Rachel abandoned her half eaten bowl of cereal and handed Puck his phone back.

"You've got it then," Puck smiled, "Go call her now."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"You deleted her number Noah."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did," Rachel replied now rather agitated with Puck's lies.

"Trust me jew babe, it's on there," He scrolled through the phone numbers himself and said, "See, it's here."

"But I looked under every letter; there wasn't even a category for the letter Q."

Puck blushed and handed over the phone.

Rachel chuckled, "Hot blonde, really? No wonder why I couldn't find her number."

Puck's blush faded and in turn her smirked, "I figured if you found my phone and found her name on there you'd go a bit nuts, so I played it safe."

"You really are considerate Noah," Rachel laughed pummelling his arm with light punches.

"So go on then, ring her," Puck almost demanded.

Rachel bit her lip, "I wouldn't know what to say."

"Just you know, ask to meet up again, it isn't hard."

Rachel rolled her eyes, "I know that bit isn't hard I mean once I see her or meet her or whatever, I won't know what to say and I don't want it to be awkward again, that wouldn't be good for either of us."

The girl had a point, Puck thought to himself and just as if someone above had heard his thoughts, a light bulb sparked to life in his head.

"Grab your coat, we're going out," Puck said dashing past Rachel to grab his wallet.

"What, why?" Rachel groaned, not wanting to leave the apartment.

Puck ignored the diva's question but spoke anyway, "There is only one person who knows Quinn like the back of her hand."

Rachel thought for a minute, nobody knew Quinn that well did they? Suddenly realisation dawned on Rachel.

"Absolutely no way," Rachel said to the mohawked boy.

Puck grinned, "Yes way. And anyway you don't have a choice because if you don't come willingly, I'll have to drag you."

"But," Rachel tried to protest.

"No buts, jew babe, we are seeing Santana and that is final."

The diva huffed but obliged either way, pulling on a jacket she gave Puck the filthiest look but he just shrugged it off.

"It's for your own good," Puck smiled as he linked arms with the diva leading her out of the apartment door.

* * *

><p>"Hurry up," Rachel shouted over the roar of the subway trains to the boy who had literally just stepped onto the platform.<p>

"What?" Puck yelled back not being able to hear the diva.

Rachel rolled her eyes and instead of shouting just gestured with her hands for the boy to follow her. They climbed the stairs two at a time that lead out of the subway where the pair breathed in fresh air once more.

"My phones ringing," Rachel said impatiently.

"Sorry if that fat guy wasn't in my way I would have got off the train quicker," Puck replied clearly annoyed at the diva's impatience.

He knew she didn't want to be here but if she wasn't then she would never have a hope in hell of talking to Quinn again without shouting, arguing or being incredibly awkward.

Rachel rolled her eyes and looked down to the vibrating phone in her hand. Kurt's name flashed across the screen. She pressed the green answer button and without hesitating launched into an obviously well rehearsed argument about how Kurt should have told Rachel that he'd seen Quinn.

"Why did you think it was okay to hide from me the information that Quinn was back? Did you not think I deserved to know? I know Puck has been finding it hard to live with me for the past three years and I know you've had to put up with a lot of crap from me too, but that doesn't give you the right to withhold, what I deem, important information and…"

Puck was surprised to notice that the brunette had been stopped in her tracks and he could almost sense Porcelains rolling of the eyes demeanour at the other end of the phone before launching back a similar argument to Rachel's.

"If I hadn't have seen Quinn you may not have ever seen her again. I didn't go out of my way to find her, she just ran into me one day and we spoke. It was awkward…"

But the diva was off again, "I don't care if youdidn't go out of your way to find her I just I would have liked to have been told about it."

Kurt acted as if he hadn't been interrupted and just continued from where he left off, "It was awkward and she didn't know what to say, so I started the conversation. I yelled at her a bit, I told her that if she really wanted to see you again that she needed to know how hard she was going to work. I stuck up for you Rachel, I know it hadn't been easy for her but I also know it hadn't been easy for you either. She's a good person deep down and I know you still like her," Kurt stopped waiting to be yelled at, but when it didn't come her continued.

"It must be hard to cope with the fact that you still like her, but she is a good person, as are you, she did what she had to do, just like you did what you had to do to get to New York, you should at least hear her out, if not for your sake then for hers. She needs to get it out of her system just like I'm sure you needed to get it out of yours by talking to Puck."

A wave of guilt engulfed Rachel, she really shouldn't have yelled at him. It wasn't his fault after all and everything he had just said was true, so there was nothing else to really do or say but thank-you.

"Thanks Kurt, and I'm sorry for yelling I was just, well, I guess I was annoyed I wasn't the first on her mind when she came back."

"Trust me Rach, you were, if you wasn't she wouldn't have come back," and with that Kurt bid the diva goodbye and ended the call.

Rachel stuffed her phone back in her pocket and looked over to the mohawked boy who was annoying the pigeons by running at them and stopping just before he reached them. Each time the pigeons would fly a little further away and nibble at the ground again right before the boy ran back at them.

"Noah that is inhumane," Rachel scorned at the boy.

"They are just pigeons," Puck replied turning away from the pigeons and walking back to the diva.

Rachel rolled her eyes in a typical diva like fashion and said, "So which way is Santana's café?"

Puck laughed.

"What?" The diva asked wondering if she had said something funny.

"Well on that street alone I can see two," Puck said pointing to somewhere behind the diva's head.

Rachel seemed confused so the mohawked boy elaborated.

"She owns a chain of her own cafes, we just need to find the one she works in," Puck shrugged.

"Great, how do we do that?" Rachel asked already feeling as if the journey had been a waste.

"We go into the nearest one and demand answers," Puck laughed, "Come on."

Rachel grabbed the boys arm and ran across the road hoping that one, Puck wouldn't be too hard on the employees and two, hoped that they would be given the directions to the café the latina worked in. Although Rachel hated to admit it, she really did hope they found Santana, because well, she really was her best and final bet.

* * *

><p>Rachel stared at the latina who had continued cleaning the same spot since they'd arrived. Puck had explained the previous events over the last three years whilst Santana hummed and nodded in response never once looking up. Rachel was convinced that ten years, let alone three, still wouldn't have been long enough in Santana's books to see anybody, especially herself, from the Glee club again.<p>

So when Santana finally lifted her gaze from the counter and her cleaning slowed and finally came to a stop, Rachel gulped and knew not to talk unless spoken to.

"Snow White isn't back for her dwarf yet then," Santana deadpanned, a blank expression etched on her face.

Rachel frowned at first but then her brows knitted together in an act of confusion until it finally dawned on her what Santana had actually said. Puck must have noticed too because when they turned to look at each other their faces sported the same look and their minds obviously sported the same thought: it wasn't _just _Rachel and Puck that had been locked out of the blonde's life for the past three years.

"What?" Santana asked, frustrated with the silence.

Rachel's mouth opened but she didn't know what to say. She didn't want to be the person to deliver the news that Santana's best friend was back after three years yet she hadn't even been told and Rachel was pretty sure that Santana didn't want her to be the one to deliver it.

Puck had been watching the diva and when he saw that she was struggling, he stepped in.

"Actually, Quinn is back and that's the problem."

If Santana had been affected by this piece of information, she definitely didn't show it, at least not in facial expressions or body language.

"What does that have to do with me?" Santana asked bluntly.

Rachel didn't answer straight away, instead she was concentrating on the fact that she was convinced she'd heard the latina's voice break mid sentence. She hadn't known. She didn't know that her best friend was back. By the sounds of it she didn't even know that Quinn was safe, Rachel thought to herself.

"Come on, I don't have all day, the customers don't serve themselves," Santana motioned to a small queue that had formed behind them.

"Oh sorry," Rachel mumbled stepping out the way and dragging Puck with her.

Santana looked up the clock behind her and said, "My shift should finish in five minutes or so, so if this is _that_ important you can wait in the office and I'll be with you as soon as I can."

Rachel went to thank the latina, but she had already been beaten to it.

"Don't thank me, I'm not doing this for you," and with that Santana turned away from the pair, pointed to the door to the right of her and took the first customers order.

* * *

><p>"Holy shit," Puck muttered to himself, "She didn't know Quinn was back."<p>

"I know," was all Rachel managed to force out.

Rachel had not been the only one kept in the dark for three years and suddenly there was someone she could talk to, someone who could understand exactly how she felt but this was the same person who had hated her through the majority of high school.

This isn't going to be anywhere near easy, Rachel thought to herself and although she wasn't all that happy to be here, Puck had been right, Santana was the only person who knew Quinn like the back of her hand.

Puck twiddled his thumbs together.

"What do you think she meant by Snow White isn't back for her dwarf yet then?" Puck asked turning to Rachel.

Rachel opened her mouth to talk, but the door of the office flung open and she was stopped in her tracks by the entrance of the fiery latina.

* * *

><p><strong>Let's see if we can make it too 100 reviews! What did you think of the chapter? What did you think of the characters? I have taken all of your proposals for Santana's character into account and I cannot wait to share the next chapter with you!<strong>

****_Just to let you know the next update may take longer than a week due to upcoming exams, unfortunately they take priority over writing. D:  
><em>****

_**Next chapter: Will Santana actually help Rachel? Will Rachel go through with meeting Quinn again and will Santana agree to meet Quinn after three years?**_

**What do you think should happen?**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Glee or any of the characters unfortunately. **

**_Important: Sorry I'm reposting this, no changes, my account isn't working properly and isn't uploading accordingly, I'm hoping uploading this chapter again will help. Sorry for any inconvinience._  
><strong>

**Longest chapter so far and I do apologise for that. The story has been a little bit slow so far but after this chapter everything will pick up in speed.**

**Enjoy**!

* * *

><p><strong>When I Deserve You<strong>

Chapter Ten

"Don't talk unless its relevant to the situation, this is my break and I don't want to spend it trying to shut you up," Santana demanded leaning against the door that she'd just closed behind herself.

Puck and Rachel gulped.

"I…" Rachel tried, but the presence of the latina in such an angry state threw the diva's word off of course.

"Spit it out," Santana seethed.

"I want talk Quinn," Rachel blurted out.

Both Puck and Santana raised their eyebrows and stared at the brunette who was sinking lower and lower into the couch. A crimson tinge coated her cheeks and she could already tell that today was not going to be a good day.

"I don't speak hobbit so try again."

"Hey, be nice," Puck butted in giving the latina an icy glare getting slightly fed up of how she was treating Rachel.

"I want to talk to Quinn, but after three years, well, I don't know how."

Santana's heart thumped against her chest every time the blondes name was mentioned. A wave of both anger and relief flowed through the latina's body. She was so happy that at long last it had been confirmed that Quinn was actually safe and alive but she was infuriated by the fact that Rachel Berry had found out this information before her.

Puck shuffled a little in his seat not knowing whether to break the tension in the room or whether to leave the diva and the latina to their staring contest.

"You know Q, she's a straight to the point kind of girl. Yeah she pretends to be interested in what you're doing but most of the time she isn't. She's blunt, incredibly stubborn," Santana paused and her face lit up as an unexpected smile crept across her lips, "but she has a heart of gold."

Rachel smiled at the seemingly obvious mood change in Santana. Sometimes she could be scary, but sometimes she was the only person that could truly be honest even if the truth hurt.

Santana realised she was smiling at the brunette so quickly stopped.

"I don't know why you're asking me anyway," Santana scoffed looking at the floor fiddling with the hem of her jet black apron.

"Cause Rachel has been really bummed out since she left and now that she's back she doesn't know what to say to her. We thought you could help because you are brutally honest and although you don't see eye to eye with Rachel you are literally the only hope the pair of us had. No one knows her better than you." Puck piped up from where he was slouched on the couch.

"Takes a bitch to know a bitch," Santana deadpanned.

"Santana," Rachel exclaimed but Santana just shrugged in response.

Tension filled the air once more as silence engulfed the trio. Santana kept her eye line directed at the floor whilst the pair sitting on the couch exchanged anxious glances. Nobody wanted to talk, but someone had to.

"Would it be okay if I went and brought Noah and myself a coffee?" Rachel stumbled upon her words and was shocked when instead of being insulted an endearing tone greeted her ears.

"Yeah sure, it's on the house. Tell Joel to put it on my tab."

Rachel's brow knitted together.

"Joel?" She asked.

"He's the waiter that will serve you," Santana said as she rolled her eyes at the diva's idiocy.

"Oh right," Rachel blushed before getting up and leaving the room, carefully closing the door behind her, making sure the pair left in their had the utmost privacy.

"So," Puck said not knowing what to talk about.

Without responding the latina slumped on the couch next to Puck, leaning her head on his chest.

"Bad day, huh," Puck said as he wrapped his arms around the slim body of Santana.

"Something like that," she replied mumbling into his chest.

Puck didn't have much time with Santana without Rachel being in the room. She could be back any minute, but it depended on how long the queue was and how efficient and competent Joel was at making coffees.

As if reading Puck's mind Santana spoke, "She'll be ten minutes or so, we're usually busiest around this time of day."

Puck smiled but he couldn't ignore the elephant in the room.

"What did you mean by _Snow White isn't back for her dwarf yet?"_ Puck asked fearlessly not caring if the latina kicked off or not.

Santana sighed and didn't reply. It was embarrassing to admit that she hadn't seen her best friend in three years and even more embarrassing that she hadn't even known if she was safe or not. What's more Santana was still fuming over the fact that Rachel was the first to know that Quinn was back.

"You haven't seen her have you," Puck stated as he already knew the answer.

Santana still didn't answer but she knew Puck wasn't stupid.

"Not in three years?" Puck asked this time, not knowing the full extent of the situation.

Tears threatened to fall from the latina's eyes.

"No," she choked out as a single tear slid down her cheek and landed on Puck's shirt leaving a wet stain.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into Santana's ear before tightening his grip around her and kissing her temple.

"Can I…Can I have her number please?" Santana asked tentatively before sitting up and wiping her eyes with her apron.

"Of course," Puck replied taking his phone out of his jeans pocket.

Santana rose from the couch, walked over to a table in the corner of the room and picked up a pen and pad of paper. Puck called the eleven digits out across the room and Santana laughed.

"What?" Puck asked confused.

"She hasn't changed her number," Santana chuckled once more.

"Why is that funny?"

"Because she left not wanting contact with anybody, but she's clever. Oh my god she's a sneaky bitch, how come none of us saw this before? Quinn didn't leave, not properly, not really anyway. She was never going to contact us, but if we tried, we would have always been able to contact her. She was testing us Puck."

Realisation suddenly struck Puck as well. He felt stupid that he hadn't recognised the number but then a pang of guilt washed over him.

"I always told Rachel to never try her number to save her more disappointment. What if Quinn was testing her? What if Quinn was just waiting for that phone call to see how badly Rachel really wanted her?" Puck said upset lacing his voice.

Santana moved over to Puck again slipping the piece of paper into her pocket.

"It wasn't just Rachel though," Santana started guiltily, "It was me too. I didn't know that she wasn't going to contact _anybody_ when she left; I just assumed she meant Rachel. Crap, we were so stupid."

"Don't blame yourself," Puck smiled nudging the latina in the arm.

Santana's mood quickly changed which took Puck a little taken aback.

"Oh don't you worry I won't blame myself. I'll blame Quinn. She left without a word, like holy crap Puck, she wasn't even sure how she felt about Rachel until the night she spoke to you yet she let Rachel know that she wasn't going to contact anyone."

"Are you jealous?" Puck asked bluntly.

"I'm not jealous, I'm just frustrated. We went through everything together, I even offered to tell Rachel everything myself despite not getting on with her that well."

"Then why didn't you? Tell her I mean?"

Puck's frown had become deeper and deeper the longer the latina spoke. He wasn't annoyed at her, the situation just seemed a lot more complicated than what had originally been explained to him.

Before he let Santana speak, he himself, spoke again, "If you were meant to tell her then surely you would have known she was going, right?"

"All I was asked was if I was free to take Rachel to the hilltop looking over Lima? I said _yes, but I don't think Rachel would trust me if I took her on a walk through the woods to take her to the top of a steep hill._ And Quinn said I was right and that Rachel probably would have assumed that I'd be assassinating her."

Puck laughed heartily whilst Santana continued speaking, "Before I could say anything else she'd kissed me on the cheek, said _thank-you _and was already walking away. I tried calling her back but she just said that she'd ask you instead. I assumed she wanted as few people knowing as possible."

Puck nodded reassuringly.

"I missed you," Santana said.

"I missed you too," Puck replied pulling the latina into a back breaking hug.

The door creaked as Rachel entered the room again and Puck and Santana pulled away from one another.

"Don't stop on my account, I'm all for bonding and what have you," Rachel said beaming before walking over to the table that Santana had previously been standing at and placing the take-away cups of coffee on them.

"I just got you your usual order Noah, I hope that's okay."

"That's fine. Thanks by the way Satan," Puck winked at the latina.

Santana just smiled before jumping to her feet.

"Right, talking to Quinn. Um, the best thing you can do is be as honest as you can, because she'll see right through any lies and that'll just hurt her. If conversation becomes low start on a casual topic that you can both relate to like soccer or football or something. Lastly, don't berate her, she'll just get agitated, you don't want an angry Fabray and let her explain herself. Whatever she wants to say or explain, let her take her time and if she's brief then leave it at that, if she wants to talk about it, she'll open up later. If you try to prise her open she'll only revert deeper within herself, okay?"

"Got it," Rachel said smiling at the latina.

Rachel moved in to hug Santana but the latina took a massive step backwards.

"I don't think we are that well acquainted yet," Santana said holding her hands out as if Rachel was about to jump her.

The diva shuffled her feet. "Sorry I just thought – since what's happened – I – don't worry, forget I said anything," Rachel finished with a smile on her face.

Puck's head shot from Santana to Rachel and began waving his arms in the air and making throat cutting motions.

Rachel knew what she'd said was over stepping the mark but she couldn't tell if Puck was trying to tell her that she's dead or simply to shut up. Not wanting to take the chance on either option Rachel took a step forward towards the door.

"No no, you aren't getting out of this that easily. What do you mean _since what's happened._ What's happened Rachel?" Santana asked, malice thriving in her voice, already knowing _exactly_ what Rachel meant.

Rachel held the latina's gaze and silently wished that the open door was just two steps closer so she could make her escape. But when Rachel didn't answer, Santana took over once more.

"Were you hovering outside the door?" Santana asked deciding to play with the diva a little while longer.

Silence.

"Okay, stupid question. I _know_ you were standing outside the door."

Rachel glanced at Puck and saw the disappointed look on his face hence jumped quickly to her own defence, "I was just bringing the coffees back and I heard you talking. It would have been rude to interrupt…"

"And eavesdropping isn't," Santana almost laughed as she cut across Rachel.

"Okay, look, I'm sorry. Neither of us have seen Quinn in three years and I'm sure you don't know any more of what to say to her than I do, whether you want to accept that or not is your own choice. I thought I could help you," Rachel's voice softened, she almost sounded dejected, "and I thought you could help me."

The latina jumped forward a step her startling both the mohawked boy and the tiny diva who was still standing in front of her. Puck sprung to his feet, worried that Santana may actually hit Rachel but luckily Rachel dived out of the way and headed for the door.

"Well you thought wrong. Who the hell are you to come in here – come in to my work place and lecture me on something that I was talking about _in private_? You aren't anybody Rachel, not to me and not to Quinn, otherwise she wouldn't have been gone so long. If you heard the part where I blamed Quinn, I've changed my mind, I blame you."

A single tear slid down Rachel's cheek. Frustration bubbled within her and she wanted nothing more but to leap forwards and wipe the smirk off of Santana's face, but she knew it wouldn't help matters. Santana was angry, just like she had been when she found out Quinn was back and just like Rachel, she was saying things out of anger that she didn't really mean. At least she hoped she didn't.

"You're angry and that's understandable but you _know_ Quinn wasn't away because of me. She was away because of everybody, herself included," Rachel said through gritted teeth.

Santana completely blanked the diva's words and said, "I have five minutes of my break left. I'm going to get a coffee then come back her for a minute of peace, you better be gone by the time I get back or..."

"I'll ends you. Yeah I got it," Rachel interrupted before walking through the open door in front of her.

Puck took Rachel's departure as a cue to follow suit but just as he reached the door he was met by the diva again storming back into the room.

Oh shit, this can't be good, Puck thought to himself.

"You know, all I wanted to do was help you, that was all I ever wanted to do, but clearly you are incapable of caring for anybody but your ego. We're not in High School anymore; nobody is going to slushie you if you talk to me. I thought you'd have grown up by now but clearly three years wasn't long enough. You need someone to talk to - to help you but your too afraid to admit it because you're too afraid of somebody doing to you what Quinn has already done. When you want to talk I wouldn't guarantee I'll still be waiting."

And with that Rachel pushed past the fuming latina and back out of the door. Puck followed quickly in Rachel's wake sending a brief, sympathetic smile in the latina's direction. She knew Rachel was right, she knew she was afraid of being left again. Reaching into her pocket Santana knew there was only one thing she could do to try and make this all right again. She pulled out the piece of paper; her phone included, unfolded it and began to dial.

* * *

><p>"She didn't mean it you know," Puck said trying to reassure the diva.<p>

Rachel pondered for a minute before saying, "I know. She needs to grow up though because something tells me that she isn't going to listen to anything Quinn wants to say."

"That's how Santana deals with things though. Takes the bull by the horns and deals with it how she wants to and not how anyone else wants to," Puck replied taking another mouthful of his ice-cream, dripping it on his shirt.

Rachel winced.

"Really? How old are you Puck? And seriously it's not even spring yet, why do you need ice-cream?" Rachel asked exasperated.

"The opportunity arose," Puck laughed.

Rachel briefly lost her train of thought after having being totally distracted by Puck's childish tendencies before remembering their topic. Santana.

"As I was saying," Rachel continued, "I agree that everybody deals with things differently but Quinn still deserves a chance to explain."

Puck stopped eating his ice cream for a minute. One thing he couldn't ever fathom about the diva was her frequently changing opinions. For almost a year Rachel wouldn't even say Quinn's name. Every time he hummed the tune of "yellow" she'd get mad and ask if he was trying to spite her. Now suddenly Santana almost shouts from the rooftops that she is completely pissed at Quinn for leaving, Rachel jumps to Quinn's defence.

"If Quinn deserves a chance to explain why haven't you let her?" Puck finally asked.

Honestly, Rachel thought to herself, because she was scared of the answer. She was scared of finding out that she was going to be rejected again. That feeling had gone on long enough though. She couldn't live a scared and sheltered life forever and for that reason alone Rachel needed to man up and hear the truth.

"I don't have a reason or an excuse. They say that the truth always hurts I wasn't sure if I was ready for the truth. But Quinn is back. It's the here and the now that counts and neither of us have forever to wait around. Whether it hurts or not, I need – deserve the truth and Quinn deserves an explanation."

Puck finished his ice cream before talking. He was proud of the diva. In a way he looked up to her, metaphorically of course because she was shorter than him. He admired her courage and how that she'd always go into a situation all guns blazing. She'd matured since High School. She held herself higher than she used to and it was the least she deserved to be treated in the way that all humans should be treated – with respect.

"I'll find out Quinn's address and drop you off Saturday morning then," Puck stated expecting a refusal but when none came he smirked.

Rachel blushed at Puck's smirk.

"Someone's got it bad," Puck said in a sing-song voice before wrapping his arm around the diva's shoulder and heading towards the subway.

* * *

><p>Santana neared the door with her hand raised ready to knock. She couldn't quite believe she was there. She wanted so much so run, run like Quinn had, not wanting to here the pain that the blonde had endured in her three years of absence. But like any friend, she had to endure the painful memories, she needed Quinn and she was sure as hell that Quinn needed her.<p>

Her hand still hovered an inch from the door. There was still a chance for Santana to leave. Quinn would never know. Quinn would never know Santana had been there and left. But what if she had known? How would she feel? Broken maybe, Santana thought to herself. In her head Santana reversed the roles. How would she feel if she knew Quinn turned up to the door after a long period of time and then left before even saying hello?

She'd feel abandoned. She'd feel annoyed. She'd wonder what she'd done wrong.

After a few more seconds of contemplation Santana knocked three times.

A signature knock.

The knock Quinn would always use on Santana's bedroom door, the knock Quinn would use on the janitor's closet door if Sue was on the war path and the knock that Santana would use when she went to Quinn's house in need of comfort.

As Santana waited for a response to her knock she began to think about the past three years. So much had happened not just for herself but obviously for Quinn was well. She'd text Quinn as soon as her shift finished the day that Puck and Rachel had visited her. The latina would have rung but she was convinced that she wouldn't be able to hold a conversation with the blonde.

Texts were safer.

Quinn had text Santana the address of her apartment along with a message saying to drop around whenever. Santana assumed from this information that Quinn wasn't working or maybe she worked nightshifts, the brunette wondered as she hopped from foot to foot still waiting for the door to be answered.

After what felt like an age Santana heard the sound of someone fiddling around with a lock. The lock fiddling sound lasted longer than what seemed necessary but when it stopped Santana braced herself and held her breathe.

She didn't know what to expect. How could anyone?

The door opened to reveal a very tired and dishevelled looking blonde. Quinn's hair was sticking out at an array of different angles and the dark circles under her eyes indicated to the latina that she had probably being trying to sleep until the door knocked.

Quinn rubbed her eyes before squinting as if trying to focus on whoever was at the door.

"If it's a bad time I'll go," Santana said as she motioned towards the elevator.

The voice of the latina must have switched something on in the back of Quinn's head because she was suddenly standing slightly taller and her squinting had quickly subsided.

"Don't," Quinn replied maybe a little too quickly.

Santana nodded. Not knowing what to say was unfamiliar territory to the latina. She was always so used to taking control of a situation because people were intimidated by her or at least they were in high school. Rocking from ball to heel of her feet Santana began to wonder when everything had changed so dramatically. She could still control a situation just by an icy glare but when she was with Quinn, that feeling seemed to nose dive out of a window. She felt as if Quinn deserved to be in control this time but another part of Santana tugged at an urge to start yelling not even giving the blonde a chance to explain herself.

"Sorry I took a while to answer the door you think I'd have got used to the lock by now," Quinn half heartedly smiled as if trying to break the tension.

"Evidently not," Santana deadpanned instantly feeling guilty for the harsh overtone she put on her words.

"Come in," Quinn said as she walked back into her apartment. Santana reluctantly followed.

"Drink?" Quinn asked as she walked over to the kitchen.

"Beer," Santana stated knowing she was already pushing her luck.

"Its 2pm are you sure?" Quinn asked hesitantly not wanting to cause an argument.

"It's past midday," Santana deadpanned stretching her arm out to take the bottle from Quinn.

"I suppose asking if you want a glass is pointless," Quinn said as she closed the fridge sending a small smile in the latina's direction.

Santana smirked, "Completely pointless."

The two girls collapsed on the couch next to one another as if no time had passed at all. Quinn's thoughts ran riot in her mind. She didn't know what to say or to ask without feeling like she was prying. She wanted the latina to open up to her but at the same time she didn't want to over step the mark. It had been three years after all.

Luckily Quinn's mind was put at rest when Santana started talking about the serious stuff.

"You look like shit Q," Santana said bluntly before draining the dregs of the beer and putting the empty bottle on the wooden coffee table.

"You don't beat around the bush do you," Quinn laughed.

"Just saying it like it is," Santana smiled back.

Quinn liked the fact that Santana was still herself around her. Time had passed, she was aware of that, but she couldn't face the idea of coming back and being turned away by the people she loved. It had been a gamble of course but she owed everybody, especially Rachel an explanation.

"Lack of sleep nothing sinister," Quinn said in response to Santana's unspoken question.

Santana nodded.

"How's things?" Quinn asked being deliberately vague.

"I've been running a chain of coffee shops for three years with no problems and then one day short stack turned up, so until then, pretty good," Santana said trying not to smile at Quinn's obvious frown when Santana had called Rachel _short stack_.

"I would have thought you'd have grown out of those names by now," Quinn frowned.

"I gots to keep it real," Santana smirked.

"And you aren't from the ghetto Santana, you never were and never will be," Quinn deadpanned.

"Of course I'm not from the ghetto dumb ass; I'm from Lima Heights Adjacent."

Santana stared at Quinn from across the couch. Their faces stayed straight and emotionless for all of two seconds before the pair burst into laughter.

At last the tension was completely broken between the pair and conversation took over. They talked about various jobs one another had undertaken in aid of money and the different people they have met. Quinn asked about Brittany but Santana quickly changed the subject to when they were in the high school Glee Club together.

"Do you remember the time I made the voodoo doll of Rachel?" Santana laughed.

Quinn's brow knitted together but she joined in laughing all the same, "Yeah I remember."

Silence engulfed the blonde and the brunette. It seemed comfortable at first but as more time passed the tension began to fill the air again.

"She's hurt you know, I was too," Santana said refusing to look in the blonde's direction.

"Rachel," Quinn almost whispered.

"Yes Rachel."

"How was she?" Quinn asked curious of the diva's mindset.

"Annoying as ever, if not more so really," Santana replied meeting the blondes gaze.

"Santana," Quinn scolded.

"What? She is," Santana protested.

"Okay, well annoying or not, how is she, in herself I mean, not your opinion of her?" Quinn asked again determined to get an answer.

Santana shifted in her seat, guilt washed over her. "She was okay."

Quinn picked up on Santana's use of the past tense, "What do you mean by _was_?"

Santana dropped her gaze again. "Well she came to me asking for help, although I'm almost certain Puck had to drag her there because she didn't seem impressed to see me. Anyway, then I may have yelled a bit and…" but Santana's voice died off.

"Why did she need help?" Quinn asked.

Santana felt guilty for yelling at Rachel and she didn't want to ruin any chance Rachel may have of actually talking to Quinn by telling the blonde why Rachel had asked for help. It was a risky shot but if she was honest, Santana deserved to be blamed especially if Quinn knew how badly she'd treated Rachel.

Rachel had been right, she needed someone to talk to and although the thought of talking to someone who came up to the height of her knee cap didn't thrill her, it was the only chance she had.

"I blamed Rachel for you leaving," Santana stated.

Quinn did a double take.

"You did what sorry?"

"I b-l-a-m-e-d Rachel for you l-e-a-v-i-n-g," Santana spelled out trying to be as patronising as possible as to lure Quinn away from the topic of why Rachel needed her help.

Quinn jumped to her feet, "Why the hell did you do that?"

Santana shrugged, "I was pissed at her."

"What the hell could Rachel have done that's so bad that you had to blame her for something that was beyond her control?" Quinn demanded pacing up and down shaking with rage.

"She told me a few home truths that I wasn't ready to hear."

"That's it?" Quinn bellowed.

"Yes. Now, however, I realise I was wrong," Santana replied standing up blocking the blonde's path of pacing.

"Oh great, you realise you're wrong, it's all forgotten," Quinn almost laughed throwing her hands in the air. "You really don't understand how fragile people are sometimes do you Santana."

Quinn turned to face the latina. There was just a foot of space between them. All Santana wanted to do was pull Quinn into a hug and tell her that everything was going to be okay. But this time, maybe it wasn't going to be okay. Quinn had to learn to deal with that fact. Of course she'd help her, but there was only so much the latina could do.

"No you're right maybe I don't have a clue about other people. Maybe I don't understand other people's feelings. But at least I try to."

"What's that supposed to mean," Quinn asked her tone deflating into something that sounded a little bit like hurt.

"Let's just say if I was going for a while I'd at least give my best friend the heads up."

"Santana, I'm sorry. I can explain…" Quinn spoke at a level just above an audible whisper but was interrupted by the latina before she could finish.

"I don't want to know. You did what you had to do and now you're back. So welcome to the real world again and make damn sure leaving in the first place was worthwhile, because if it wasn't, you've lost three years of your life plus a friend who could have been so much more; and I can't help but think that would be a waste." Santana's voice was low and calm.

She wasn't shouting. She wasn't annoyed. She was talking coherent sense in hope that it would give Quinn the boost she needed to be honest and open up to Rachel. No, Rachel wasn't Santana's friend of the year but out of everybody that Quinn left behind, the brunette was the one that deserved the explanation the most.

"Do I still have a chance?" Quinn asked, her voice trembling.

"A chance to explain? Yes. Anything more, I can't tell you that," the latina paused and took a breath before continuing, "You've gone about this badly Quinn, even an outsider could see that. Only you can sort it out."

"Then let me explain," Quinn urged running a hand through her messy, dirty blonde hair. Tears threatened to fall but Quinn knew that now wasn't the time to let over power her.

"I don't think I can cope with why you left right now and to be honest it doesn't matter anyway because Rachel is the one who _needs_ to know."

Santana took a step forward and Quinn knew to move out of the way. She took another step forward but this time turned to Quinn.

"Can I?" Santana asked holding her arms out.

Quinn didn't even utter an answer before Santana's long tanned arms were wrapped around her neck. She could smell Santana's familiar perfume. There were still some things that hadn't changed, Quinn thought to herself. She had to sort this out, and the longer she left it, the harder it would be.

Santana pulled out of the hug with a smile on her face and placed a feather light kiss on Quinn's temple.

"You're a fighter Q, you can do this. Rachel will understand and if she doesn't well…"

But Quinn finished the sentence for the latina, "you'll go all lima heights on her ass."

Santana chuckled, "What is it with people finishing my sentences lately?"

Quinn looked confused but Santana just shook her head so Quinn let it go.

Santana walked over to the door and opened it without a single problem.

"You'll get the hang of it one day," Santana smiled before stepping over the threshold.

"I don't have a choice, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon," the blonde beamed.

"Sort your shit out Fabray," Santana sniggered before throwing Quinn an envelope. "Open it," Santana motioned.

Quinn ripped the envelope open. Within it was a slip of paper with the latina's address and number on and a key.

"If you need me and well you know," Santana said blushing.

"You've gone soft," Quinn smiled, "Thanks though."

"This doesn't mean I'm taking sides. I'm just the middle man okay. So if you and Berry start trying to play me against one another of you, I'll kick both your asses got it?"

"Yes captain," Quinn said as she saluted the latina.

Santana turned to walk away but Quinn called her back, "And Brittany?"

Santana's voice fell, "She's away for a while."

Quinn nodded realising now really wasn't the time or the place to be talking about this. She closed the door and allowed the latina to make the walk to the elevator alone.

* * *

><p>Saturday morning quickly came around and Puck noticed the change in the diva's behaviour. She wasn't as talkative as she usually was and she didn't even complain when Puck once again drank straight from the carton.<p>

"You ready?" He called through the apartment.

"Ready," Rachel yelled back.

Puck was a little taken aback by the diva's sudden behavioural change, but then again he'd put up with the diva's hormones and mood swings for the last three years so if anything he should be used to it by now.

The ride to Quinn's apartment was silent. Puck pulled up to the sidewalk and waited for Rachel to talk but when she didn't he knew he'd have to.

"I can come up with you," Puck volunteered.

"No," Rachel hastily replied, "Sorry, I just need to do this alone.

Puck nodded completely understanding Rachel's decision.

"It'll be fine," Puck tried to reassure the brunette.

"I know."

"Don't listen to Santana, it wasn't your fault."

"I know."

"I'm the best," Puck smiled deciding to play with Rachel's brief, non-engaging answers.

"I kn – hey wait, nice try Puckerman but no chance," Rachel laughed.

"At least you smiled," Puck smiled back.

"What if I don't know what to say?" Rachel asked suddenly weary of what she was about to do.

"She has three years of explaining to do and so do you, conversation won't _ever_ be far away," Puck responded trying to suppress a smirk.

"What!" Rachel demanded when she noticed Puck's face.

"You still want to impress her don't you?" Puck asked a smirk still plastered across his face.

"I don't think that question requires an answer," Rachel laughed before opening the door and jumping onto the sidewalk. "I'll text you when I need a lift back okay?"

"Sure thing, I have a meeting with a teacher later so you may have to hang around a while or go to a café or something."

"It's Saturday, you don't have meetings on Saturdays."

Puck didn't reply for a few seconds and watched the cogs whir in Rachel's brain until realisation dawned on her.

Her mouth made a rather large 'O' shape before she winked, closing the door behind her.

With the use of the elevator it only took two minutes to get from the sidewalk to Quinn's apartment door. Rachel took in a few deep breaths.

She knew she had to see Quinn. She _wanted_ to see Quinn.

Rachel lifted her hand to knock but before she could go any further the door swung open and a whirlwind of blonde and brunette collided with one another.

* * *

><p><strong>What did you think of Santana and Quinn in this chapter? <strong>

**Santana and Brittany's relationship won't be a massive part of this story but it will be mentioned every now and then.**

**What do you think will happen between Rachel and Quinn? People don't like quick fix stories so what kind of drama would you like to see between any of the characters? **

**Let me know! Once again thank-you for the support you have given this story, it means a lot! (:**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Glee or any of the characters unfortunately.**

**It's been two weeks and I apologise but I really wanted to get this chapter right so I hope it has been worth the wait. **

**Hopefully this should answer everybody's questions about Quinn, her feelings, where she has been and why she left in the first place. I really hope I did the situation justice.**

**Enjoy!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>When I Deserve You<br>**

Chapter Eleven

A frenzy of arm flailing, and body's colliding had left Rachel in a complete daze. She couldn't tell if she was coming or going, let alone figure out why she hadn't high-fived the floor with her face. It took the brunette almost an entire minute _just_ to try and figure out why she could feel a strip of warmth wrapped around her waist. Confusion slowly ebbed away until suddenly everything came flooding back to her.

Quinn had broken her fall. But did she really need to pull her close. _That_ close?

She took a deep breath. Her mind whirred as she tried to gather her thoughts together not having realised just how close Quinn had managed to pull her to herself. Having her fall broken by Quinn's arm wrapped around her waist was one thing, but having the ridge of her nose tickled by the blonde's steady and warm exhalations was something so far beyond comprehension the brunette was convinced she'd need a telescope to see it.

Two inches separated the pair's eyes and an even smaller gap between the pair's lips. Rachel wracked her brain trying to think of anything but the distance between herself and Quinn. In three years of attending the same school, two years of feelings towards the blonde and at least a week and a half of Quinn knowing about the brunettes feelings had never once brought them this close; yet three weeks acknowledging each other's presence in the same over-sized city and they were just inches from each other's lips.

Rachel dragged herself from the thoughts and then quickly from Quinn's arms. She didn't want to look Quinn in the eyes, she didn't feel like she could. Wait, had her eyes been closed just ten seconds previously? Rachel wondered to herself. Oh god, what if they had? What if Quinn thinks that Rachel was trying to jump her? No, pull yourself together Berry.

Coughing mainly for effect rather than actually needing to, Rachel spoke, "I was just…" but she paused.

Good question. Very good question.

What was Rachel _just_ doing? Why else would she possibly in Quinn's apartment block if she wasn't there to see Quinn?

Thankfully Quinn didn't seem to notice, or if she did, pretended otherwise.

"I was just going out to…"

But before Quinn could finish her sentence Rachel had already bounded straight in. "Of course you were, why else would you be leaving your apartment? In fact I was just departing so I'll let you finish whatever I'm preventing from letting you start."

Quinn chuckled and a pink tinge crawled painfully slowly up Rachel's face.

She thought of Puck who was more than likely in a little, cosy café tucked away from the heart of the city enjoying a warm beverage with the woman he liked and it reminded her of what she wished she could be doing. She wished it was her and Quinn sharing a coffee whilst they talked about everything and nothing, arguing about whom would pay and laughing at the waiter whose name badge was pinned upside down.

Her heart plummeted. How could she do everything so wrong when Puck had to do so little to get it right?

This time it was Quinn's turn to cough. "Actually, I was only going out to get groceries and I can do that at anytime so you can come in," Quinn finished but quickly added, "Only if you want to that is."

Rachel scoffed and swiftly recovered her typically sceptical outlook on Quinn's eating habits, "You aren't in Cheerio's anymore Quinn and that means that you can actually eat food that isn't purified or made up of 95% water and I'm pretty certain that unless Coach Sylvester followed you to New York and is camping out under your bed that you aren't going to get yelled at through a megaphone for actually consuming something other than sand or whatever equivalent it may have been."

Quinn's brow heightened and a smirk emerged. In a very matter of fact tone she said, "Actually Coach is my roommate she moved up yesterday, that's why I need to get groceries."

Rachel's jaw hit the floor and she began suddenly aware of her surroundings. No window to jump through. Damn. She looked over her shoulder and her eyes widened. Stairs to be thrown down. Damn. Panic overtook the small frame of the diva and as she turned back around she started to look over Quinn's shoulder rather than directly at her face, deliberately avoiding eye contact of course.

The sound of laughter erupted from the blonde and realisation dawned on Rachel. Quinn had been joking.

"Ha-ha, very funny," Rachel deadpanned.

"Sorry, but your face," Quinn gripped at her sides trying to steady herself from laughing, "Priceless," she finished. After controlling her breathing Quinn spoke again, "Just to set the record straight the only thing that's living under my bed is the mould from unwashed socks and the closest I've come to eating sand since high school has been the crushed up almost fine powder Lucky Charms from the bottom of a cereal packet."

Rachel winced and almost gagged from imagining the state of the underside of Quinn's bed but the blonde just continued to smile. She turned around and fumbled with the lock.

"A-ha, knew I'd get the in the end," Quinn mumbled to herself.

Rachel looked confused so when the blonde beckoned the brunette inside and noticed her expression she simply said, "Santana thinks I'm lock incompetent."

Rachel had no idea what Quinn was on about so nodded politely and focussed on ignoring the fact that the latina had been and probably spoken to Quinn properly before her because she knew that Quinn was free to do whatever she wanted, talk to whoever she wanted, and dare she say it, _please_ whoever she wanted.

* * *

><p>"What about your groceries?" Rachel asked whilst she watched Quinn throw her bag onto the island in the kitchen.<p>

"I'll manage," Quinn smiled.

"On what if you have no food?" Rachel acknowledged sceptically.

"I've got bacon and lucky charms," Quinn stated.

Rachel looked exasperated. "You have got to be kidding me right," as the million and one health problems that Quinn would probably suffer from later in life zoomed through the brunettes mind at a mind-blowingly fast pace.

Quinn shrugged, "My groceries consist of buying milk to _pour_ on Lucky Charms and food to eat _with _bacon."

Rachel's mouth opened and closed aimlessly as she smacked a palm to her forehead. What the hell was wrong with this girl?

"Have you ever heard of a ridiculously bizarre idea called _good health_?" Rachel emphasised. She knew she was pushing at and she knew she had absolutely no right to lecture the blonde on her eating habits, but she just couldn't help herself. And albeit slowly it was starting to dawn on the brunette how much she still cared for the blonde, despite her absurd eating extremities.

"Of course I have," Quinn replied, "Why do you care anyway?"

Rachel chose to ignore the question, "So what are you going to do with no food in the place?"

"Bacon tastes fine on its own, actually, I think bacon tastes somewhat better on its own, other food lessons the bacon flavour; secondly cereal doesn't necessarily need milk right? I mean vegans must eat dry cereal seeing they can't have milk."

Rachel actually laughed out loud this time and judging by the grin on Quinn's face, the last part of what she said had only been a mere wind up.

"I am aware cereal doesn't need milk to be consumed Quinn, I hope you are aware though that vegans eat other food and not just dry cereal."

Quinn feigned a shocked face," Really? Never!"

Rachel giggled. It wasn't awkward like she had expected it to have been especially seeing she'd practically jumped the girl before even managing to knock on the door. The blonde continued to lean against the kitchen island averting her eyes from Rachel. The brunette couldn't work out whether this action was deliberate or not but she decided not to dwell on it because there really wasn't much point. Three years had passed. They hadn't spoken, contacted and this was the first time they had actually smiled at one another without silently believing they'd been plotting one another's murders.

A brief silence fell over the pair. Rachel didn't know what do so just stood awkwardly near the door. She wasn't comfortable with Quinn anymore, or at least not in the sense that she felt as if she could lounge around Quinn's apartment with muddy boots and not be afraid. Her thoughts appeared to have been read by the blonde though because the atmosphere became lighter and the silence was broken.

"I assume you didn't come to here to lecture me on dietary requirements," Quinn smiled, "Because if you did, it's creepy that you know when I go shopping."

Rachel laughed, "Spidey senses were tingling?" she tried.

"You've never seen Spider-Man secondly his senses don't actually tingle," Quinn corrected.

Rachel took a step backwards holding out her hands mockingly, "Sorry I didn't mean to upset Queen of the Nerds and I apologise for any inconvenience I have caused by not actually wasting a few hours of my daily routine to watch a film about a man who was bitten by a spider."

Quinn walked over to the brunette and stood just a metre away from her, "Shh," she whispered looking from side to side as if to make sure nobody was eavesdropping their conversation, "I secretly hoard musicals and horror movies and I have never actually seen Spider-Man either, so that makes two of us."

The brunette's eyes crinkled at the sides and the corners of her mouth rose to the ceiling. A friendly smile, nothing more, nothing less.

"Well I promise I won't tell," Rachel agreed, "however you're right, I didn't come here to stalk you on your grocery shopping I came here to see…" but she couldn't finish the sentence. Quinn did it for her, causing a blush on Rachel's cheeks.

"Me," Quinn helped.

Rachel merely nodded still not making eye contact.

Quinn motioned to the couch before seating herself upon it. Rachel mimicked her action deliberately keeping a distance between them.

Rachel tried to contain herself. She tried to keep the bubble of questions at bay by pushing them as far back into her head as physically possible but as the questions mounted up Rachel couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Did you want us to contact you? I mean, I heard Santana talking to Puck and she reckons you haven't changed your number since High School. Were you testing us?"

Quinn looked a tad confused, not quite sure what the brunette was aiming at she tried to answer as best she could.

"I haven't changed my number and I wasn't testing to see if you would run after me or ignore what Puck told you if that's what you mean?" Quinn queried.

Rachel merely nodded but worry etched her features.

"It wasn't a test of whether your feelings for me were genuine or not," Quinn stated her ears slightly pinker than before.

"Okay," was all Rachel could think to say.

The longer the brunette sat in the blonde's apartment the more prominent the feeling of not wanting to hear Quinn's excuses became. Of course Quinn deserved an explanation, she knew that. Everybody knew that but that didn't mean that Rachel's job of listening to Quinn would be made any easier.

"I'm an open book," Quinn coaxed, "ask away, talk away, what do you want to know?"

"Everything," Rachel blurted out before she could stop herself.

Quinn looked slightly taken aback but then again she should have expected it. "I'll do my best but I don't know what you mean by everything. If I miss something out or you want to stop and ask questions just jump in, okay?"

Rachel nodded mutely.

Quinn swallowed before diving straight in. "All I've ever wanted in life is to be loved."

Rachel snorted and Quinn had barely got going. She hadn't meant to, but seriously, "Sorry," Rachel hurried, "Just, you wanted to be loved and you thought that segregating yourself from everybody that loved you and you loved would help that?"

Quinn's brow knitted together. Ten words in and Rachel was already sceptical, her tone sounded more disheartened than when she originally started but she carried on.

"I wanted _Quinn_ to be loved. When I was Lucy people looked down at me and I couldn't handle that so when I had the chance to change myself, I jumped at it. I wanted to make people feel how I had felt, I wanted to intimidate them and have superiority over them."

"That's why you chose me," Rachel interrupted.

Quinn's lips quirked. "Yes, you were an easy target and when you're young and naïve you live for easy targets. You live for the people that other people don't like; that's how you climb the social pyramid. You take out who the others don't want to see and you're worshipped like a god."

She shuffled nervously and played with the bracelet on her wrist before continuing again. "At Nationals I realised just _how_ much I wanted to be loved for me and nobody else. We were the Glee Club and we loved each other for who we were and not who we were pretending to be. The funny thing was was that everybody else had what I couldn't get. Mike was happy with Tina, you and Finn and I could get anybody to love me because of my stature, not because of who I actually was and that's what I cared about."

Quinn's eyes stung and Rachel could see that the blonde was struggling to choke back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"When I saw you though, all of that changed. Your love and passion for Finn was what I wanted for me. Every time I had been kicked down you'd be there to give me a leg up despite how I treated you and I began to admire that. By the time senior year kicked in though, I hated myself. I came to realise over that summer just how badly I had treated you and if I changed who I was I knew I wouldn't hurt you anymore. My new stature would take me as far away from you as possible."

And that's when Quinn stopped. A solitary tear slid down the pale girl's cheek and she wiped it away with the cuff of her sleeve. Rachel could visibly see the pain that Quinn was dealing with yet she couldn't find it in her to comfort her, let alone forgive her. Her few tears now were nothing in comparison to the river's Rachel had filled with her own.

When Quinn didn't continue Rachel knew she'd have to ask, to persuade her. She couldn't just stop.

"Then what Quinn. What happened?" Rachel whispered in a comforting tone although not changing her bodily features at all.

"And then you didn't give up." Quinn forced out through gritted teeth. "You didn't just let me go my way and you go yours. You followed me and you kept trying to talk to me and convince me that that person with pink hair wasn't who I was. Of course it wasn't who I was. Who was I trying to kid, I mean even my mom managed to suss out that something was going on."

Rachel closed her eyes for a minute and zoned out of the room. Was Quinn blaming her? She needed to know.

"Are you blaming me?" Rachel asked almost exasperated.

"No Rachel I'm not blaming you, I'm just saying it like it is," Quinn said wiping her face with her sleeve once more.

"No Quinn you're blaming me for not leaving you alone. You can't do that, you don't deserve to blame me or anyone for that fact," Rachel seethed.

Quinn swallowed and turned to the brunette, eyes puffy and red.

"You don't have control over me Rachel, I'm trying to explain like you damn well asked me to and now your yelling at me for something you took the wrong way."

"I'm not yelling," Rachel deadpanned.

"Fine, you aren't yelling," Quinn gave in before continuing as not to be interrupted again. "I didn't want to be a project that needed to be fixed. I just wanted to sort my head out, I wanted to reason with myself that the way I had treated you had been for a viable reason. When I couldn't do that I knew I couldn't hide anymore. I changed my appearance back and I came back to Glee Club hoping that I could accept and face up to the devastation I had caused, not only to you but to other people as well."

Something clicked in the back of Rachel's head, she didn't know what it was but she was starting to understand how hard it had been for Quinn.

"But I kept on forgiving you," Rachel mumbled.

Quinn confirmed with a nod. "How was I supposed to accept the bad stuff about myself when all I was told was that it wasn't my fault, that I had stuff going on and that it was natural to feel the way I did."

A burning behind Rachel's eyes told her that it wouldn't be long before the water works kicked in. But she couldn't cry, not now, this wasn't what Quinn needed.

Quinn needed Rachel to listen.

Rachel needed to understand.

"After spending senior year in glee club with everybody I loved I noticed that we'd got closer. Not physically of course, it was more like a mental affliction. We bother caused the other pain without meaning to but we were brought closer by it. You never let anything go and I reverted back to my bitchy façade and so we went round in circles."

Rachel smiled, she was glad that she wasn't going completely insane and Quinn shared the view that they just ran in circles for most of their lives.

"I think I knew I always had feelings for you. I think that's partly why I always wanted to run away, to separate myself from you, because I was scared of what I'd do if we were alone. I was scared of being alone myself, of being intoxicated by my own thoughts that would confirm the fact I'd fallen for a girl. It didn't matter you were a girl at first, I was just intent on burying the feelings that I had. Whenever I genuinely liked anybody, it never ended well and well…you were with Finn and that wasn't ending anytime soon."

Rachel chuckled; she couldn't believe how wrong Quinn could have been.

"When I heard you broke up with Finn I was shocked but terrified, terrified of why, terrified of if it was my fault and that just brought it closer to home that I had feelings that I'd have to start dealing with, that I'd have to hide and keep under wraps. I saw how Santana lost her grandmother through being honest about her sexuality. I had barely anybody to start with so losing them was out of the question."

"And then Puck found out," Rachel smiled. She wasn't sure why she smiled, she probably shouldn't be showing emotion but she couldn't help it. It was odd to think that Puck of all people could suss out Quinn Fabray's love life.

Quinn looked confused so Rachel elaborated, "He told me."

The blonde then smiled and nodded.

"He told you to tell me didn't he," Rachel half asked despite knowing the answer already.

The blonde nodded again, "I refused though obviously. By that time I was already intent on leaving. I wanted to be with you and I wanted to be honest with you, but I couldn't do that. I couldn't drag you into something that I knew I couldn't potentially handle. It wouldn't have been fair. I'd planned to tell you, far off into the future of course when it no longer mattered or maybe when it mattered more than ever but then you told me you liked me," Quinn paused and swallowed, "It flipped my world upside down Rachel."

Rachel had the courage to blush and mumble an apology to which Quinn smiled at. "Don't be sorry, you couldn't help it, just like I couldn't, it was just something I had never expected. I played out every scenario in my head minus that one because I was so fixated around the idea of you never feeling the same and my world – my world crumbling down."

One thing Rachel hadn't expected on encountering was Quinn admitting how much her feelings for Rachel had affected her. She couldn't imagine how she'd cope if she had been in the same predicament as Quinn but with Finn.

"What happened?" Rachel asked curiously.

"I've never been a strong person…" but Rachel interrupted, "Yes you have Quinn."

Quinn put her hand up to stop Rachel, "I've never been a strong person when it came to doing something for me, and I'd give in or take the easy option out…"

"Only this time there wasn't an easy option and giving in wasn't even viable," Rachel finished Quinn's sentence for her blushing afterwards.

"You hit the nail on the head," Quinn chuckled. "God Rachel I wanted to be with you so badly but I knew I had to go and for the first time in my life I had to stand strong, for what I believed in and what nobody else believed. I had to hurt people for the right reasons not the wrong ones. It hurt to know I was going to hurt you, it hurt that I couldn't explain to you why I had to go, why I had to hurt you. It ripped me in half to disappear for an indefinite amount of time without being able to acknowledge your feelings for me, without being able to kiss your tears away and without being able to hold you while you tried to push me away for hurting you one last time. It looked like I'd taken the cowards way out, I knew that, but I just had to hope that one day you'd be in a position, like myself, to listen to what I had to say and understand why I had to do it."

Quinn had spoken a lot and Rachel knew she didn't have a choice but did she really need to explain herself. Couldn't Rachel just forgive her like she had all the other times or is that the point Quinn was trying to make? As much as Rachel thought she was getting closer to understanding she was being drawn further away by the invisible force of a separate entity.

Patience Rachel, Patience.

"Everything started becoming a risk I was willing to take and through that I found the strength to leave as I'd planned. I'd sorted out how much I wanted you to know and I'd sorted out how I was going to do it. Leaving was hard, but the fewer people that knew the easier it would be."

Rachel smiled and felt proud. She felt proud of Quinn for standing up for herself and going after what she wanted even if she disagreed entirely with the way she went about it.

"Why would leaving help sort everything out?" Rachel asked suddenly realising that she still hadn't got a clue.

Quinn smiled at the brunette's impatience, "Just coming to that."

Rachel flushed pink.

"I needed to know and like who I was without anyone, then I could learn how to manage myself when I was with someone. I wanted to be able to love who I was without people telling me why or how to do it. I'd grown up being told I was perfect, I was perfect to my parents when I was Lucy and yet I was prefect to them when I changed my appearance, it morphed my idea of perfection and it made me wonder why they still thought I was perfect because it obviously wasn't physical appearance anymore."

That part on its own made sense, but when put with everything else there was still something missing, something that Quinn had ceased to explain but she couldn't put her finger on what.

"I couldn't live the rest of my life off of other people's opinions. I needed my own," and that's when it clicked for Rachel.

Quinn couldn't comprehend other people's opinions because whatever she did, whether morally right or wrong, she was always told she was good and that it was okay. But it wasn't okay, for Quinn it wasn't good enough anymore. Quinn wanted the life that everybody else had. She wanted to make her own mistakes and learn from them not merely be told by other people what to do and what not to do.

The blonde was so used to being praised for putting other people down; she couldn't actually tell the difference between right and wrong, good or bad.

"I wanted to look in the mirror and be able to understand the person that looked back at me. I wanted to look at the scars of my past and name why I have them and why I did or didn't deserve them. I just wanted to be able to explain everything and be able to accept that if that's how it was then that's how it was. I didn't want people telling me that my mistake was okay, when it wasn't," the blonde paused for breath, all tears had vanished now but what came next cut through Rachel like a knife, and to say she wasn't expecting it, was an understatement.

"You were that mistake Rachel." Quinn said it calmly, no malice or threat behind her voice. No questions that needed answering, nothing out of the ordinary, just a simple meaningful statement in which Quinn _needed _to say in order to try and make Rachel understand.

"Wh…what?" Rachel spluttered.

What the hell was going on, Rachel thought. She'd sat here all this time biting her tongue and just as she'd justified to herself that she was right to not make judgements or comments she felt betrayed.

Quinn's face dropped realising exactly how Rachel had taken it and thus quickly tried to rectify herself, "No, no, no, Rachel, not like that."

Rachel was already on her feet, she couldn't believe she'd sat here and taken all the bullshit excuses Quinn had fed her, believed them just to be spited by realising that Quinn of coursed hadn't changed and she was just going to blame everybody but herself like usually.

"I can't believe I believed you," Rachel shouted, "All the time I've sat here you'd almost convinced me you'd changed and then you opened your mouth and then came back Quinn Bitch Fabray with blaming everybody but herself."

Quinn's face was frantic, she too was now on her feet walking over to the brunette trying to calm her down.

"Calm down Rachel, it isn't what you think and…"

"Isn't what I think?" Rachel thundered, "Are you taking the biscuit Quinn? All that stuff about needing to change and needing your own opinions was just a get out clause for the real truth of _let's blame Rachel Berry."_

Tears engulfed the blonde's eyes again and streamed freely down her cheeks, "No," Quinn tried to say but no sound came out.

"I'm out of here," Rachel finished before walking towards the door.

"No," Quinn yelled and Rachel stopped dead in her tracks. "I have gone through three years of figuring my life out and trying to piece it back together piece by piece not for you to screw this up for me so shut up, sit back down and listen."

She'd frightened herself by how harsh and loud her voice sounded but what frightened her more was how hardened Rachel had obviously become after the last three years because she didn't move at all. She didn't make a sound, but her facial expression hadn't changed and her defiant stance was still in play.

Rachel stood for a minute contemplating the blonde's words before continuing to walk towards the door. Behind her she heard Quinn sigh but that didn't stop her. Her handle was one the door and deep down she secretly hoped that Quinn would call her back again, that she'd fight for her, but who was she kidding, nobody fought for Rachel Berry.

"For once I hoped you'd fight for me, but nobody fights for Rachel Berry. You left me alone with no explanation as to why and I had to accept that and I had to face the tiny chance that you may never come back," her foot was out the door and as she spoke she didn't turn to face the blonde.

"You were the mistake that I needed to put right. When you build a jigsaw and you lose the very last piece and you think all hope is lost and then suddenly weeks after you'd given up looking for it, it turns up covered in cobwebs and a little bit battered but it still fits perfectly, you're that piece Rachel. You had the confidence I never did and the face of an angel and in my ideal and perfect world you still fitted no matter how broken you were after I left you for my own selfish cause."

"It wasn't selfish," Rachel blurted out.

"I'm the puzzle in the charity shop in the most battered looking box. I'm the box covered in sellotape but still falling apart. Around me are perfect and pristine boxes that are always brought whereas I'm just pushed to the back of the shelf to gather dust. Little does everybody know but I'm the only puzzle in the charity shop that is complete but because of battered and broken appearance nobody is interested, apart from you Rachel. You are the final piece to complete my puzzle."

Tears poured from Rachel's eyes. How could she have been so stupid and judgemental?

"Despite my broken appearance you are always there and nobody else will have that because they brought the puzzle with only 999 out of 1000 pieces because they judged the book by its cover. You are the 1000th piece Rachel and the puzzle isn't complete without it Rachel. Just like the piece of puzzle that gathered dust, you were only a mistake until you were fixed by being put with the rest of the pieces where you belong."

Rachel didn't know what made her do it but she turned around and walked straight over to Quinn. It felt like déjà vu as their eyes were just inches apart once more.

"I'm the little girl that won't get rid of the puzzle until I complete it with that final piece. I don't always look for it but subconsciously I know something is still missing. Then one day I'll find it, dusty and forgotten but still as important as before the puzzle even started and it will fall into place. I'm the girl, you're the final puzzle piece: always important and never forgotten and most importantly the time it takes to find the puzzle piece has been the painful three years in which I've endured without you Rachel. But I've found you and I'm ready if only you'll give me the chance."

Rachel wanted Quinn to kiss away the tears like she'd promised. She wanted to pretend that she no longer had feelings for the girl standing inches from her. She wanted to run and hide and not board the rollercoaster in which she knows she'd endure. She wanted Quinn to slap her for her idiocy she'd displayed when she was about to leave ten minutes prior.

But most of all, out of every scenario that buzzed in Rachel's head, she wanted to kiss the beautiful blonde before her just like she'd wanted to before Quinn had even left three years ago.

"You play the most important part Rachel," Quinn whispered as Rachel watched the tears stream down her cheeks, "you are the final piece to my puzzle, Rach. Always have been and always will be and if I had the chance to repeat the last three years, I would despite the pain because at the end of it I've realised how important you are to me and how important you always were and now I'm ready to accept and acknowledge that. I'm ready to embrace it with open arms."

Quinn beamed through the tears. She wanted to scream and shout and smile and yell. She was so happy, in fact, she'd never been happier.

"You're it Rachel, you're the piece I've needed to open my eyes to find, never looking hard enough, but never quite giving up."

Quinn waited hesitantly for Rachel to respond but while she waited she gazed into dark chocolate orbs that were glistening in the light due to unshed tears. Luckily Quinn didn't have to wait long for a response and the response she got, wasn't one she'd been expecting.

Dark chocolate orbs fluttered close with deep rich hazel ones following suit. Rachel tilted her head closer breathing in the air the Quinn was exhaling. It was sweet and warm and tickled the bridge of Rachel's nose which caused the cage of butterflies in her stomach to break free and spread throughout her body.

A string of warmth engulfed her body like a wave of electricity whilst a coy smile danced upon her lips urging her forward and finally after what felt like forever, they captured Quinn's.

The butterflies flew and surged harder and faster than ever dancing along every limb of her body because Rachel could feel something, something pushing back against her own smile and it wasn't just the force of Quinn's lips. It was something important and something special: Quinn's smile.

Quinn was smiling too.

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><p><strong>The puzzle part is a tad cliche but it fitted perfectly with the image and situation I was trying to create. What did you think of it?<br>**

**What do you think will happen next? What should happen? What would you like to happen?  
><strong>

**Thanks!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Glee or any of the characters unfortunately. **

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>When I Deserve You<br>**

Chapter Twelve

"I don't know why I did it," Rachel said for the umpteenth time as Kurt continued to question her despite Rachel's pleas as to ending the conversation. "Can we just, I don't know, talk about something else?" Rachel almost begged before adding, "Please?"

Kurt sighed, rolled his eyes and put his coffee mug on the table so that he could take the diva's fidgeting hands in his own as hoping to still them. "You can't just ignore this Rachel, she's been gone for three years and by what you've told me she had pretty good reasons to be absent as well, you kissing her out of the blue, not just for you but for her as well, it'll be a shock. Three years is a long time, so much changes in the space of ten minutes let alone a year. Now put that in comparison to three of them," Kurt finished squeezing Rachel's hands tightly between his own.

Rachel sighed, she knew Kurt was right. What had she been thinking leaping on Quinn like that? She hadn't even been sure if she'd wanted it to happen yet before she could stop herself her lips were already latched to Quinn's. She grimaced at the image in her head, not because of Quinn but because of her own foolish actions.

"You're right," Rachel started but didn't quite know where she was going, "I don't know why I did it, I don't think I wanted to do it, it just happened you know and I got caught up in it – we both did."

"Does Quinn know this?" Kurt asked.

"I – No," Rachel stammered, "We didn't talk after it happened."

Kurt's eyes widened to the size of beach balls, "You didn't…" he half asked pulling his hands from Rachel's and gesturing between her and an invisible person to his left.

"No!" Rachel shouted before quickly lowering her voice as other occupants of the café turned around and scowled, "God no, we just, well, we kissed. That was it, well apart from me leaving."

Kurt was eager to know more by this point he was practically bobbing up and down on his chair. "Details, I want details, but not the graphic kind," he hastened to add.

"I've told you Kurt, we talked, I kissed her, she kissed back and then I left, there wasn't much time for talking," Rachel said looking slightly disheartened.

Kurt knew the look in Rachel's eye and knew she was hiding something.

Suddenly it clicked, there was one thing she hadn't told him and judging by the glint in his eye Rachel immediately knew she should abandon the conversation. She couldn't handle it. Not now. Not next week. Not with anybody.

"Quinn pulled away," Kurt deadpanned.

Okay, Rachel _was _having this conversation.

"Most people tend to ask who pulled away instead of assuming," Rachel argued despite already knowing she'd lost. How did he know? Was it written on her forehead? Or was the situation just that predictable?

"People only ask if they don't know. I know," Kurt smiled.

"How?" Rachel shot back annoyed.

"Because if you'd have pulled away you would have said _and I pulled away and then I left_, but because she pulled away you didn't know what to say, that's why you didn't talk and you felt like you should leave, so you did."

He was good at this. More than good at this.

"Okay you win," Rachel mumbled, "she pulled away."

"I knew it!" Kurt almost shrieked clapping his hands together.

"Stop clapping, you're embarrassing us," Rachel said as she looked at all the scornful expressions once more.

"If we're going down this road where shall I start? Maybe at kissing Finn at our National championships in front of the entire audience or…" but Kurt was abruptly shut up by Rachel's hand covering his mouth.

"Okay, so I haven't made the most intellectual decisions in my time but I'm human and I make mistakes," Rachel snapped before removing her hand from Kurt's mouth.

"Was Quinn a mistake?" Kurt asked in the most genuine voice possible. As much as he loved teasing the diva about her past mistakes and misfortunes he didn't like to see her unhappy, especially about something so serious and so close to Rachel's heart.

Rachel swallowed, "I…I don't know anymore. I mean, I know I don't go about things in the most conventional way, most people start with a subtle date or flowers or a gift not a full-on declaration of their love."

Kurt chuckled at the last part and even Rachel managed a small smile. "I felt about Quinn the way people thought I felt about Finn. I was so fixated on my Broadway dreams that I started sculpting Finn into my ideal leading man rather than my boyfriend. I didn't listen to him enough, I was stubborn and I sure as hell wasn't going to listen to being told I was wrong. But then…" Rachel paused briefly except, when she saw Kurt was finally quiet and listening intensely, she carried on, "But then I began to feel things, they were different and they weren't for Finn. At first I was scared because they _weren't _for Finn but then I realised I wasn't scared because they weren't for him, I was scared because they were something I had never experienced before. I was scared because all that time I'd spent with Finn the feelings I had weren't what I thought they were. They weren't _in love_ feelings; they were just feelings of adoration – friend love."

Rachel stopped. How much did Kurt actually want to know anyway? He hadn't stopped her but then again everybody who knew Rachel _knew_ that she was more than likely to go off on a tangent.

"Kurt?" Rachel prompted as she continued to stare at his blank face.

Kurt was never blank. Usually in situations with similar circumstances, an admission of one's feelings would get Kurt almost jumping for joy, and it concerned Rachel that he didn't even have a smile on his face.

"You need to be careful Rachel," Kurt uttered.

Rachel looked confused. "What do you mean _careful_?"

Kurt sighed, "I mean that you need to be exactly t-total one hundred _and ten_ percent sure that you still feel the same for Quinn that you did when you were in high school."

"I…I know that Kurt, I'm not stupid. I'm not just going to jump straight into this," Rachel stopped when she saw Kurt shake his head.

"I know you aren't stupid Rachel but you don't understand what I mean. Three years have passed and Quinn was happy to tell you about herself, she was happy for you to ask anything and dig into her life at your heart's content but you didn't give her anything in return, all Quinn got from you was a dramatic speech about how you didn't want to hear any of her bullshit and then suddenly you kissed her, she was confused, that's why she pulled away. I mean for Christ's Rachel, you weren't even _sure_ you wanted to kiss her. You need to be careful you aren't going to drag yourself and Quinn through something that's going to end both of you."

Rachel's heart dropped but her anger bubbled just beneath the surface. What did Kurt know? He had a perfect life, a perfect fiancée. A perfect little world. Rachel had turmoil. Turmoil she was convinced couldn't be sorted.

"You have two choices. Be honest - not just to Quinn but to yourself as well. Or end it – end it while you both have the chance to fix this, get your life's back on tracks and be friends, the best of friends for all anyone cares but you can't leave this Rachel, you have got to make a decision, for both your sakes."

Okay, anger over load.

"What about _her_ then Kurt? What about her decision and what she wants? What about…" but Kurt cut her off in a harsher tone than what he previously been speaking in.

"What about her Rachel? She made the hardest decision of her life. She abandoned everything she knew and loved for three years to get her head straight. She did that for you Rachel."

"No Kurt, she did that for herself," Rachel spat out through gritted teeth.

Kurt sighed, "Of course she did it for herself, but she did it for you too. If it had just been about herself do you really think she would have still bothered? Do you think Quinn had enough courage and confidence to push herself away from the only things and people that kept her grounded just to find out who she really was? We could all go through life choosing to ignore who we are and what we really want, but she was brave and she pushed through it, and she pushed through it for you Rachel."

Rachel thought for a moment before asking, "Do you think it's too late?"

"It's never too late," Kurt replied his voice notably softer.

"But you said…"

"I told you to be careful Rachel, not that it's too late to try," Kurt smiled.

Rachel returned the smile. She felt stupid. She was sick of her anger getting the better of her these days; she wanted to stop jumping down people's throats before they had the chance to explain.

"Sorry," Rachel mumbled.

Kurt chuckled, "No need, I should be apologising anyway."

"Why?" Rachel asked curiously.

"You'll find out in about ten minutes, assuming they are on time that is."

Rachel's eyes whipped around the now slightly crowded café and scanned every nook and cranny to find a certain blonde girl. Her eyes shot back to Kurt's, "You didn't!"

"If you're referring to Quinn, then no I didn't, nobody but yourself can help you with that, we can only guide you."

Rachel hung on Kurt's every word, "What do you mean, _we?_"

"All in good time," Kurt replied sipping the dregs of his coffee and looking at the door. "You just need to be careful okay Rachel," Kurt said as if their previous conversation hadn't been interrupted, "It is never too late to try but in order for you to figure out what you want you need to weigh up the options. You are going to have to spend time with Quinn whether you like it or not and whether it hurts you or not. You _need_ to know if you still feel the same about her as you did all those years ago, it isn't something you can just guess and," Kurt paused, "if you find you do feel the same, well, then you know your answer – _be honest._"

And with that Kurt rose from his chair walked two steps around the table and hugged Rachel. After a brief hug Rachel made her way to stand.

"Hey wait hold on, you aren't going anywhere," Kurt laughed as he looked upon the diva's distraught face.

"No buts."

"But you said I need to do this on my own and that Quinn isn't…"

"And she isn't."

"Then who…" but Rachel was quickly answered by an ungrateful voice coming from the vicinity of the door.

"You have got to be kidding me," Santana deadpanned.

Rachel eyes darted to the dark haired girl standing just inside the door and then back at Kurt who had already taken a large step backwards as to avoid the wrath of the diva.

"You can only be guided," Kurt said smirking before jumping forward, kissing the diva on the forehead and then skipping towards the door.

"She's all yours," Kurt said to the latina noticing that she hadn't moved since she'd entered the café, before happily continuing his skip through the door and out onto the sidewalks of New York

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><p><strong>What did you think? Is Kurt right? What should Santana say to Rachel? Do you think Santana will help Rachel?<strong>

**Thank-you for the alerts and reviews etc, they mean a lot!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Glee or any of the characters unfortunately. **

**1. I've been a while updating because it's exam season and all my time is taken up with revision. The next chapter won't be up until after 20th June, my apologies.  
><strong>

**2. Despite the month long gap I have planned out the rest of the fic, and I now know what direction it is heading in, however I am still open to suggestions.  
><strong>

**3. Thank-you for your continual support/alerts/reviews  
><strong>

**4. Enjoy  
><strong>

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><p><strong>When I Deserve You<br>**

Chapter Thirteen

After a few minutes had passed in silence Santana threw herself into the chair opposite the diva and began rummaging through her bag for her purse. On retrieving it she looked up to have her gaze met by a puzzled expression on Rachel's face.

"What it's a free country," Santana said shrugging her shoulders.

"I didn't expect you to stay that's all," Rachel replied.

"Neither did I," Santana snorted pulling a five dollar bill from her purse before waving her arm to the nearest waiter.

Rachel quickly spoke, "I'll get that, put your money away."

Santana looked confused and for a minute almost accepted Rachel's offer before remembering common decency and said, "Honestly, I've got this."

The waiter approached the table with a notepad in hand, "What would you like madam?"

"Two cappuccino's, one with soya milk," Santana stated refusing to meet the brunettes perplexed look.

The waiter noted down the order and then asked, "Anything else from the menu?"

The latina rolled her eyes and turned to the brunette with a questioning look. When the diva shook her head Santana turned back to the waiter and said, "No that's it."

The waiter looked slightly taken aback by Santana's brash attitude and almost brushed it off but stopped when Rachel coughed very loudly and very falsely.

"Oh god, what now?"

Rachel didn't speak and just directed her eyes towards the waiter, back to the latina and then back to the waiter again. She watched the cogs turn in Santana's head for a few seconds until something clicked.

"Thank-you very kindly for taking our order," Santana forced out looking at the waiter with a sickly sweet smile until he backed away not daring to say another word.

She turned back to the diva that was glaring at her, "what?" She asked.

Rachel rolled her eyes, "Nothing I forgot manners were a dying specie."

"Bite me," Santana spat back, clearly not impressed about being there in the first place and even less so now that she was paying for a coffee for the diva that she still half despised. Rachel however, was not fazed by the latina's blunt unfeeling attitude as it was no different to that of which she'd endured for the best part of three years during high school.

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><p>Santana hadn't known that Kurt was setting her up to meet Rachel, however now that she was there she knew it had to be somehow linked to Quinn but that didn't give her any hints as to how she was able to help the diva. When she'd met her a few weeks prior she'd been nothing but rude to the girl and she didn't expect this occasion to be any different.<p>

It's not that she wanted to be unhelpful, she just didn't know where to begin on the subject of being helpful; but luckily it wasn't long until their drinks turned up and Rachel quickly jumped onto the subject in question. Santana hadn't expected any less but what she _hadn't _expected was Rachel's to-the-point attitude. Instead she usually pussyfooted around situations trying to lighten the mood first and ease into the topic of discussion, not this time though and to say it had thrown Santana was an understatement.

"Out with it then," Rachel demanded prior to blowing her coffee and sipping it slowly.

Santana frowned, "Out with what?" she asked pretending as if she didn't know what the diva was on about.

"We know why we are here Santana, so let's not waste the each other's time and get this over and done with."

Santana's frowned disappeared and she slouched in her chair a little. She hated Rachel's pussyfooting but now that she'd been thrown into the deep end she was lost for words and in an odd way, missed it.

"Do you need to be somewhere?" Santana asked.

Rachel looked confused, "Um, excuse me?"

"You heard what I asked."

"There is nowhere in particular I need to be, however there _are_ things that I'd much rather be doing right now than sitting here having this conversation with you, so the quicker we get it out of the way, the quicker we can leave and go our separate ways," Rachel explained.

Santana nodded, she could do this. Talking about Quinn leaving wouldn't be a problem because Rachel had endured the same. _You can do this._

"Where's Brittany?" Rachel asked in a matter of fact tone.

Okay, she can't do this. Santana's mouth opened in closed noiselessly. Out of everything the latina had expected the diva to ask, that definitely wasn't on the list.

Rachel's features softened as she noticed Santana's face had dropped. "It's okay, I'll change the subject," she said encouragingly yet waiting a few seconds to see if the latina would talk, but when she didn't she continued, "I know…"

But Santana interrupted, "No, it's fine. I just…" she trailed off before finding her voice to continue again, "I just haven't spoken about it…to anyone."

Rachel heard the dejected tone in Santana's voice and wanted to take her hand to show that it was okay however she was feeling, but her own felt like lead weights of which she found impossible to move.

Instead of continuing from what Santana had said she finished off what she was going to say before she'd been interrupted, "I know you've seen Quinn."

Santana nodded in response.

"Didn't you tell her about Brittany?"

This time Santana shook her head, "I wasn't there long, she did ask but it wasn't the time. More important stuff is going on right now than my dysfunctional relationship."

Rachel snorted and Santana glared at her.

"Sorry," Rachel hurried an apology, "I'd like to ask what happened but I'd feel like I was prying and I sense that that is the last thing you want right now."

Santana chortled and Rachel visibly eased a little, "It _is_ the last thing I want right now, but talking to you, I know it'll get brought up later so I might as well reveal all now."

Rachel smirked, Santana had a point. Her conversations had the tendency to do a three sixty even if she hadn't meant them to. So to give the latina a minute to compose herself, she finished her coffee before waving at the waiter signalling for another.

"I'll get these," Rachel smiled taking money from her purse that lay on the table next to her two already empty mugs.

Santana thanked the other girl before taking a deep breath and diving straight in.

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><p>After ten minutes of intense listening and biting her tongue as not to interrupt Santana she realised that she could no longer contain herself, so when the latina came to an end her questions bubbled over the surface.<p>

"You and Brittany split up because of Quinn and me," Rachel blurted out before she could stop herself and articulate her words in a less accusative way.

"God Berry, did you listen to anything I just said?" Santana asked already knowing the answer.

"Of course I did Santana but that doesn't mean I understand."

"This was a mistake," Santana said standing up ready to leave.

Rachel panicked so leapt up too and grabbed the latina's arm. Santana wrenched her arm from the diva's grip, "What do you think you are doing?" she said a lot louder than what she had meant to.

Rachel scanned the café and smiled apologetically at all those who had turned around at the latina's shout.

"Just sit down," Rachel hissed.

"Make me."

"Fine, leave," Rachel stated turning to pick up her own bag. That made Santana stop, since when did Rachel give up without a fight? The latina quickly mentally scolded herself for caring about Rachel until she saw the downtrodden look plastered across her face. Guilt coated Santana and before she knew it she'd thrown herself back into the chair, arms tightly folded across her chest.

Rachel spoke again, "Santana, you are free to leave. I wanted to see Kurt, not you and like I said when we last met, when you decide to grow up and want to talk, I may not be waiting and guess what?"

The smaller brunette paused to see if the latina would speak. When she didn't Rachel finished, "I'm no longer waiting; you've tried my patience long enough. You had all through high school to taunt me, I'm an adult now and I don't have to go through that again. I just listened to you pour your heart out about Brittany and just because I wanted to make sure I understood something before I tried to help you, you flew off the handle and decided to leave."

Santana's heart fell. Rachel was right; she'd been hasty in brushing the girl off before allowing her a chance to take everything that she'd told her in.

"I'm sorry," Santana said, barely above a whisper staring intently at her shoes.

Rachel was shocked. "Pardon?"

Santana's head shot up and held the diva's gaze, "I said it once, don't make me say it again."

"Did you just say you were sorry?" the diva taunted.

"Yes Rachel, I'm fucking sorry okay now will you sit down and shut up so we can get this over and done with," Santana seethed.

Rachel raised an eyebrow but decided not to say anything and just sit down.

The latina cleared her throat, "Brittany and I have not broken up."

Rachel nodded knowing that it was better not to say anything until the latina had finished.

"She got offered a work placement back in Lima with her dance company, helping and teaching kids with disabilities. We hadn't been okay for a while; we argued a lot over the most ridiculous things and ended up not talking at all. Work caused us to spend more and more time apart and it seemed to suit both of us, we'd argue the night before and I was up and out early for work in the morning before we had time to discuss it. By the time Brittany got home late in the evening, everything was left unspoken and we literally just talked about our day before eating and then sleeping," Santana sighed.

Everything that Santana was telling Rachel felt all too familiar. She too had spent nights arguing with Puck until the early hours of the morning of the pettiest of things. She'd cry herself to sleep feeling guilty about how she'd treated him and then set an alarm to try and apologise when Puck got up for work or job hunting, but he was always gone. After it happened a couple of times Rachel knew that Puck set an earlier alarm so that he didn't have to face the wrath of the diva before a day of scouring the streets for work or doing odd jobs here and there usually loading and unloading lorries of heavy items.

"One night Brittany came home from work and told me that she'd been offered a six week work placement in Lima. She explained that she'd get more pay and that seeing the rent was going up we could really use the money. That was just an excuse though; we both knew that however neither of us wanted to say it. I was happy for her, more than happy and proud of course but when she told me if the six weeks worked out well she'd be offered a permanent job," Santana laughed mirthlessly before carrying on.

"Well, to say I took the news badly was an understatement. I wasn't annoyed about the job, I was annoyed about the fact that she was going because of us. So I told her everything I thought, I told her it was pathetic that neither of us can talk to the other without arguing and that the only reason she was going back to Lima was to get away from me. She didn't take that very well, and I don't blame her. She yelled at me, she told me that she was going for _us_, that her absence might make _me_ realise how much I need _her_ rather than the fixation of keeping busy to stop myself wondering why," she paused, "wondering why Quinn left without an explanation."

Rachel watched the latina compose herself. Pools of tears filled her eyes but she refused to let any fall.

"I thought Quinn had gone because of me, because of how I was her best friend and that after everything with Beth, I'd abandoned her, left her on her own without any sign of friendship or acknowledgment that I _did_ actually care. Britt and I fought over Quinn because she'd always tell me it wasn't my fault and that we just needed to wait until Quinn was ready. Problem was, and still is, is that I'm impatient, I couldn't want and the anger that I felt towards Quinn, I let out on Brittany."

Santana sniffed.

"I apologised to Brittany the night before she was due to leave and what hurt the most was the fact she forgave me without batting an eyelid. We fell asleep in each other's arms for the first time in weeks but when I woke up she was gone. I ran down stairs and I found a note, it said, '_This six weeks will make or break us. Call me, text me, write to me but only if you know why you're doing so. Quinn isn't your fault, she will come back but you're so fixated on blaming yourself Quinn's absence is ruining our relationship. I love you too much to let that continue.'"_

A solitary tear found its way down Santana's cheek and Rachel had the urge to hug her, hold her, tell her it was all going to be okay, but she knew that that wasn't what she needed right now.

"At first I didn't know what she meant by only contacting her if I knew why I was doing so but then it hit, last week actually. She meant that only contact her out of the love I have for her rather than as a channel of anger and frustration. She only wanted me to get in contact with her if I wasn't blaming myself for something that I couldn't have prevented anymore."

It made sense; at last. Rachel finally understood everything that Santana had previously said but now the only question she had was, "Is it too late?"

Santana wiped the tears from her eyes and then looked up, "What?"

"Is it too late for you to contact Brittany? I assume you haven't done so yet."

Santana wanted to yell at her for assuming, but she couldn't find the energy to. "No I haven't. Her last week starts today."

Rachel grinned.

"What?" Santana deadpanned.

"You've still got time and now that Quinn is back you'll be able to figure this out a lot quicker," Rachel beamed however carefully watching the latina's face.

Santana shook her head, "No, that can't happen. It won't happen."

Rachel's face fell, "Why not? Why can't it happen?"

"Because I was brought here to drill it into your skull that Quinn still loves you and to tell you to get over the idea of being abandoned by her again."

Rachel pretended she didn't hear Santana and said, "You've got a week, if you talk to Quinn later today, or tomorrow even then you can…" but Rachel stopped confused.

Santana was laughing.

"I've already spoken to Quinn, I know why she left and I know you know too."

"And?" Rachel questioned.

"And, I know it wasn't my fault," Santana finished.

It suddenly clicked and Rachel screwed her face up in puzzlement, "So why haven't you called Brittany?"

Santana didn't reply.

"Santana?" Rachel coaxed.

"Because I don't know what to say to her okay. I don't know where to start on apologising to her. She…She deserves better than me. You know it, I know it, and the whole of Glee club knew it."

Rachel smiled, Santana frowned.

"Who cares what they think? She knew what they thought and she still chose to be with _you_. She still chose to follow _you_ to New York and move in with _you._"

"But," Santana tried and failed to interrupt.

"But nothing Santana, you're just trying to make excuses for yourself."

That was very true. Of course she was, what other answer was there? But despite knowing she was making excuses for herself, she still didn't feel a sudden urge to get into contact with Brittany. She'd got so used to sleeping without a warm body cuddled against her own and cooking for only one person, she'd convinced herself it was easier like that than with someone else.

Maybe she didn't want Brittany back. The thought scared Santana. What if Brittany didn't want her back either? Santana shuddered. The lack of the blondes presence had become a familiarity with Santana, that's all it was, as soon as she saw her again, heard her voice, she'd feel it again. She'd feel the warmth, the love…the need.

Lost in thought, Santana completely forgot the diva's presence and was startled when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She whipped around to see Rachel standing next to her. How long had she been there? More importantly, how long had Santana been lost in space?

However, the latina had no time to dwell on anything as she was quickly hauled to her feet and being guided by Rachel towards the door.

Rachel was glad Santana hadn't questioned the sudden change of scenery so dragged her along the street back to her apartment. She assumed the latina had never been there before unless Puck had invited her back when she was out, but that was very unlikely.

On reaching the door to Rachel's apartment it dawned on Santana where she finally was.

"Why are we here?"

"Because I live here," Rachel reminded her as she unlocked the door and beckoned Santana in.

"I have work this evening so I can't stay here long, I need to freshen up," Santana stated before throwing herself onto the couch as if she owned the place.

Rachel merely rolled her eyes and nodded in the latina's direction.

"So other than this being your hobbit hole, why are we here?"

"Because unless you were paying for our fourth cups of coffee, we'd have been thrown out soon anyway," Rachel scorned.

"You could have paid," Santana deadpanned.

"_Could_ being the operative word."

Santana stuck her tongue out but luckily for her the diva's back was turned so it went unnoticed by Rachel. After a few minutes of Rachel's bustling in the kitchen she returned to the couch Santana was sprawled on with two drinks in hand. Santana sat up and took what Rachel offered her without argument.

"So you're going to call Brittany aren't you," Rachel stated.

"Am I?" Santana questioned.

"Yes, yes you are because if you don't I will."

"You don't know her number," Santana laughed, "So good luck with that."

"She hasn't changed her number since high school because she gets easily confused with long strings of numbers," Rachel protested.

Santana's face fell, "Damn."

"Exactly, so you have three days, if you haven't rung her by then, I will," Rachel assured the latina.

Quick to change the subject Santana spoke again, "So what's the deal with you and Quinn?"

"Well we saw each other, talked about stuff, and then I kissed her before running from her apartment without explaining myself," Rachel admitted, blushing at the last part.

"She pulled away didn't she," Santana responded already knowing the answer.

"How does everyone seem to know that?" Rachel asked exasperated. Was she really that obvious? Or was her current situation like that to one of a movie?

"It's just obvious, I mean, if Brittany hadn't seen me in three years and she pounced on me even _I'd_ back away. It's just not the kind of thing you expect is it?"

Rachel nodded along; she'd already had this talk with Kurt so how was Santana able to help.

"I guess not, but how are you going to help?" Rachel asked.

"I'm not; Kurt said something about guiding you didn't he? You just need a kick up the ass in the right direction."

"But what direction is that!"

"I don't know," Santana said bluntly shrugging her shoulders, "Only you know how you feel about her, no matter how much you try and justify to me, Kurt or anyone else, we'll still never understand."

Rachel groaned, she missed the days when her dad's told her what to do. She defied them sometimes and regretted so afterwards, but now she was an adult, and all she wanted was someone to tell her what to do, what to believe and how to act. But it wasn't happening.

"You want my advice?"

"Not really," Rachel huffed.

"Tough short-stack, you're getting it anyway. I haven't seen Quinn in a while either, it's going to take some getting used to, knowing that she is back _but_ I still care about her the same now as I did before she left. I will still always be there for her, so if you hurt her I'll ends you, got it?"

Rachel swallowed and nodded.

"Good. You just need to figure out what you want, obviously that's Quinn but you need to know how you want Quinn, just as a friend or more. Don't play games, just be straight with her and she'll respect you for it, time has passed but you can't change that, neither of you can so just get on with the present and enjoy it. Don't mess with her head Rachel. The reason she went away was to sort her shit out, now she's sorted it, she doesn't need a helping hand in fucking it up again, okay? Not unless you want to be chasing her half way across the world convincing her to come back again."

Rachel stayed silent and made no acknowledgment of having just listened to the latina.

Santana pulled her phone from her pocket and muttered, "Shit." She stood up and walked towards the apartment door, Rachel following close behind, "I've got to go. Thanks for the drinks and stuff."

Rachel smiled, "You're welcome, thanks too and sorry, for losing it a little before, I just get…"

"Yeah yeah, its fine," Santana interrupted, "Just remember what I said, don't hurt her, follow your heart and not your head, you'll only talk yourself out of things that way. And as for Brittany," she swallowed, "I'll think about it," and with those last few words Santana was already walking away from Rachel without letting her say goodbye.

She closed the door and threw herself onto the couch in a similar way that Santana had done a few minutes prior. Closing her eyes she mulled over the words of Kurt and Santana.

"Get your shit together," she muttered to herself, "it's not about you anymore."

The door swung open.

"Was that Santana I just saw leaving the building?" Puck asked throwing his brief case to the floor.

"Yeah," Rachel replied not moving from the position she was lying in.

"You didn't kill each other, I'm impressed," Puck laughed before heading to his room and shouting, "Take-out tonight, my treat."

Rachel smiled.

Even if things did go to shit again, she knew she wasn't alone, on the condition that things going to shit wouldn't be her fault. The diva allowed herself to slip into a hazy dream, forgetting her contemplation and letting herself drift off into a calm and peaceful sleep.

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**Thank-you and see you soon!  
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	14. Chapter 14

**It's been a while and for that I am sorry, but here is the next chapter. Pretty boring one if I'm honest, and I'm going through a mind blank at the moment so my writing feels pretty mechanical, hopefully I'll improve by the next chapter.**

**Enjoy!  
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><p>The city had started to grow on Quinn the minute she'd stepped foot off of the plane at JFK airport. She couldn't put her finger on what she loved about it so much. Maybe it was the constant busyness of the city or the way that it was alive at whatever time or day; or maybe it had nothing to do with the city. Maybe it was someone in that city that made the subways run smoother than usual and the lights slightly brighter than Quinn remembered them when she had first visited New York at New Directions' trip to Nationals.<p>

As Quinn continued her brisk walk through New York towards a secluded café in which she hoped no one would find her she began to mull things over in her mind. Things weren't straight forward, she was more than aware of that, she liked Rachel, probably a bit more than liked but at the moment that wasn't going anywhere. Her head was all over the place and Rachel's even more so.

When Rachel had smiled, it had been a shock, but once that had passed Quinn naturally returned it. However as soon as Quinn saw the brunette's eyes flutter close she knew she was in trouble. She tried to engage her brain except on the wrong thing. Instead of figuring how to get out of the sticky situation Quinn wondered whether she'd given of the wrong signals. She didn't think she had? She'd been honest and left the ball in Rachel's court as it was only fair but when a pair of warm, soft lips collided with her own Quinn knew she hadn't acted quickly enough.

On initial collision Quinn had a violent urge to break the kiss, she couldn't confuse Rachel anymore than before and secondly why was Rachel kissing her? Quinn had just told her she was a mistake, Rachel had yelled at Quinn for that, next minute Rachel had calmed down to the extent of kissing her.

Quinn would have pulled away if she didn't think Rachel would continue the kiss. She'd assumed she would break it, how wrong was Quinn. Rachel didn't stop. Rachel didn't give the slightest hint that she ever planned on stopping either and it worried Quinn. If anything it confused Quinn more than she was convinced it was confusing Rachel and for that reason alone Quinn pulled away, hard, from Rachel's lips.

It could have been a cliché. Tears could have filled Quinn's eyes while she held a disappointed hand to her mouth, guiltily looking at the floor whilst Rachel was left wondering what was going on. Luckily, none of the above happened and for Quinn that was great because cliché's caused problems, however, before the blonde could speak, before the blonde could even think, her vision was filled with the image of Rachel scarpering from Quinn's apartment at the speed of light.

With a gentle tinkle of the door knocking the bell above it, Quinn entered the café and headed straight for her usual spot. In the corner; far enough away to not be spotted through the many windows or have her thoughts distracted by whatever was happening on the sidewalks.

After ordering a coffee she relaxed into the chair and closed her eyes, hoping that when she opened them things would be clearer and her tiredness would have ebbed away.

That was quick service Quinn thought to herself as a shadow loomed over her, "Just leave it on the table, thanks," Quinn mumbled.

A snigger caused Quinn to open her eyes and she frowned almost immediately.

So much for a quiet drink to sort out her thoughts.

"You're paying," Puck stated dragging a chair over from the opposite table before sitting down in front of Quinn.

"You have a job now Puck, I don't need to pay for anything," Quinn responded still frowning.

"You owe me, so…"

"I don't owe you anything."

"Okay, I'll tell Rachel about the little trip you're making and not returning from," Puck said matter-of-factly.

Quinn's frown deepened considerably. "You promised that if I told you, you wouldn't blackmail me."

"If Rachel asks me anything I'm not going to lie to her," was all Puck said in response before raising his hand, signalling the waiter over and pointing to Quinn mouthing, 'whatever she is having.'

In no position to complain Quinn just rolled her eyes and nodded in the direction of the hovering waiter so he could disappear and place the order. The thought of having a peaceful thought provoking hour to herself was now far off in the distance and instead clouded by a conversation she knew she wasn't ready to have.

Of course, she knew what Puck was talking about and well, Puck was the only person who knew. The reason he had found out had been by complete accident. For once in his life he was on time on meeting Quinn at her apartment which left the blonde little time to scurry and hide the various pieces of paper she wasn't ready to tell anyone yet; least of all the one person who knew Rachel like the back of his hand.

The letter Puck had read? The confirmation of a job offer. She had applied for the job a long while before ever planning to move to New York and after not hearing anything for two months Quinn realised she couldn't put her life on hold any longer, thus she began her travels.

What awful timing Quinn thought to herself. Just as she put one part of her life behind her and started a fresh, the past came back and kicked her in the lady regions. At the time she had applied the job had been appealing: working from home, working the hours she chose so long as she met deadlines and writing something that she enjoyed.

"So what is your plot?" Puck asked genuinely interested.

"Never you mind," Quinn retorted, still annoyed that her intended quiet day had now been ruined due to no fault of her own.

"Come on, I'm going to find out anyway if it's aired."

Shit.

The one problem of script writing? It cannot be done in secret if the airing date has already been established.

Rachel would inevitably find out.

"Okay, put it this way," Puck said when Quinn didn't answer, "If you don't take the job you are going to be living here for a long while and that could be a disaster if Rachel and yourself don't sort your shit out."

Quinn made to interrupt but Puck just spoke louder.

"On the other hand you could take the job, not tell Rachel and decline the offer later on if you and Rachel patch things up."

Quinn thought about the consequences of not telling Rachel briefly before replying, "What if that happens and she finds out anyway. She'll think I'm leaving again."

"Sometimes you've got to do what you've got to do and you know that better than anyone."

Quinn nodded and at the same time their coffee's made their way to the table. Whilst the pair drank not a single word was spoken. Puck somehow, although Quinn doesn't know how, understood that she had clearly gone there to be out of people's way and mull things over. He knew that he was disrupting what otherwise would have been a peaceful day but deep down he was convinced that Quinn needed to talk to someone about it.

He hadn't intentionally found the letter. It wasn't as if there was a big sign pointing towards it saying, DO NOT READ; in all honesty it was out of general curiosity and wellbeing for his friend. The only problem was was that if Rachel found out Quinn planned on upping and going again, he didn't think he could handle it.

As Puck drained the dregs of his coffee, gulping and slurping like he was drinking a beer he wondered why Quinn hadn't responded to the letter before voicing his thoughts aloud.

"How do you know I haven't?" Quinn asked.

"Because in tiny letters at the bottom of the sheet of paper there was a little '2'" he replied using his fingers for emphasis as Quinn had no idea what kind of numerical value the number held.

He smirked at the shape his fingers were making before quickly stopping as an old lady on the table behind them gave him a bizarre and half disgusted look.

"Maybe I've accepted the job from that letter."

"You haven't."

"How do you know?"

"Because Rachel isn't in a mess."

Good point Quinn thought to herself.

"See," Puck grinned in response, his expression softened somewhat when he next spoke though, as if what he was saying was very serious and of genuine importance, "What's stopping you?"

He asked as if he didn't know the answer, but his hunch proved to be right.

"Rachel."

"Ah."

"Yeah."

"In it for the long haul?" Puck asked.

"The job or Rachel?" Quinn enquired a bit confused by the question.

"Rachel."

"I want her to make the decision she feels will benefit the both of us," Quinn replied honestly holding Puck's gaze.

"It takes two to tango, you can't put this whole decision on her shoulders," Puck said slightly worried that Quinn might be putting a little _too_ much pressure on the brunette.

Quinn noticed the undertone of worry lacing Pucks voice and quickly corrected herself, "Oh I know! I didn't mean…all I meant was that it's her turn to make the next move, she ran away not me. If she wants contact all she has to do is ask. When and _if_ that happens, then it'll be even both ways."

Puck nodded, still eyeing Quinn, studying her face for any telltale signs that she was having doubts by leaving the future decision up to Rachel. After a few seconds of scanning her he noticed it. It was tiny. Almost invisible. But he saw it. Her eyes flickered just slightly away from his and then back again.

"Okay what's the problem."

"You read my like a book," Quinn joked although secretly quite pleased she didn't have to keep it to herself any longer.

Puck raised an eyebrow and waited for the blonde to speak and of course, it wasn't long.

"I wasn't sure you know, not until I saw her again…"

Puck was lost, "Okay, I have a job but that doesn't make me smart, back up and start over. You weren't sure about what…?"

"I wasn't sure that my feelings would be the same as they were, I thought they'd have lessened a little but when I saw her… I just… I couldn't have been more wrong if I tried. I feel exactly the same. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder but I thought it was crap to be honest. I want to start over with her Puck, properly, as a couple. I don't want to get mixed up in being her friend forever more, jumping into a relationship and realising there is nothing left to say. I want a fresh start on all fronts."

"Are you worried she isn't interested in that?"

Quinn just stared blankly at the boy in front of her before they both burst out laughing, "Stupid question," Puck continued, "She tried to rip your tonsils out with her tongue."

Quinn screwed her face up at the grotesque image painted in front of her eyes, "Ew shut up," she said reaching over the table to slap his arm.

After the laughter died down and the stares from various other occupants of the café had subsided Quinn began to properly consider what Puck had asked her.

"I know she's interested, that's the problem."

"I thought that was what you wanted?"

"It is, but I want her to be with me because that's what she wants, not because she is pressured for time and _thinks_ it's what she wants. That's why I don't want to tell her Puck, not to cause friction but because it is fairer on both of us. She takes her time, I get an honest answer…"

"Win-win," Puck finished Quinn's sentence for her although she wasn't really listening because her phone had just vibrated in her pocket. On taking it out her heart skipped a beat. She mentally crossed her fingers and Puck must have noticed the slight concentration in her face as he said, "Just read it, if it's her it's her."

Quinn slid across the 'unlock' button and clicked on the flashing alert telling her that she had one new message.

_I would firstly like to apologise for…_

"Read it out loud," Puck said eagerly before Quinn could get any further than the seventh word.

_I would firstly like to apologise for my inappropriate actions when we last met. It was unfair of me to spring such an attack on you and then run away without an explanation, therefore I am proposing to meet you, only if you'd like to of course, so that we can get to know each other again. Secondly, sorry. Again. – R_

"I'm glad that she texts everybody like that and not just me," Puck said whilst Quinn's eyes darted from side to side reading the message over and over again.

"What should I say?" Quinn asked dumbly.

"If you don't know, how the hell should I know?" Puck replied before signalling for another coffee beaming at Quinn with an innocent look on his face.

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><p>Rachel walked idly along looking at how close her hand was to Quinn's wishing she could make up some excuse to hold it which wasn't shaking it. It was the second time they had met up; well, third if you included the unscheduled bump-in-the-aisle at the grocery store. After an awkward hello, hurried apologies and mundane questions the two girls parted both blushing furiously red hoping that the other hadn't noticed.<p>

Their first 'official' encounter occurred at Central Park. Rachel was already sitting on the bench, slightly slouched, waiting for the blonde to get there. She'd hoped looking at her watch continuously would make time move quicker but when you are thirty minutes earlier than expected, those kinds of things just do not happen.

When Quinn turned up, also early, just not quite as early as Rachel, the brunette held her hand out and Quinn actually laughed.

"What are you doing?" The blonde asked giggling although trying very hard to keep a straight face.

"I was offering my hand to shake as a gesture of my apology," Rachel replied still not moving her hand.

"It's fine Rach, really."

"I insist," Rachel urged.

Quinn rolled her eyes but obliged knowing that if she didn't shake the girl's hand they could be a while and would probably be taking steps backwards in their friendship through petty arguing rather than steps forward.

The majority of the afternoon was spent sat on a bench talking about how life had been for them over the past few years, however neither girl mentioned the obvious elephant in the room that both had spent the last three years wondering how the other was and knowing that if things had been different maybe they wouldn't have spent three years apart.

Overall the afternoon was a success and instead of a hand shake Rachel actually let Quinn hug her. It was brief, almost just a pat on the other's back but it was still a massive leap forward from Rachel yelling or having the only contact as a hand shake. Rachel held her breath as she hugged Quinn. She hoped that maybe if she didn't breath she could savour the moment. The breath she took before holding it engulfed the smell of Quinn's perfume. The longer the girl held her breath the longer she could taste Quinn's sweet scent of vanilla infused with the coffee that she knew Quinn drank before she left the house to meet her.

Rachel hoped that this 'meet up' would be slightly different to the first one. She hoped things would be less formal and they could talk about something other than what was expected of them. She wanted to remember what it was like to ramble about nothing and to actually be told to shut up by the blonde herself. In Rachel's mind three years was a heck of a long time, but when she thinks about the gap that had grown between herself and Quinn it felt much much longer.

There wasn't much time for the girl to dwell on the past though because she knew Quinn was all for looking at the future and she wanted to be part of that. She wanted to be part of Quinn and not just her future. The night after meeting with Santana Rachel had fallen asleep deep in contemplation. Obviously Santana was right although she hated to admit it, she did need to deeply consider how she wants to go about being with Quinn, although the blonde herself has still given no indication on where she wants their future to head. Friends or otherwise.

After a relatively sleepless night Rachel came to the conclusion that although Quinn said the majority of the choices needed to be on her terms, she was going to take it slow and wait for Quinn to show signs of wanting to be more than friends, no matter how long it could take. Rachel needed to know that Quinn meant how she felt and meant it to the extent of actually sticking around this time rather than feeling something unfamiliar and bolting at the first sign of trouble.

Rachel's heart sunk. That was low and unfair. She'd forgiven Quinn, she couldn't just take something like that back, especially not now, especially since...

"Oh my God, what the hell is that Quinn?" Rachel asked stopping in her tracks and suddenly very aware of the breeze that was no longer being blocked by the body of the blonde.

"It's my car," Quinn replied as if she couldn't understand why Rachel had even asked her the question in the first place.

Rachel's jaw hit the floor. This was definately some kind of joke and if it wasn't she would cross her fingers and hope it was, because there was no way, even if it depended on Streisands life, that she was getting in that 'car'.

"It looks like a train wreck," Rachel exclaimed rooted to the spot while she watched Quinn manually unlock the car. "Who even has a car that doesn't automatically unlock? I didn't even know they still made cars with keys."

Quinn laughed only laughed, "The inside is cleaner than the outside, I promise. I brought it from a friend when I was on my travels. Come on," the blonde beckoned and with slow tentative steps Rachel edged closer.

The 'car' was more like a truck. It's rusted exterior made it look fit to be in a junk heap, however Quinn had tidied out and thoroughly cleaned the inside fit for a King. The elongated rear of the truck contained two wooden boxes for what reason Rachel couldn't fathom, but she was more preoccupied with having to sit in the truck and not catch a disease.

"Here give me your hand." Quinn had also unlocked the passanger door and opened it for Rachel, she held out her hand and waited for Rachel to take it.

"It is safe right?" Rachel asked hesitantly.

Quinn laughed again, which made the brunette more at ease, "I promise. We won't be in it long and when I get more money I'll buy a new car and trade this in for scrap metal or something."

That was enough to convince Rachel, and as she accepted Quinn's hand and climbed into the passenger seat she missed the fallen smile on Quinn's face. Money. Job.

She'd completely forgotten until a moment ago and all of a sudden all the thoughts surrounding her pending decision flooded her brain.

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	15. Chapter 15

**It's been a while and for that I apologise, it has just been a hectic few months! I hope the length and quality of this chapter makes up for it and I hope this chapter answers some of the questions you guys have had.**

**Enjoy!  
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><p><strong>When I Deserve You<br>**

Chapter Fifteen

As Quinn pulled the car into a seemingly abrupt halt her mind wandered back to the relatively short drive. It was full of chatter, mainly from Rachel with Quinn just humming or nodding in response. Silence was never a problem and if it had potential to be Rachel solved it immediately by turning on the radio at full blast, bursting into song at every possible interval.

It calmed Quinn, it was the most relaxed she'd felt around Rachel since they'd seen one another again; obviously there was still lots to talk about, feelings to discuss, decisions to be made, but as the blonde listened to the melodic tone of Rachel's perfect voice she easily pushed everything to the back of her mind and just concentrated on being in the moment.

Rachel gazed out of the window whilst Quinn drummed her thumbs on the steering wheel. There wasn't silence as the radio was still blaring out, but Rachel was no longer singing and despite the continual noise, the atmosphere eerie as if something unsaid was floating in the air. Obviously Rachel was dying to ask where she was, Quinn could tell just by the way she fidgeted in her seat and how her eyes would dart from the window and then to her wing mirror as if trying to catch Quinn's gaze.

On one occasion Rachel did catch Quinn's eye but quickly recovered by making it look like she was examining an eyelash but the flush of colour that quickly coated her cheeks was enough to tell Quinn a completely different story.

Additionally to the something unsaid, there seemed to be a slight tension in the air. Rachel felt as if she shouldn't be there. She spoke to Puck the night before and although they both knew it's what she needed, there was something within herself she didn't trust. An urge that she knew she wouldn't be able to fight if found in the wrong situation. This just so happened to be one of those situations. Close to Quinn.

_Too _close in fact.

Rachel's right hand lay just above her knee on her right thigh whilst Quinn's left hand had subconsciously made its way from the steering wheel to the gearbox completely pointlessly as she'd already switched the engine off and wouldn't be needing them until her journey home.

A couple of moments passed and for Quinn, despite the radio being on ridiculously loudly, she could only hear the pound of her own heart in her ears. If she thought she was over Rachel, she was very much mistaken. Just being in the same room with the girl gave her goose bumps and a lump in her throat of which even she couldn't explain. A rush of warmth would cover the blonde's body and forming coherent sentences became incredibly difficult.

Quinn blushed on thinking of her own stupidity and ease of embarrassment around Rachel.

_Smitten,_ was the word Kurt had used when she ran into him just two days prior. He was much less agitated than their first encounter and he apologised and to Quinn's relief thankfully understood where she was coming from about the whole leaving-three-years-ago-fandango.

Quinn turned her gaze to Rachel who was staring straight out of the front windscreen watching the little children run past the front of the car. Rachel knew where she was. She'd been there before with Puck many a time he'd tried to cheer her up. She couldn't work out if that was something Quinn knew and was trying to make her feel better about the place or whether it was just a complete coincidence. Either way Rachel decided not to mention it just in case it ruined the mood of the day.

It had just turned eleven o'clock and nobody had spoken in an agonising six minutes. Rachel felt incredibly uncomfortable in such quiet conditions; Rachel Berry and the word quiet are just words that do not mix.

She sighed audibly hoping that it would prompt the blonde to talk to her.

No such luck. Quinn just continued to stare at Rachel in admiration, almost forgetting the fact that Rachel could just quickly glance to the right and she would be caught red handed.

The sound of Rachel sighing brought her back to reality and unfortunately she knew that the silence needed to be broken, so being typical and almost humorous (at least she thought so) she said, "We're here."

Rachel almost exploded with six minutes of pent up frustration. She knew they were here. Where else could they possibly be? Why would Quinn have stopped if they were not here?

_This girl is going to be the death of me._

The brunette tried to collect herself before talking and forcing out her words in a deliberately calm tone, of which Quinn, obviously, saw straight through.

"We've been sitting here in silent for exactly six minutes and thirty three seconds, if we weren't _here _I would start to worry for my safety but as you have kindly put my mind to rest I am no longer panicking," Rachel blurted out in a somewhat less calm tone of voice than she hoped.

Quinn smirked at the brunette who looked positively outrageous at Quinn's blindingly obvious statement but it quickly dissipated and was rapidly replaced with a coy smile. A few stray hairs blew across Rachel's face due to the breeze pouring in through the partially open window. Quinn was so tempted to tuck it back behind the girl's ear but just as she was about to, the girl lifted her own hand she'd being sitting on the entire journey and moved it for herself.

Quinn's heart froze.

Her smirk faded abruptly and she had to blink a few times to make sure she wasn't just seeing things. After three blinks…and no, she definitely wasn't seeing things.

If the light hadn't caught its surface maybe she wouldn't have noticed it. How hadn't she noticed it before? Had it always been there? Had she noticed it before and chosen not to pay attention? Quinn turned to her right and began looking straight ahead her mind whirring with a hurricane of questions and possibilities.

She tried to think back to the few times that they had met up with each other but the more she tried to concentrate on specific details the more her memories of the events became blurred. She screwed her eyes up in frustration and almost punched the dashboard until she remembered she had company when the sound of Rachel's voice hit her eyes like a wave of music.

"Are you okay Quinn? Not that I mind sitting here – with you all day," she hastened to add "– but if this was your plan…and don't get me wrong the interior of your car is of pristine condition but you could have hired a car that didn't look like it fell off the back of a lorry so when people walk past they don't think we're poor or hillbilly's or something," she finished knowing that her words were a little harsher than they had intended to be.

Judging by Rachel's response to the silence, she hadn't noticed Quinn's reaction and sudden hesitation of spending any more time than necessary with the girl. Don't get Quinn wrong, she wanted nothing more than to spend the whole day with Rachel and possibly longer, but suddenly the lump in Quinn's throat wasn't due to unexplainable feelings towards the girl, instead it was of dread and fear that talking about the past would no doubt bring up.

She hoped she could have avoided it. At least today. But the second that Quinn noticed the sparkling silver ring on Rachel's finger, she knew that that was no longer possible.

The ring on Rachel's left index finger. Her ring. The ring from just over three years ago.

Her promise.

* * *

><p>"Quinn?" Rachel asked scuffing the front of her converse deeper and deeper into the sand with every step she took.<p>

After noticing the ring Quinn's mind had gone blank, she didn't know whether to ask about it or whether to leave it for Rachel to mention. Every time the brunette mentioned her named she begged for the words _the ring_ to fly off of the tip of her tongue, but unfortunately they never did. She just wish she could remember if Rachel had always been wearing it and she'd just never noticed or if Rachel had put it on specifically today and hoped for the pair to discuss it and everything that it drags into their lives.

A wave of emotions crashed over Quinn like a tidal wave when she once again heard her name but no mention of the ring. To say she was confused about how she felt was an understatement. Yes, she wanted to be with Rachel, but the ring? What had Quinn been thinking when she'd asked Puck to give it to her? It was a sign that Rachel accepted Quinn's promise but that promise had been lost, twisted and turned into something almost unrecognisable as soon as Rachel had started to lose hope.

So what did the ring mean now? Less than before? Anything at all even, Quinn wondered to herself.

She kept on walking completely oblivious to the fact Rachel had called her name but when Rachel called her a second time, there was something different about her tone of voice. She seemed distant and lost.

"Quinn?"

The blonde stopped in her tracks and turned to where the Rachel was walking beside her, except that she was no longer there. Quinn whipped around. Rachel stood roughly ten feet away, brunette hair cast awry by the sea breeze and hands clasped tightly in front of her; right on top of the left so that the ring wasn't visible to Quinn's eye.

She gulped.

Rachel must know, Quinn thought to herself, she must know. She must. Quinn almost willed Rachel to say the words, say anything, to move towards her and explain herself. Explain this.

She waited.

The breeze felt cooler than it had done a few moments prior, goosebumps found their way up Quinn's spine and spread out across the width of her shoulders. She herself clasped her own hands in front of her, almost mirroring Rachel but not quite as relaxed or as comfortable as she was.

She counted to ten one last time, she could feel her frustration rising, her anger building close to overflowing but she controlled it. She took in a deep breath just as Rachel opened her mouth to speak…

But nothing.

Nothing came out.

Nothing at all.

Rachel merely closed her mouth again and beckoned the blonde closer with a sideway tilt of her head and Quinn found herself obliging and immediately walking back towards the brunette. They settled down next to each other on the beach, not an inch between them. At first Quinn felt she should move away as she felt she was encroaching on Rachel's personal space but when she felt an arm loop around her own tugging her backwards she didn't argue or pull away she just let herself be in Rachel's control doing things at Rachel's speed.

Before Quinn knew it she found herself closer to Rachel than she had ever anticipated on this little outing. Staring up at the sapphire blue sky which was occasionally invaded by smoky wisps of cloud Quinn didn't know who should speak first.

The first part of the day, after the awkward silence in the car, turned out to be quite a success. Rachel had finally pulled Quinn from her thoughts by jumping out of the car, buying as ice-cream and bringing it back to Quinn, without the blonde even realising she'd left in the first place. Quickly after Quinn felt relaxed and they strode along the beach together laughing and joking as if a day without each other hadn't passed between them.

However as the day went on Quinn found herself worrying more and more about the ring on Rachel's finger to the point of which the conversation fizzled out and they were left walking next to one another in complete silence of which was only invaded by screaming children and the collision of wave on sand.

"I used to come here with Puck, he thought it'd cheer me up. Take my mind of things," Rachel piped up.

Quinn nodded in response but quickly remembered that they were both staring at the sky and not each other therefore her nod went completely unnoticed.

"I haven't been here before," Quinn confessed in response closing her eyes as the brightness of the sky was causing her to squint.

"What?" Rachel asked, "I thought you knew where you were going?"

"I lied."

"Oh," Rachel responded a little upset that Quinn hadn't brought her here for a specific reason.

Quinn noticed the dip in her tone of voice and quickly rectified her mistake, "I just wanted to be with you so to me it didn't matter where we went."

The blonde blushed at the corniness of her own words even though they clearly had worked as Rachel was now beaming despite Quinn not being able to see.

Rachel cleared her throat, "There are a lot of couples on this strip of beach," she pointed out trying to keep her tone of voice at all one pitch but lilted ever so slightly at the end.

In all honesty Quinn hadn't noticed but now that Rachel mentioned it, she cast her mind back to their walk and did recall quite a few couples, actually, more than a few couples either kissing or holding hands or embracing or just being perfect to one another in their own special way.

Rachel knew that Quinn had heard her but when the blonde sighed and didn't respond, the brunette continued, "Do you miss it?" she asked.

"Miss what?"

"Being with someone. Having someone care for you, telling you you look pretty even when you're throwing up at 3am after being told by your significant other not to drink the night before," Rachel joked nudging Quinn lightly in the ribs.

Quinn laughed sadly. She missed it, of course she did but she'd been without it for so long she'd forgotten what feeling cared for felt like anyway. Caring for yourself is mandatory; having someone else care about you is a choice they are willing to make. It shows commitment and sacrifice and love.

Wow, love wasn't something she'd felt since high school and even then Quinn didn't think it counted as real love. What is real love anyway she thinks to herself?

"I miss it, but when it's something you've never properly had and can say is yours, then you can't truly miss it right?" Quinn answers honestly.

"You've had Finn, Sam and Puck…"

"Had – it's the past tense. It's in the past and that's where I would like it to stay. Don't get me wrong, they are all lovely and mature guys now but then…back then I didn't know who I was, what I was doing and more importantly why I was doing it. What I had with them was great for what it was, but if you're going to compare that to loving someone and having someone to call your own, well I don't know what it feels like but I sure as hell hope it never feels like that did."

Rachel hummed in response not really knowing what to say. She rolled on her side so that she could look into Quinn's eyes when she spoke to her, the only problem was Quinn's eyes were closed and a tainted blush started edging its way up her cheeks at the prospect of being watched by Rachel.

Quinn tried to focus her thoughts. Why was Rachel taunting her? Being physically close but mentally, so far? She gathered her thoughts together and blocked out everything in her surroundings and focussed on only her breathing and her words.

"What about you? Do you miss Finn? Do you miss what you had?"

"Yes," Rachel answered bluntly.

Quinn's heart fell and for a moment she felt like tearing into the girl. In high school Quinn may have had the looks and the popularity but Rachel was still always one step ahead and that's what had made Quinn want to leave the most. Rachel, despite being lonely, having no friends and being slushied everyday managed single handed to get the head of the football team to fall in love with her whilst Quinn, popular, pretty and top of the school hierarchy had to fight for Finn's attention despite only wanting him for a better image.

Rachel wanted Finn for all the right reasons; she knew what she wanted and how she was going to get it. She knew why she wanted it. Quinn didn't know back then and she still didn't know now, not until a few moments ago until Rachel said she missed having Finn. Quinn didn't want Finn; she wanted him away from Rachel. She wanted to cause Rachel as much pain and upset as Quinn caused herself by not knowing what she wanted.

She'd wanted Rachel but being so confused and unsure of her feelings she resorted to doing what she did best – tearing apart others people's lives because if she wasn't happy, then nobody should be happy. Leaving hadn't been her first choice but as soon as she realised that Rachel was level headed enough to know what she wanted she knew she needed to leave, she needed to be on level ground with Rachel to be able to equally give and take within a relationship.

Quinn couldn't bare the idea of being in a relationship and not know what she was doing whilst the other person did. Rachel had _real _experiences to build on from whereas Quinn had phantom relationships good for only status and popularity. She couldn't use what she had with Finn or Puck or Sam as a basis on how to form and improve on future relationships.

Her eyes began to burn and as she slowly opened them tears pooled on the surface. Through the tears she could see the sapphire sky quickly clouding over and turning into a distortion of greys and whites.

She closed her eyes again, and as she did so she could feel the warm path her tears were making down her cool cheeks completely forgetting that Rachel was still watching her.

How had she been such a bitch? Rachel had been happy, really happy and Quinn had taken all of that from her not once but twice: the first time by making her school life a living hell and secondly by leaving her just when Rachel plucked up the courage to be honest to herself.

Everything Rachel had, Quinn wanted and out of jealousy, not spite, Quinn had taken everything from her piece by piece, not realising how much devastation she was really causing and completely oblivious to the fact that she wasn't annoyed for what Rachel had, she was furious of what everyone else had with Rachel.

Rachel had felt love, basked in it and had it shower down on her. Rachel sat inside that warm room full of people who cared about her whilst Quinn stood outside in the rain looking in at what she could only dream of having. The only solution could be to find what she needed by herself, without Rachel helping her. When the brunette was around she couldn't breathe let alone think straight, how was she supposed to figure out what and why she wanted something if somehow Rachel always indirectly led her to where she needed to be?

Okay, she would get there, but she wouldn't know why and sometimes the why is more important than the what.

Quinn took in a deep breath, things need to start changing and they need to start now, she thought to herself. The flush of anger she first felt at Rachel's blunt yet honest response had long subsided and what was left was a bundle of pent up apologies that she'd owed Rachel from a lot longer than just three years ago.

"I'm sorry," Quinn mumbled trying to keep her breathing steady through the tears that continued to pour, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry Rachel, I'm just so sorry," Quinn just continued to cry and repeat those same few words over and over again like a well practised mantra.

Quinn started apologising gazing straight into the brunette's eyes but as she cried harder her vision became impaired so closed them. She couldn't see Rachel getting closer but she could feel her. Warmth radiated onto her own body and soon enough she felt herself being scooped into Rachel's arms and was then pressed and held firmly against Rachel's chest.

The brunette didn't talk, she didn't tell Quinn everything was going to be okay, she just held her and as the more violent sobs racked Quinn's small frame her grip tightened even more. After a while Quinn's tears began to subside and somewhere in-between Rachel holding Quinn she had started to stroke her hair. Her hands glided through locks of liquid gold and then her fingers would dance for a few seconds down her back, before retracting from the blondes back and starting all over again.

Quinn opened her eyes to find herself staring directly into Rachel's. She thought of closing them just as quickly but realised that any abrupt movements would make her look more ridiculous than she already did, if that was even possible.

"I'm sorry," Quinn mouthed again but this time Rachel responded, she lifted the hand that was stroking Quinn's hair to her own lips and placed them there, motioning Quinn into silence. She then proceeded to carefully lift herself out from holding Quinn beneath her grip and sat cross legged opposite her.

Quinn looked confused and Rachel just smiled as her cheeks flushed pink. Mimicking the brunette's actions the blonde sat directly opposite Quinn, also cross legged, their knee's touching.

"Talk to me," Rachel voiced as if Quinn talking would be a straight forward procedure.

"About what?" Quinn croaked, her voice not quite yet recovered from what felt like a year's worth of crying.

"How you feel, what you want, us…" Rachel trailed off her eyes darting to the sand at her last request.

"Where do I start?"

"The beginning."

"We could be here a while," Quinn joked trying to lighten the situation.

Rachel's eyes jumped from the sand back to the blondes and then said, "I've got all the time in the world, I'm not sure about you so start where you feel you need to."

Quinn briefly pondered over Rachel's words. The evening was beginning to kick in so clearly Rachel didn't have all the time in the…

Oh.

She meant she is willing to wait as long as it takes to figure this all out, Quinn told herself dumbly.

Reassure her Quinn, you need to reassure her. She needs to know you're there for her. Start now; tell her how you feel now. You said you want to be with her, prove it.

Show her you're ready.

Before Quinn knew what she was doing and before she could get any grip on her self control she felt herself leaning forwards and her eyes gradually closing. Rachel didn't flinch or back away, her eyes had also automatically closed and Quinn could feel her warm breath tickling her lips every time she exhaled. After what felt like an age of hovering Quinn leant forwards and placed a soft barely there kiss on the corner of Rachel's mouth before backing away, her face a deep shade of magenta.

"What was that for?" Rachel asked a little apprehensive yet trying to conceal her smile all the same.

"Why hurry a proper kiss when _we_ have all the time in the world?" Quinn replied teasingly.

This time is was Rachel's turn to blush but luckily she collected herself quickly and returned to the matter at hand.

"Kissing me isn't talking though Quinn, so you still have some explaining to do," Rachel frowned jokingly.

Quinn was about to respond when her phone buzzed in her pocket. She looked from her pocket back up to Rachel who didn't seem the slightest bit fazed.

"Answer it," she prompted, "I don't mind."

Quinn reached into her pocket and pulled out her still vibrating phone to see the name _Puck_ flashing across her screen. She pressed the answer button, held the phone to her ear and waited for Puck to talk.

"_Hey, have you told her yet?"_

Quinn panicked, Rachel was right there, in front of her, they had just kissed and Puck was asking her now if she had told her about the job.

"No," Quinn responded trying not to give too much away to Rachel by the way she was answering Puck.

"_Quinn, I am not going to lie for you. If she asks me if I know something I'm going to have to tell her okay. Sorry but she comes first this time."_

"I know and I will, by the end of today I promise," she replied knowing that by setting herself a deadline she would ensure she'd do it.

Quinn heard Puck sigh at the sound of her saying the words _I promise_ but just this once he would have to trust her and even if he didn't, well, that didn't matter because no matter what Rachel was going to know before Quinn dropped her home.

"Trust me okay."

"_Okay, by the end of today, she's been mucked around enough and deserves to know the whole story this time."_

"I know."

"_Less making out more talky talky okay?" Puck joked._

"Yes Puck, more talky talky," Quinn voiced watching Rachel's brow knit together as she did so before hanging up and putting the phone back into her pocket.

"Talky talky?" Rachel asked.

"It's nothing," Quinn smiled, "Nothing important."

"Good because there's something I want to give you," Rachel smiled at the same time as Quinn's faded.

The blonde suddenly felt very apprehensive but that was nothing to how she felt when Rachel stretched out her left hand and showed her the very shiny silver ring perched neatly on her index finger. Using her right hand Rachel carefully pulled the ring off and then said, "Hold out your hand."

Quinn couldn't believe what was happening, she'd spent the whole day worrying about why Rachel was wearing the ring in the first place and now she was giving it back. She thought they were making steps forwards, not backwards.

"Hold you your hand," Rachel asked again a little more forcefully.

Quinn did as she was told and held out a shaky hand. Rachel placed the ring in the palm of the blondes hand before curling it over and holding it in her own. Quinn's heart pounded in her ears she could feel her blood pumping quicker and quicker through her veins.

What is happening, she thought to herself.

"This ring was your promise to me, at first I didn't believe it which was unfair of me as I didn't even give you a chance and I know the road that lead you to keeping your promise has been a rocky one but you kept it anyway and that's all that matters," Rachel said pushing Quinn's hand into her lap before retracting her own.

"What," Quinn tried, "Why are you giving it back? We aren't over, the promise isn't over, it doesn't just end," she ranted frantically.

"No I know it's not, but to me that ring symbolises your promise and as you've now fulfilled it there is no reason for me to keep it anymore. You need an anchor to hold you to this earth, you need an anchor to remind you and focus you on what you want and need – this was your promise and my anchor and now I'm returning it – it's now my promise and your anchor."

Quinn was speechless, her mouth opened and closed aimlessly. Finally she found some words to stumble over, "What are you promising?"

"To be better, to be better for you and for us. To figure all of this out and put it back together and then where it belongs. I promise to be that one who cares for you at three in the morning when you're vomiting despite me telling you the night before that drinking is a bad idea. And I promise," Rachel gulped, "I promise that one day – one day – I can say that the three years we spent apart will be the three years that made us and that when I look back I can say that you were my anchor and my beacon of hope that if things aren't okay then it most definitely isn't the end."

Rachel smiled. There were no tears. None at all. Not of joy or of happiness. There didn't need to be because for once words were enough to express everything.

Quinn opened her hand and stared at the ring.

It was now Rachel's promise to her there was just one thing left looming over the blonde.

"Rach there's something I need to tell you."

"Okay, continue."

"I've been offered a job, I applied ages ago, before I found you and now I've been offered it and…"

"Go for it," Rachel beamed, "It's a really great opportunity for you Quinn. I'm so happy for you," she clapped excitedly.

Quinn shook her head, "No Rach you don't understand."

"What's there to understand? Just say yes, ring them now!"

"I really need to tell you this, Rachel the job is…"

But Rachel interupted again, "I will not have you putting your life on hold for me, do you have their number?"

Quinn nodded.

"Then ring them now or I will," Rachel deadpanned.

"Please just listen," Quinn begged, her eyes pleading with Rachel.

"No," Rachel said stubbornly, "I don't want to hear any more about it, this is a great opportunity for you Quinn and you should grab it while you can."

Quinn sighed and slipped the ring into her pocket before pulling out her phone.

"Don't keep them waiting," Rachel half yelled excitedly, "Ring them."

Quinn stood up with the phone in her hand, "I guess I've got a phone call to make."

The blonde took a few steps away her gaze fixed on Rachel's. Rachel beamed at Quinn before mouthing, "I'm so proud of you."

Turning around Quinn dialled the number and then pressed the phone to her ear.

* * *

><p><strong>Did it answer your questions? What did you think (: ?<strong>


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer:** **I do not own Glee or any of the characters**

**Yes, it's been a while and for that I can only apologise.  
><strong>

**I hope you enjoy this chapter!  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"You gave her <em>her<em> ring back?" Kurt asked dumbfounded, "What ring? I didn't know about a ring? Why didn't you mention a ring to me?"

Rachel chuckled at Kurt's hysteria. He paced up and down the diva's kitchen whilst she poured coffee for the both of them. She always thought she'd told him about the ring, but judging by his reaction alone, she may have missed that piece of information out.

"I thought I told you," Rachel smiled still amused by Kurt's incredibly high pitched voice.

"Evidently not," Kurt replied exasperated, he waved a hand around his face, "does this look like a face in the know? I'm so far out of the know I'm practically living back in Ohio again," he huffed before slumping onto a chair and hunching himself over the kitchen table.

"You're definitely being over dramatic and …"

"No, over dramatic is you crying every night for a week over not getting a solo in the school musical, I'm merely expressing my upset at you not mentioning Quinn giving you a _ring_ for three whole years!" Kurt replied his voice muffled by his face in his arms.

Rachel turned and walked towards the boy slumped over the table and lay a coffee down in front of him.

"I didn't hide it from you Kurt I just didn't want to think about it so I hid it from myself and just forgot about it."

Kurt lifted his head slightly before dropping it back down into his arms, "I just wish you'd have told me, I wanted to help and you just pushed everybody away."

Rachel sighed, "I know, I'm sorry."

Pushing people away was a bit of an understatement. If Rachel wasn't lying in her room and staring at her ceiling she was on the couch, well, staring at the ceiling. She wouldn't eat and sleeping proved impossible. Both Puck and Kurt tried talking her into getting professional help but Rachel wouldn't have any of it. She just snapped and lashed out and spent even more time in her room. She wouldn't talk about what happened, only Puck knew the full extent of what Quinn did to Rachel, Kurt only heard fragmented parts of the story in the few times Puck had been allowed to mention the blonde's name within earshot of Rachel.

"If you lift your head up so I can actually hear you properly, you can ask questions," Rachel said sipping her coffee.

"Really?" Kurt asked his voice still muffled.

"I promise," Rachel smiled.

At the speed Kurt's head shot up from his arms Rachel was immediately concerned about how many questions the boy had.

"Rule one, I don't have until Christmas so make the questions short and sweet," Rachel stated.

Kurt opened his mouth to protest but Rachel cut across him, "Rule two," she paused, "I don't have a rule two but if I think of one I will let you know."

Kurt was quiet for a few moments which unnerved Rachel. She expected him to pile her with questions on why Quinn gave her the ring, why she kept the ring, why did Quinn leave after giving Rachel a ring, what did the ring mean.

Instead Kurt asked "Why did you give it back?"

His only question surprised Rachel; it didn't even make sense for him to ask. Why would he ask why she gave the ring back if he didn't even know why she was given it in the first place?

Rachel lay in her thoughts for a minute.

Maybe he only asked that one question to make her realise that Quinn giving Rachel the ring wasn't ever important, it was the fact that Rachel accepted it and believed in Quinn was what was actually important.

"I guess I want to show her what she showed me. She brought out the trust in me that I didn't know was there. After she left I never thought I would trust again. Love again. But I didn't get rid of it, subconsciously I think I always trusted her but never wanted to acknowledge it because it hurt too much."

Kurt nodded, "That's understandable. I mean she upped and left without a word to you, well not directly at least."

"I know, but it wasn't just me. It was everyone and although it felt like my world was crashing down, so was everyone else's. They just got on with their lives; whereas I wallowed in self pity."

Kurt rubbed Rachel's arm in comfort, "Not everybody had their heart broken by her though."

"Not everybody is selfish enough to realise that sometimes some people do things for themselves because they have to regardless of the consequences and not for me."

"True, but do you forgive her for leaving? I mean, yeah she's explained herself to you, but is that enough?"

Rachel sipped the last of her coffee dragging Kurt's question out longer than it needed to be. She lay her mug down and could feel Kurt's gaze burning at her. She grinned.

"What?" Kurt asked, "I know that smile! Oh my god you've forgiven her haven't you, you've already told her that you two are okay. This is insane! Are you back together, tell me everything?!"

Rachel let out a laugh, "I've forgiven her but I haven't told her I've forgiven her yet. Secondly, you're getting too carried away. No we are not together, well not yet anyway, we need to work through things slowly but three years wasn't long enough to kill off my feelings for her."

Kurt cooed, "That's so sweet. Let me text Blaine!"

He pulled out his phone and began frantically texting, "That doesn't mean you can stop talking, I can multi-task texting and listening you know."

Rachel beamed and continued to talk about her meet up with Quinn a few days back. She explained how perfect it seemed to be despite how much time had passed between them. She didn't realise how magical it had seemed at the time, but the more she talked and the wider her smile grew she just knew that for once, maybe everything would turn out okay.

"When's the wedding?" Kurt joked when Rachel finally stopped talking.

"We've got to get through yours first," Rachel joked back.

"You didn't even deny it! Can I be Maid of Honour? Please, please, please?" The boy begged.

"Quinn has to say yes to being my girlfriend yet, let alone my nonexistent marriage proposal."

Kurt smiled at Rachel's enthusiasm. He was glad that Rachel finally seemed happier. Three years was a long time, but time seems irrelevant when happiness makes its way into the picture.

"Oh shoot," Kurt said as his phone vibrated. "I've got to go; I promised I'd meet Blaine to talk about wedding preparations his parents are coming down for the weekend."

He stood up from his chair, leant over the table and kissed Rachel on the cheek before dashing for the door.

"Bye," Rachel yelled through the apartment.

"Bye Rach," he yelled prior to his face appearing again, "I forgot to say, I'm really happy for you and although I was sceptical of Quinn coming back at first, if she makes you this happy who am I to get in the way of that?"

Just as quickly as his face appeared it disappeared again with a distant shout of "bye," followed by the slam of the door leaving Rachel alone at her kitchen table.

* * *

><p>"I kissed her and…"<p>

"Wanky," Santana interrupted raising an eyebrow before winking.

Quinn had no idea how her and Santana's friendship had been patched up so quickly but when she found herself sitting opposite the girl who she'd only seen twice after three years of nothingness, she no longer cared because things, for once, were starting to look up.

"Shut up Santana it was nothing like that okay, it was one kiss and…"

"And then you made sweet passionate love then and there with each other on the beach – wait, no, of course you didn't because you and Berry are so far in the closet of denial that you make Narnia look as inconspicuous as a theme park," Santana smirked before taking a large gulp of her steaming mug of coffee

Quinn reached for her napkin on the table, screwed it up and threw it at the laughing girl in front of her with no thought to spare. It hit the girl straight between the eyes and at last _something _managed to shut the latina up.

"Hey," Santana snapped a little too loudly, causing heads to turn in their direction.

Both girls laughed before continuing their conversation.

"Now that we've established you didn't do the dirty what _did_ you do, because to me it sounds like a pretty boring first date?"

"It wasn't a date," Quinn replied.

"You spent time together, you both enjoyed yourself, you kissed the elf without her squealing and and throwing fairy dust at you and you're still sure it wasn't a date?"

"Okay maybe it was but…"

"But nothing," the latina finished the blonde's sentence once again, "Quinn Fabray finally had her first _normal _date with no funny business, yelling or pregnancy in…well, ever," Santana said before laughing and throwing the screwed up napkin back at Quinn.

* * *

><p>Santana and Quinn walked lazily along the streets of New York with no particular destination in mind. The wind was cool but not enough to want to wrap up warm.<p>

"Do you think you will get together, you know, properly?" Santana asked linking her arm with Quinn's.

The blonde thought about it for a moment. Her immediate answer would have been yes, except she wasn't sure what Rachel wanted still. Rachel had kissed her and asked her out on a date, that wasn't really a date but they still hadn't got any further in deciding what either of them wanted, and more importantly what the best was for both of them.

"I hope so, but whatever happens will be for the best," Quinn answered honestly.

Santana stopped abruptly and Quinn nearly tripped over her own feet.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"No, what the hell are _you_ doing? Why are you giving up on this? You were gone for three fucking years to clear your head or whatever and now that you're back you're just giving up."

Quinn closed her eyes and tried to take in what Santana was saying. She wasn't giving up. Far from it, she just wanted to be realistic.

"I'm not giving up, I just don't want to set myself up for heartbreak that's all," Quinn retorted slowly losing her patience with Santana.

"Rachel did, she waded in at the deep end and you pulled off the safety jacket," the brunette snapped not even thinking about what she was saying.

Quinn didn't say anything. She merely held the latina's gaze feeling her eyes well up with tears before walking on ahead throwing, "don't you think I know that," back over her shoulder to Santana.

The blonde tried to walk quickly but the crowds of people lining the streets were making it difficult. She could hear her name being called from behind her, at times it was close and at others it was distant but she didn't want to stop. She knew the pain she had caused Rachel, she had experienced it herself but if she was going to be reminded of it at every possible chance she didn't think she could manage it although for Rachel's sake, she hoped she could.

* * *

><p>It took twenty minutes of fighting through the masses to catch up with Quinn. Santana hadn't meant what she said, she was simply angry that Quinn still had a chance yet her chance with Brittany was long gone.<p>

"I'm sorry Quinn," Santana pleaded jogging just to keep up with the blonde, "I didn't mean what I said I just…"

"But you did though, you're the only one brave enough to say what everyone else is thinking," Quinn snapped using her cuff to wipe away at the still freely flowing tears.

"Okay, what I said was true but I didn't mean it as a quip I just meant that putting Rachel through all of that to then wait for 'the best' is absurd."

"Maybe I shouldn't have bothered to come back," Quinn continued.

"Now you're being stupid," Santana retorted losing her breath the quicker Quinn walked.

"Am I? Really? What a shock that was."

"Grow a pair Quinn, you have the chance that everyone wants and you aren't even going to fight hard enough for what you want!"

Quinn stopped in her tracks and rounded on the latina. "Says who? Says you, the one who lost their girlfriend because they were too wrapped up in flattery and is now too much of a coward to admit she was wrong?"

Santana did it before she could comprehend her actions; she raised her right hand from her pocket and slapped Quinn square across the cheek. "You don't know what you're talking about," Santana stubbornly.

"Oh really, I think I do, I've known you lo…"

"Then you'll know that I rang her and I apologized. I told her I was wrong and I told her I knew why I had done everything I did, and I explained that I had done them all for the wrong reasons. I cried and I told her that I loved her and that I missed her," Santana paused, "she said she is glad that I finally rung, but devastated that it took so long and that's why she won't be coming home any time soon."

Quinn was silent, she wished Santana would slap her again, she deserved it after all.

"I'm sorry," Quinn tried.

"If you were you wouldn't have said it in the first place," Santana deadpanned, "It's my own fault, I don't deserve pity."

They stood opposite each other for a few minutes, just a yard of space between them, both looking at the others feet. To the girls it was silent, the noise and hustle and bustle of the sidewalk was just white noise, a buzzing that can only be heard if you concentrate really hard. Someone needed to break the silence, thus Quinn spoke first.

"I've been offered a job," the blonde aired knowing the latina would find out at some point.

"So?" Santana replied, pretending not to care, although all the while Quinn spoke, she kept peaking glances from her shoes to Quinn's face to make sure she was okay.

Quinn took a deep breath, "it's in California," she said, bracing her body for an array of colourful language and abusive words.

They never came; instead Santana's response was short, simple and very unhelpful, "shit."

In one sense Quinn appreciated the simplicity and blasé response, however a tiny part of her had wished for some insightful wisdom that would help her in path to tell Rachel about the job and maybe change the decision she had already made.

"Yeah."

"What are you going to do?" Santana asked intrigued, yet worried about the blondes answer.

Quinn braced herself again, "I've already made a decision."

"Does Rachel know?"

"About the job, yes."

"Your decision?"

"No."

"Shouldn't you tell her?"

"It will do more harm than good."

"What if she finds out?"

"That's inevitable."

"It'd be better coming from you."

"I know," Quinn sighed before pulling the latina into an unexpected hug. It was warm and comforting but it still didn't quite fill the void left in Quinn's heart.

"What's your decision?" Santana asked after a few minutes of silence.

"The right one," was all Quinn said.

Santana smiled and left it at that.

* * *

><p><strong>Not long left to go, hopefully the next update won't be as sparse as this one was!<strong>

**What did you think ? (:  
><strong>

**Have a very happy Christmas and things!  
><strong>


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Glee or any of the characters unfortunately. **

**So this is the FINAL chapter and I can only apologise profusely for once again leaving such a long distance between updates. I know my quality of writing had dwindled in various chapters as it probably has done through the completion of this one. I can only hope you enjoy it as it is the final installment and that the ending is satisfying enough!**

**A massive thank-you to you all for staying in touch with the story for so long and thank-you for all the feedback, reviews and favourites that you have given me over this period of time!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Seventeen<span>

Quinn surveyed her apartment for the final time before nodding her head, getting a tight grip on her case and hauling it towards the door of her apartment. She knew what she was about to do would be tough but so long as everything was kept as quiet as possible everything would blow over in a few weeks and no one would even remember what had happened.

The cab driver was waiting a little way down the street and when he saw Quinn struggling in the wing mirror of the taxi he jumped out to give his assistance. The blonde thanked the man and walked the short distance to the cab before climbing in the back of it and waiting to tell the driver her destination.

Santana's cafe.

Quinn clambered out of the taxi on arrival and quickly explained to the driver that she didn't know how long she'd be so not to bother to wait.

The café was extremely busy and Quinn briefly wondered if Santana would even have a minute to spare to talk to her. She approached the counter after waiting in line for nearly ten minutes.

"Is Santana about?" she asked breathlessly, the anticipation of the entire situation starting to get the better of her.

"Miss Lopez?" the man behind the counter repeated in a Spanish accent, "Yes, she's out the back. Shall I call her?"

Quinn pondered for a minute, she didn't have much time and judging by the busyness of the shop, neither did Santana.

"Is it alright if I just go straight though?" Quinn tried, pointing to the door leading out to the back of the café.

The man looked apprehensive but after giving her a once over, deeming her unlikely to be a thief or criminal, reluctantly nodded, "Straight through there," he pointed.

"Thanks so much," Quinn beamed almost tempting to kiss the man but thinking better of it.

It didn't take long for Quinn to find Santana. Although she didn't quite know where she was going, the raised voice of the Latina gave quite a good indication of where she was. Quinn found her sitting on a leather chair which looked completely out of place in comparison to the rest of the room. In the corner sat a table with a coffee machine on surrounded by small wooden chairs. To the left of the table was the door Quinn had walked through and on the opposite wall was a chest of drawers rammed with paperwork.

"Well I won't be buying products from you anymore! You couldn't order a piss up in a brewery. Good day to you!" Santana yelled before slamming the phone down.

Quinn stared at the girl in front of her. "Toned down the angry I see not," she mused trying to contain her smile.

Santana jumped obviously oblivious to Quinn's sudden appearance in the room. "Don't creep up on me like that."

"Sorry, the guy said I could some straight through," Quinn tried to justify.

"Yeah I'm sure he did, now why are you here? I've got a list as long as my arm to get through today and it's already 2pm."

Quinn nodded scared to speak again but knowing that she'd have to. She opened her mouth but Santana cut across once more. She'd spotted the case. A frown appeared.

"Where do you plan on going with a case the size of Mexico," she half asked and half stated pushing herself up from her chair and moving towards Quinn.

Quinn gulped.

"When you said you'd made the right decision I assumed that you were going to stay and make gay-berry-babies with Berry, not piss off to Timbuktu again!" Santana yelled not leaving even breathing space for Quinn to try and explain.

"This time Q, this time I really thought you were going to sort your shit out but I was wrong. And not for the last time I imagine."

Quinn stood her ground silently seething. Through gritted teeth she spoke, "I have done the right thing. I'm not going anywhere. The case has _one_ change of clothes and the rest is paper work. And you are not wrong so sit down and shut up. Got it?"

Santana looked slightly taken aback. Her eyes popped out of her head like tennis balls. She obliged none the less and took a seat back in her leather chair.

"I'm not going anywhere I promise," Quinn said in a matter of fact tone.

Santana snorted and buried her face in her hands smiling to herself before making eye contact with Quinn and speaking. "That would be ten times more convincing if you weren't dragging a case along that contains more clothes than Kurt's wardrobe."

Quinn rolled her eyes, "For the last time it's all paperwork okay, obviously I am going somewhere but not for all that long and then I'll be back."

Santana listened knowing there was more.

"But I need your help."

There it was.

"I'm not doing it," Santana said immediately without even hearing Quinn's proposition.

"You don't know what it is yet."

"I know I'm not going to like it though," Santana corrected.

Quinn sighed, "Just one thing for me please. It's not hard or I wouldn't be asking. All I need you to do is lie to Rachel for a few days just in case she asks where I am."

Before Quinn had even finished her sentence Santana began shaking her head violently. "No, no and let's think, definitely not! You can't make me."

"No you're right but I'm asking really nicely, so please?"

"No."

"What if I told you where I was going?"

Santana was silent.

"I'm going to California for a week to sort out my contract with the company that offered me the job," Quinn explained expecting an outburst from Santana at any minute. When it didn't come however, she continued.

"I'm negotiating with my new boss to be placed somewhere different. Not in California but over here in New York. The job is as a columnist of cultural awareness for the younger generation. Part of the job involves travel anyway so I don't see why I can't be situated in New York when I'll have to be flying here, there and everywhere anyway. I've accepted the job and my boss is aware of the situation but there are a few loose ends to sort before it's finalized."

Santana understood but she was still sceptical about lying to Rachel. Something about it just didn't feel right and knowing her luck something was bound to go wrong.

"So please?" Quinn pleaded, "Please help me."

Santana pondered for a moment and then spoke, "I don't understand why you won't just tell Rachel the truth. You are coming back so what does it matter?"

Quinn could see Santana's point. It would make plenty of sense to be open and honest but she wanted to surprise Rachel.

"I want to prove that I'm doing everything properly. I want it to be a surprise. I want her to know that I will come back. But more than anything I want her to trust me."

Santana was still sceptical, "I still don't see why you don't just tell her but fine, I won't tell her where you are but if she asks me then I'm not lying. Deal?" she asked standing up and holding out her hand for Quinn to take.

Quinn smiled, "Deal," she said as she took Santana's hand in her own and shook firmly.

They caught each other's eye for a fraction of a second. Santana saw something in Quinn that her gaze had been void of for so long. Happiness. When she met up with her for the first time just a few weeks previously all she could see was sadness and loss. That sight was now long gone and had been replaced with something much more positive. Santana couldn't be happier for her.

Quinn coughed and turned her gaze to the door. "My plane leaves at 5 so I better be heading off," she said before reaching down for the handle on her case and dragging it behind her as she left through the door. Santana followed her right to the entrance of the café.

"I hope this doesn't backfire on you Fabray," Santana said honestly. She couldn't bear to see more tension and heartbreak in anybody's eyes, least of all Quinn and even Rachel.

Quinn's lips curled, "I don't want her to think that I'm going to take the first opportunity to run a mile again. I need her to trust me. I want to prove myself. I have to prove myself."

And with that she left the café dragging her case behind her before coming to a standstill at the curb where she began attempting to hail down a taxi.

* * *

><p>The airport was heaving with people both leaving and entering it. Quinn pushed her way past rowdy families, angry teenagers and several parting couples who were crying into each other's shoulders. It reminded Quinn of her own situation. Don't get her wrong, she did feel bad about not telling Rachel, she just felt it would be better this way. She didn't want to give her any reason to panic about her potentially not returning.<p>

If she didn't know she'd gone, she didn't have to worry about her not coming back.

They had already agreed to meet up in a week's time for a meal. After their last time spent together they decided that it would be better to definitely still keep their distance as it was early days, hence weeks at a time would pass and the occasional text would be the only form of communication between the pair.

Quinn looked at her phone. No missed calls. No unread texts. No voicemails. Things were going swimmingly.

Rachel closed the door a little too harshly causing Puck to jump. As Rachel rounded the corner to dump her bags on the couch she noticed that Puck wasn't alone on the couch. He had company. Both Puck and his unnamed lady friend sat up slightly embarrassed, magenta streaks slapped on their cheeks. Hurriedly they both straightened their clothes and made half arsed attempts at flattening their hair. Rachel chuckled.

"Noah, you aren't a child and neither am I. I'm just sorry I interrupted," Rachel smiled busying herself in the kitchen after having had to put her bags on the kitchen table instead. "Drink?" she asked without turning around.

"Water," Puck called, "And orange for the lady."

The sound of a slap broke the air. That 'lady' had just hit Puck for referring to her as if she were someone of no importance.

"You deserved that," Rachel laughed as she began carrying the drinks to the couch watching Puck rub his arm as she did so.

Putting the drinks down on the coffee table Rachel extended her hand; "Rachel Berry and you are?" she smiled warmly.

"Elise Walton," she replied taking Rachel's hand and shaking it, "I've heard a lot about you," she added.

Rachel beamed, "All good I hope."

Puck chortled, "You wish."

Rachel frowned, "Can't say I've heard all that much about you, "she said loudly more aiming it at Puck than Elise.

"That's because Noah and I only met yesterday, well in person anyway," Elise explained leaning back into Puck and trying to relax in the somewhat awkward situation.

"Oh," Rachel replied not quite knowing what to say, "I didn't know Noah did online dating."

Elise scowled. "He's not. Are you?" she asked Puck.

Puck jumped in to explain very quickly. "No! You know I'm not Elise. Rach, we met through work. She's a volunteer at the nursery I've been working at. Hoping to get a job their next school year. We've spoken through email but today was the first time we met. I'm training her."

A smile formed on Rachel's face. The whole scenario was actually very cute. "Okay, well I'll get out of the way, let you two catch up. I'm off to Quinn's Puck, surprise her. I'll be back later. Don't make me dinner; we'll grab a bite to eat."

"No problem Jew-babe," he shouted as she walked through the apartment to grab her jacket she'd lost somewhere along the way when dumping her bag down.

Elise nudged Puck. Alarm bells rang. "Oh holy mother of shit," he mumbled to himself.

"I'll go," Elise whispered before kissing his cheek, "We'll catch up for coffee tomorrow. You need to help Quinn now."

"I knew this would happen, I just knew it was too good to be true." He held his head in his hands.

"Quinn confided in you because she knew you'd understand. I believe you'll do what's right Noah," she kissed his cheek again, "Good luck."

Rachel appeared from her bedroom jacket in hand and a confused look on her face as she walked through the apartment. "Where's Elise?" she asked, "She didn't leave because of me did she because I'm going now. Call her back."

Puck shuffled from the couch to the door and casually stood in front of it trying not to make it too obvious that he didn't want her to leave.

Rachel's face formed a frown. Something was going on, and she started to feel uneasy. What was Puck hiding?

"What's going on?" Rachel deadpanned not wanting any nonsense.

Puck chuckled sheepishly, "Nothing, she has things to do and we haven't seen much of each other lately so it's the perfect excuse to spend time with you."

For a moment Puck almost had Rachel convinced especially as her scowl turned to a smile at his words. However, when she continued her ministrations of pulling on a jacket Puck buckled.

"Okay you can't see Quinn."

And there it was, of course it would be to do with Quinn. When wasn't it to do with Quinn?

"And why not?" Rachel asked, as she paused in her actions.

"Because," Puck stumbled over his words, "Because you promised to see her next weekend and make it special, it won't be special if you go and see her now will it?"

Rachel pondered for a moment, "Yeah nice try Puckerman, what is _really_ going on?" she asked standing with her hands on her hips.

"I can't say," he mumbled feeling about two feet tall.

"If you don't tell me, I'll force it out of you," Rachel threatened, anger lacing her voice.

"She's just not around today, that's all, it'll be a waste of time you going over there, being disappointed and coming back. Look come sit back down and I'll help you plan the dinner you want to cook okay?" Puck replied with a falsely cheerful voice that wasn't fooling anybody.

Rachel counted to ten in her head but wanted to keep her cool, she didn't want anybody to know she was secretly petrified about where Quinn had gone. She knew at some point she would have to trust the girl again, but under the circumstances when her roommate wouldn't let her leave the house and is acting incredibly suspicious, Rachel was bound to jump to conclusions without properly thinking the whole situation through. It was just too much of a coincidence.

Rachel took a deep breath, "I'm going to ask you once and once only. This is really important to me and I know that you know that," she paused, she had to stand strong, "keeping that in mind if you lie to me, or I find out that you've lied to me, we are done and you can move out; understood?" she finished calmly.

Puck sighed, he knew she was right and it wasn't fair to lie to Rachel, especially seeing that he had told Quinn if Rachel asked him straight out he wouldn't be able to lie to her.

"Okay, I got it," he replied.

"Good," Rachel responded, the atmosphere much calmer than the previous few minutes, "Where is Quinn?"

* * *

><p>"Where are you going!" Puck yelled as he sprinted down the street after a furious Rachel.<p>

Rachel didn't slow her pace, she continued her steady jog determined to block out the man running behind her. How could he have done this to her, she thought to herself. How could he keep something so important from her, something that she's been worried about her entire life?

"We are done Puck, Quinn is leaving and you _knew_!" Rachel finally came to a standstill. She turned and yelled these words in Puck's face, tears forming and then streaming down her cheeks.

Puck reached out to hold the girl by the shoulders but she flinched and took a step backwards.

"Don't touch me," she said through gritted teeth, "Don't you dare."

Puck made a noise of frustration, "You don't get it!" He yelled back, "She is _not_ leaving; well she is, but only for a week, two at max."

Rachel laughed sardonically, "Yeah yeah, like last time, I get it. One week becomes two and two becomes four and next thing you know she's standing on your doorstep after three years thinking everything will be just the same as when she left. It doesn't work like that Puck."

Puck gave up, "Fine," he said, "If that's what you really think then I can't understand why you are going to the airport. What are you going to do yell at her to stay? Yell at her for going? You were the one who didn't give her a chance to explain. She's got a job, that's all, she's changing her whole outlook on life through this trip, it's not a whim," he explained, "It's for you, because she cares and because she wants you."

Rachel listened intently but still refused to accept it. She honestly had no idea what she was going to achieve by going to the airport, she only hoped she would run into Quinn and have the whole scenario explained to her through the lips of the girl in which she didn't ever want to lose. Not again. Not ever.

"If that was true she would have been honest," Rachel deadpanned.

Puck sighed, "Fuck Rachel listen to yourself! If she had told you she was planning this then you would have offered to go with her, you would have wanted to be by her side every step of the way and that would have only stopped Quinn from doing what she needed to do. She needs to do this alone because she wants to do things right, she wants to do this properly and with you by her side every step of the way she'll feel under scrutiny. She won't be honest."

"Great, so you think I hold Quinn back?" Rachel asked exasperated.

"No," Puck replied, "No but you need to give her space, just like she's given you space."

Rachel stared at Puck. "Seeing there's a chance she's never coming back I may as well invade her space now," Rachel spat and with that she hailed down a taxi and jumped in the back.

* * *

><p>Quinn looked up at the various screens letting her know which terminal her plane would depart from. She had roughly thirty minutes before she would need to check in and then an hour and a half until her plane officially took flight.<p>

A coffee bar to the right caught her eye and seeing that she still had time she made her way over and ordered herself a drink. The warm liquid livened her senses and she was suddenly very aware of what she was about to do. A multitude of thoughts both good and bad filled her head. She couldn't help but think of Rachel, completely oblivious to the whole situation sitting at home and planning their upcoming date. The guilt started to set in and Quinn began to doubt herself. How on earth was she going to explain the whole situation to Rachel when she got back? How was she going to explain without Rachel getting mad?

"Maybe I should have just been honest," Quinn mumbled to herself before draining the dregs of her coffee and then placing the mug back onto the table. She reached under the table, picked up the handle of her case and then began dragging it across the airport to the appropriate terminal.

However, Quinn hadn't got more than a few steps before a familiar voice brought her to a standstill. It couldn't be, Quinn thought to herself. Rachel? No, it couldn't be.

"Quinn!" Rachel yelled no sign of embarrassment at the strange looks she was receiving, "Quinn!" she yelled again.

Quinn turned, it _was _Rachel. Well this can't end well. She looked down at her watch. Ten minutes and the terminal desk would close. This had to be short and sweet.

"I want an explanation and I want it now," Rachel demanded coming to a standstill in front of Quinn leaving no more than a two foot gap between them.

Quinn was speechless by how abrupt the girl standing before her was but she didn't have any time to waste. "I," she stuttered and stumbled over her words, "I'm doing the right thing," Quinn told both Rachel and herself.

Rachel laughed sarcastically, "I'm not sure _who_ you are doing the right thing for but it isn't me and it certainly isn't _us_."

Quinn looked at her feet and then back up at Rachel. "I'm trying to sort out this mess Rachel, I'm going away to sort out my job contract so that I can be permanently situated in New York, with you."

Rachel didn't know what to say. Part of her wanted to believe Quinn, but a small part of her doubted every single word that fell from Quinn's mouth. She'd been through this before. She'd felt like this before. She didn't like it at all. Something about the whole situation just didn't feel right.

"If that's true then why didn't you tell me," Rachel asked.

"Because there would have been questions and doubts on your part and that would have stopped me from going and I would have lost my job and the career that I love. I wanted to be able to go away and come back and tell you about the amazing thing I did and the whole time I would have been away you wouldn't have even thought about me possibly not coming home because you wouldn't have known. I was thinking of you the whole time Rachel, only you."

Rachel scoffed, "If you were thinking of me you would have been honest."

Quinn began to get frustrated, "Damn it Rachel you know that isn't true, you are just trying to pick a fight because you hate knowing that I'm right…"

Quinn was cut off by Rachel interrupting at a much louder volume than her, "No, what I hate is _you_ telling _Puck_ over me about this whole stupid idea and having him _lie_ to me!"

"I didn't even intend for him to find out either!" Quinn yelled back.

"Oh so that's okay then is it?" Rachel replied.

Quinn fell silent, her voice became much quieter, "No, of course not but if you honestly believe that I was doing this all to spite you then perhaps coming back _isn't _going to be a good idea," Quinn explained honestly.

Rachel laughed again, "And there it is, the confession of a serial abandoner."

"You are being ridiculous," Quinn mumbled shaking her head but Rachel ignored her and continued.

"You know what Quinn, don't come back. I don't want you back, Puck doesn't want you back and even Santana was sceptical about you sticking around. I guess we were all right."

This time it was Quinn's turn for her eyes to fill with tears. She stayed silent and looked at her watch. Four minutes. She turned and dragged her case behind her as she headed for the terminal gate.

Rachel waited for Quinn to turn back around. She knew she would. She always used to. Perhaps _used to_ were the operative words.

"Wait!" Rachel yelled, "I'm sorry," she yelled again, "I didn't mean it, I'm just angry you lied that's all."

Quinn stopped, "Oh really, you think?" she spat back no longer willing to make time for Rachel.

Rachel hung her head and Quinn spoke.

"Your favourite colour is blue and you hate the colour pink yet it is the colour I love seeing you in the most. You don't wear t-shirts that are too tight fitting because it might restrict your breathing techniques when you sing. You eat smarties and various coloured sweets in the order of the colours of the rainbow but before you do that you tip the whole packet out and order them into colour groups. You hate rainy days but you love having an excuse to not go out and watch Funny Girl over and over again. Your pretend your favourite flower is a Daisy but actually it is the Gardenia because it reminds you of me and reminds you of the prom you could never take me to."

Rachel opened her mouth to speak, tears pooling in her eyes but Quinn hadn't finished.

"And my favourite flower is the Daisy because it reminds me of how much you pretend to have not loved me the entire way through high school and how my feelings have always reciprocated that," Quinn took a deep breath.

"Quinn," Rachel breathed.

"I know you're scared Rachel and I know I didn't do this quite the right way around. I'm doing the wrong thing with the right intentions and you've just got to trust that," Quinn looked at her watch.

Two minutes.

She panicked.

"We will still have our date next weekend, that's if you want it. I am coming back Rachel because…"

Quinn couldn't finish her sentence because Rachel finished it for her, "Because when you deserve me, you will come and find me."

Quinn smiled and nodded. She took a step forward and closed the gap between herself and Rachel leant forward and kissed her gently on the lips.

"One last thing I've got to ask you," Quinn questioned.

"Don't," Rachel replied with a smile, "Of _course_ you deserve me."

**_The End_**

* * *

><p><strong>And there we have it, the final chapter! I know as this story has gone on the quality of my writing has significantly dropped and for that I can only apologise, however, I am incredibly grateful that so many of you have come on this journey with me and I really hope you have enjoyed it.<strong>

**Any reviews about this chapter or the story as a whole would be much welcomed, along with any ideas of what you think I should write next. My life is no longer full of exams so any project I decide to take upon next will have much more frequent updates.**

**I have recently decided to continue "A Date with Paddington Bear", and the story is currently half way to completion so that will be uploaded soon. In the mean time I should imagine many one-shots will be posted!**

**I'm always happy to recieve ideas of what to write so if you wish to make a request do not hesitate, either reply to this story with your idea in the form of a review of message me directly.**

**Once again, thank-you so much and I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!**


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